This blog is designed specifically for Hanover High School students in Ms. Piro's early English literature course.
Friday, January 7, 2011
Reader's Theater Assignment
Post your reader's theater piece and be aware that it may take more than one try to post your entire piece. Make sure you read ALL the pieces and comment on at least three.
Le Morte D’Arthur Script Chapter 2: The two swords and the invisible knight. Setting: pirates
Characters: Narrator, Girl, Arthur, Balin, Lady of Avalon, Lanceour (can also be Pirate), Balan/Pirate of the Island, Mark, Merlin, Pirate
Narrator: Our story begins with the Pirate King Arthur and his most trusted lieutenants aboard the Pirate Ship Camelot. Arthur is holding a council of war because he’s just learned that Blackbeard Royns has gathered a large fleet of ships and is coming to attack Arthur. During his war council, a girl rows up to his ship.
Girl: Ahoy there Arthur! I have a wonderful pistol here that’s enchanted. I’m a-searching for a fearless knight with the most dark and pirate-like heart possible. I’ve already been to Blackbeard Royns’ fleet, but none o’ his men had the salt to claim it. Do any of yer men dare?
Narrator: Though the pirates all were courageous, none came forward.
Arthur: (angrily) You’re all scallywags! Will none try?
Narrator: Unfortunately, Arthur found no takers and moved on to other matters. However, Balin, a pirate Arthur had imprisoned for killing his cousin during a duel, heard all that passed and decided to try his luck in private.
Balin: Ay! Lass! Give me a chance, I’d like to draw the pistol!
Girl: (looks skeptical) Well ye don’t look like a true pirate. Your clothes are too fancy. But since none o’ the other men had the salt to try, you may as well.
Narrator: Balin reached for the pistol and took it without effort. By now, a crowd had gathered and all saw Balin’s success.
Girl: You’re sure to become famous before ye die! Give the pistol here, though. I need to take it for yer own safety.
Balin: (scornful) Safety? Hah. I be a pirate of the best sort. I hate safety, so I’ll just hold on to this here pistol.
Girl: (sadly) As you wish. But be warned that ye’ll fight to the death with the man ye love the most.
Balin: I’ll take me chances.
Narrator: The girl left, and Arthur congratulated Balin on his success. Just then, there was another commotion. The Lady of Avalon appeared before Arthur and his pirates.
Lady of Avalon: Arthur, you must grant me the gift you swore to when I gave you the magic pistol, Excalibur.
Arthur: Name it.
Lady of Avalon: I demand that head of that knight! (points at Balin). He kille-
Narrator: But the Lady of Avalon was unable to finish her sentence because Balin, who’d been listening to the conversation, had shot her.
Arthur: (angrily, to Balin) Are ye mad? You just killed our provider!!
Balin: (shrugging) I had me reasons.
Arthur: Ye be exiled from this ship forevermore! Never let me see your sorry hide again!
Narrator: Balin was set adrift in a rowboat. Balin, though not sorry about killing the Lady of Avalon, who was his enemy, was sad to make Arthur so angry. He vowed to kill Blackbeard Royns (or die in the attempt) in order to gain back Arthur’s friendship. Meanwhile, another Pirate named Lanceour came forward.
Lanceour: Arrr! That landlubber Balin is no good. Arthur, let me kill him for ye! You’ll not be sorry.
Arthur: (slowly) I guess ye can. But don’t return until ee’s dead!
Narrator: Merlin then appeared and told Arthur that Balin was a good pirate, and it was really the girl who was evil. Arthur was sad, but it was too late to call Lanceour back. At that time, Lanceour caught up with Balin and fired a shot. It missed, but Balin returned the shot and blew Lanceour’s brains out. Sadly, Lanceour’s lover had been in the boat with him, and upon seeing his death, took the pistol and killed herself.
Balin: Ahh! What have I done? This is surely a troublin’ matter. But lo! There be me brother Balan’s ship!
Balan: Ahoy there brother! I spy a boat with two dead bodies! What has happened here?
Balin: I was on me way to kill Blackbeard Royns when that pirate showed up and shot at me. I shot at him, in me own defense o’ course, and I killed ‘im. Then that there maiden killed ‘erself too!
Balan: That’s no good. Ay, but I’ll help ye out in yer search for Royns. I’m sure ye’d be glad o’ some company.
Narrator: Meanwhile, another ship belonging to Pirate King Mark pulled up alongside the brothers’.
Mark: What has happened here?
Balin: (annoyed) Are ye stupid? Two people got killed.
Mark: Ah. It’s a sad thing. But I’ll give them a proper burial, since you won’t.
Narrator: Merlin suddenly appeared.
Merlin: (phrophetic) On this spot will occur a terrible battle between Lancelot du Lac and Sir Tristram. But that is in the future. (turns to Balin). You have done a great wrong by not saving this maiden. As a consequence, you will strike a most fateful blow that will destroy three kindoms for 12 years and incurably wound a great Pirate King.
Balin: Arg! Methinks I should kill meself to prevent this tragedy. But where’s that scraggly old man got to? He vanished!
Mark: Never mind that. What do people call a fearsome Pirate like you?
Balan: Call ‘im the “Pirate of the two Pistols”
Mark: It’s surely a worthy name.
Narrator: Mark departed and Balin and Balan sailed on. They landed on a tropical island with monkeys, wild beasts, and strange, exotic birds. Merlin appeared once more in disguise.
Merlin: (scottish accent) Ahh! You look like two pirates worth your salt! Be warned that Blackbeard Royns is on this here island and is approaching fast!
Balan:(whispering) This is yer chance.
Balin: (shouting) Prepare to attack!!
Narrator: It was a fierce and bloody battle but Balan and Balin killed many pirates, captured Blackbeard Royns, and sent him to Pirate King Arthur as a captive. Arthur was surprised and gratified when he recieved Royns. However, Merlin informed him that Royn’s borther Nero had sailed to an island where he was preparing to attack Arthur. All of Arthur’s best pirates met Nero on the island. They fought with such bravery that Nero was soon defeated. However, this was because Pirate King Lot was not at that battle, having been delayed by Merlin. Angry at this, he prepared to attack Arthur himself, along with the other Pirate Kings who hated Arthur. King Pellinore, on Arthur’s side, eventually killed Lot in this battle, and Arthur was once again victorious!
Merlin: Well done Arthur! Now I will make a bronze and gold candleholder for you. When the lights of this candle go out, you will be dead!
Narrator: Merlin told of many events to come in the court of King Arthur, including Arthur’s death at the hands of Modred as well as the accomplishment that the Knights of the Round Table will achieve when they finish the quest of the Holy Grail. Unfortunately, though, Arthur’s troubles had not passed him. He soon fell sick, and as he lay on the deck of his ship, another pirate rowed up to him.
Arthur: Why, matey, you look as blue as the ocean! Tell me now, what troubles ye?
Pirate: Nothing that you be reckonin’ with, my lord (leaves)
Narrator: The unknown pirate soon left to move on to the next ship, called Meliot. Soon after the pirate came Sir Balin, who immediately greeted Arthur.
Balin: Ahoy, you sea dog! Tell me, what be troublin’ ye, your highness?
Arthur: Balin, I need you to bring me back a lone and blue pirate on his way to the ship of Meliot. He be refusin to tell me what ails him!
Balin: Ahoy, Sir, it would be me pleasure. I will bring him here, whether he likes it or not!
Narrator: Balin rowed into the ocean blue, and soon came upon the lone pirate, who was then accompanied by a lass. Balin immediately confronted him, sword in hand.
Balin: Ay, Matey, by the name of Arthur, I command you to follow me back to our barge, or else accept a duel by the point of my sword!
Pirate: If ye pledge to my safety by yer life, I will accept. My name, by the way, be Harleus.
Narrator: Balin agreed, and both of the men rowed off in Balin’s boat towards Arthur’s ship. All of a sudden, a gun shot exploded in the air.
Pirate: AH! ME CHEST (falls overs).
Balin: Matey! What has happened?
Pirate: This be the work of the invisible pirate, Garlot! Avenge my death to the bottom of the sea (dies).
Narrator: Balin, with the lady that accompanied the pirate Harleus, set out on a journey to find Garlot. Soon, they heard of a feast at Pirate Pellam’s ship that the invisible knight would be attending. At the feast, tensions were running high.
Balin: See the black-faced pirate at the end of the table, my lady? That is him, the one we are after.
Garlot: Why do you stare at me, foolish parrot (Garlot smacks Balin across the face)
Balin: This is not the only wrong you have bestowed on me, you scallywag (Balin shoots Garlot through the heart with his pistol)
Narrator: As blood gushed all over the table, King Mark and his pirates put on their arms and were soon chasing Balin. Balin continued to run from room to room, looking for another weapon, until he came upon a coffin with a shining gold sword.
Balin: Take that, you coward (stabs Pirate Pellam).
Narrator: Immediately, the walls of the ship and three other ships collapsed, causing destruction and death. The sword had been the same sword that killed Davy Jones, and it’s mystical powers kept Pellam and Balin in a trance for days. Eventually, Merlin came about and woke Balin from his trance and told him of the woman’s death in the ruins. Balin decided to move on and row to the nearest ship he could. Eventually, he reached a ship amid great festivities, and was told by the ladies of the boat that he, the Pirate of the Two Pistols, must now fight the Pirate of the Island.
Balin: Such a sorry task, but I shall go forth!
Pirate of the Island: Hold your weapon high!
Narrator: The two warriors fought until blood flowed freely from their wounds. Ladies looked upon the fight in awe, as the other pirates watched the valor of the two fighters. Eventually, both were struck to the ground and only a breath away from death.
Balin: Tell me, worthy pirate, what be yer name? You be the best of the best (besides me, that is) on these watery seas.
Pirate of the Island: I am (removes eye patch) Pirate Balan, brother to Pirate Balin!
Balin: (gasp) Alas, me brother, we have slaughtered each other through and through! (Cries to the ship) Let us be buried with honors, and in the same watery grave together!
Narrator: Both Balin and Balan soon passed away, and their wishes were honored by the ship. Merlin, who had seen the whole battle unfold, soon reappeared on Arthur’s ship to tell him the news.
Merlin: Alas, Pirate Arthur, Balin and Balan have mistakenly killed each other in a fight! You shall never be seein’ them again!
Arthur: (Saddened) Ay, Matey, them boys were the finest of pirates known to me. Let them be honored for their work!
THE WAR WITH THE FIVE KINGS Characters: Narrator Pellinore Torre Gawain Arthur Merlin Nyneve Gwynevere Five Policeman: Policeman of Denmark Policeman of Ireland Policeman of Sorleyse Policeman of the Isle Policeman of the Vale Sir Kay Sir Bagdemagus
Narrator: Pellinore, Sir Torre, and Gawain returned to Camelot with Nyneve. Merlin was out in the garden, turning fresh roses into pure gold. At the sound of the returning knights, Merlin turned around, and immediately fell in love with the young Maiden, Nyneve. Gawain: Hey Merlin. Whatcha doin’? Merlin: (Pompously) Just, uh, turning these roses into gold, but no big deal. Nyneve: (Flirtatiously) Ooh wow. I’ve always wanted to be able to do that. Can you show me how? Narrator: Merlin was hesitant about sharing the secrets of his magical crafts with an unfamiliar woman, but his heart got the better of him. Merlin: Well of course. Come by any time. I’m free all day. Narrator: Nyneve was fascinated by Merlin’s abilities, and she spent many days with him while he shared his secrets with her. Soon, Nyneve was satisfied with the amount of magic she’d learned, and no longer found it necessary to request Merlin’s assistance. Merlin: (Cheerily) Oh Nyneve! Where were you today? I thought you wanted to learn how to use magic to clean all the toilets! Nyneve: (Annoyed) Oh, it’s quite alright, Merlin. That wont be necessary. Narrator: Nyneve turned on the spot, and walked away as quickly as possible. Distressed, Merlin ran after her, but she had already disappeared. Merlin felt very melancholy, and retired to his room to learn about his destiny. Merlin soon discovered that his destiny was to be buried alive in the near future, and deeply despaired by the news, he went to seek his friend Arthur for consolation.
Merlin: (Holding Back Tears) Arthur this just stinks! I just learned that my destiny is to be buried alive soon, and there’s nothing I can do, and I’m completely in love with Nyneve to boot. Arther: (Concerned) Surely with your magical abilities you could be able to avert such a tragic fate. Merlin: (Desperately ) No I can’t! I’m so cooked! Oh Arthur! What can I do! There’s no way to change by stupid destiny! Arthur: (Hesitantly) Gee, uh, I dunno. Merlin: Well what do you do when you feel down? Arthur: Ski Merline: (Indignantly) Ski? Arthur: Yes. In fact, there’s a swanky little ski resort just a 5 hour drive south of here. (Pauses) And uh, why don’t you take that Nyneve chick with you (nudges Merlin and raises his eyebrows) Merlin: (Eyes gleaming with excitement) You know that’s not such a bad idea...I’ve always wanted to ski. Arthur: (Grin creeping across his face) That’s where I took Gwynevere for our honeymoon. Best three days of my life. I’ll even let you borrow my very expensive skis. That’s sure to impress Nyneve. Merlin: (Who had always secretly envied Arthur of his high quality skis pats Arthur on the Back) Gee thanks Arty boy. You’re a real pal. Narrator: Merlin walked with a fresh spring in his step that you would not expect to see from a man who just found out he was going to be buried alive. He wandered around the castle joyously until he found Nyneve, who was practicing turning roses into gold. Merlin: (excitedly) Hey Nyneve. I have a great idea. How bout a skiing mini-break? Narrator: Nyneve struggled to think of an excuse for not going with Merlin, but none came, so she accepted his offer. Nyneve: Yeah Sure. I mean, whatever. Merlin: Sweet. When are you free? Nyneve: (edgily) I’m free this evening. Narrator: Merlin and Nyneve departed from Camelot that night in search of the five star ski resort. Merlin had debated between the most expensive, five room sweet complete with kitchen and swimming pool, but he decided, the cozy one bed room on the top floor would be his best best for convincing Nyneve to do the act of love. After several wrong turns, and many hours driving, they arrived at the resort. Merlin: (enthusiastically) Well here we are! Nyneve: (Dryly) Oh good. Narrator: Merlin put his arm around Nyneve, and they went up to the room.
Merlin: (Disingenuously) Oh dear. There’s only one bed in the room I’ve booked. Too bad... Nyneve: (annoyed) Thanks a lot, Merlin. You’ve ruined the vacation and we’ve just arrived. Merlin: (abashed) Errr. Sorry. Shall we go skiing then? Nyneve: It’s 12am. won’t the lifts be closed? Merlin: Well there are some good things about dating a Magician... Narrator: Suddenly Nyneve had a good idea for how she could get rid of Merlyn. Nyneve: (Giddily) That would be really cool! Let’s go! Narrator: Merlin donned Arthur’s very expensive skis, and he and Nyneve snuck out to the silent ski lift. Merlin: (To himself) Maybe if I can pull this one off Nyneve will sleep with me tonight. Narrator: Merlin reached the ski lift and uttered: Merlin: snykrem, stnemilpmoc ot enutpn Narrator: And the lift began to creak and move Merlin: Ready, beautiful? Nyneve: I’ve never been on a ski lift before. I’ll watch you the first time, and then we can go together. Merlin: Ok, fine. Narrator: Nyneve watched Merlin’s form shrink into the darkness as he moved father and father up the mountain. When it looked like he was about a quarter of the way up, Nyneve began to saw at the metal cable of the lift. When Merlin was half way to the top, the last string of wire snapped, and he plummeted to the ground and was buried in a deep snow bank, fulfilling his destiny. Nyneve, relieved to be rid of him, packed up her things, and took the bus back to Camelot. A few days after she arrived, she confessed to King Arthur that she had killed Merlin, and the police was sure to be after her.
Nyneve: (whining) Oh Arthur, what am I supposed to do now? Narrator: As soon as she had spoken, a loud, rapid sequence of knocks came at the door. Arthur and Nyneve: (looking at each other) Uh-oh... Narrator: Before Arthur had a chance to open the door, the five policemen began to enter. The Policeman of Denmark, the Policeman of Ireland, the Policeman of Sorleyse, the Policeman of the Isle, and the Policeman of the Vale. Arthur: (Annoyed) Golldog! Why can’t I have a minute of peace around here? Narrator: Arthur ran upstairs to try to enlist King Pellinore’s help, and then asked Gwynevere if she would be willing to accompany him as well. Arthur: (Winningly) Come on, old sport! Be a pal! Gwynevere: (Sappily) Well of course Arthur. I would do anything for you. Narrator: Arthur grabbed his secret stash of guns from under his bed, and tossed Gwynevere and Pellinore each a pistol, keeping the machine gun for himself. Then Sir Kay and Sir Gryfflet arrived and agreed to help as well. Sir Kay: Hey guys, what’s going on? Arthur: I’m not sure what to do. We could either jump out the window, or battle the policeman downstairs. Gwynevere: (peering out the window) I vote the window...It’s only a three story fall. Kay: I don’t want to be a coward. I’ll take the policeman. Gawain: (Rationally) No no. That doesn’t make any sense at all. There are five of them and only four of us. Kay: You underestimate me. I can shoot two guns at the same time. Narrator: Arthur, Gawain, Gryfflet, and Gwynevere ran into the hall, and Kay led the way down the stairs. Before the first policeman knew what was happening, Kay had blown his brains out. Together, they managed to kill the rest of the policeman. Arthur: Well done everyone
Gwynevere: Kay! You were amazing! Kay: Really, it’s no big deal. Arthur: (Disgruntled) Alright Gwynevere, that’s enough. Narrator: To Arthur’s dismay, he discovered that some of the Knights of the round table had been killed by the five policemen before they had killed the policemen. Arthur: Pellinore, how should we replace the knights that were killed? Pellinore: Er, how bout you have four older knights and four younger ones. For the older ones, how about King Uryens, Sir Hervyse de Revell, Sir Galagar, and the King of the Lake. For the younger knights I would recommend Sir Gawain, Sir Gryfflet, Sir Kay, and either Sir Bagdemagus or Sir Torre. (Modestly) But I’m really not sure... Gawain: (Chiming in) I think that’s a great idea! Gryfflet: Yeah, me too. Arthur: Well okay then. And I think I’ll choose Sir Torre. Sir Bagdemagus (Furiously): Thanks a lot guys! I’m leaving. Narrator: Sir Bagdemagus traveled for many days, and eventually it occurred to him that if he killed one the the knights of the round table, he would be next in line for a spot. He pondered this for a while, and eventually came upon the ski resort where Merlin had been buried. Too cool off steam, he decided to go for a ski. As Sir Bagdemagus made his way slowly snow-plowing down the mountain, he thought he heard a muffled voice. About halfway down he realized the yell was coming from beneath a particularly large snow bank. Sir Bagdemagus(pressing his ear against the snow bank) Hello? who’s down there?
Merlin: It’s me, Merlin! I’ve been buried alive! Sir Bagdemagus Oh dear. Don’t worry I’ll get you out! Narrator: Sir Bagdemagus dug at the snow for a good ten minutes, but he grew increasingly frustrated as he did not seem to be making any progress. Merlin (Melancholy and resigned) That won’t work you know. Even if 100 people dug together, they wouldn’t be able to unburry me. Nyneve has enchanted this snow bank, so that I’ll be stuck down here forever. Sir Bagdemagus: (genuinely) Bummer, man! Narrator: Sir Bagdemagus skied down the rest of the mountain, and for many months he wandered around the mountains of the ski resort and practiced his skiing. Soon he was qualified to enter the Olympics, and he claimed the gold metal for downhill. When King Arthur got wind of Sir Bagdemagus’s fame, he made him a knight of the round table.
The year was 1954, South Korea. The elite forces of the American army, led by the honorable Commander Pendragon were stationed in an encampment on the front lines. It was the day of a trial, held by Arthur Pendragon, his chief intelligence officer Mr. Merlin, and other significant personnel, to debate the release of Lieutenant Balin, an American soldier imprisoned months earlier for the murder of Pendragon’s cousin.
Merlin:
(strongly) All rise for Commander Pendragon!
Narrator:
Pendragon entered, with two guards and Balin.
Balin:
(pleading) Please, you’ve got to listen to me, I didn’t kill him, it wasn’t me…
Pendragon:
(in control) Shut him up! (business-like) Everybody, take a seat. The trial is for Lieutenant Balin, on charges of first degree murder.
Narrator:
The trial preceded regularly, Balin pleading innocent, with Arthur Pendragon furious over the death of his cousin. However, nearing the end, Merlin leaned across the jury table and whispered into Arthur’s ear.
Pendragon:
(sighs) Very well. At the behest of our intelligence officer, Mr. Merlin, Balin will be released, and no charges will be held against him. Court dismissed.
Narrator:
Balin soon realized that, despite his unexpected release, he had nowhere to go. He wandered aimlessly through the camp for several days. One day, a mysterious hermit woman arrived there.
Hermit:
(mysteriously) I am told that you are the bravest soldiers in the Korean war. Well, only the most virtuous of you will be able to pass my challenge. Only the most pure, courageous marine will be able to draw this handgun from its holster.
Irish soldier:
(laughing) You old fool! Anyone can draw a pistol from its holster, it does not take virtue!
Narrator:
And yet, after trying, the boastful soldier could not. Many more tried, even commander Pendragon himself, but none could. At last, one more approached…
Balin:
May I try to draw that handgun?
Hermit:
(as though Balin is stupid) You fool! You were a prisoner, there’s no way you could be the most virtuous soldier here!
Narrator:
And yet, he drew the pistol from its sheath as easily as he drew any other pistol.
Hermit:
(reluctantly) Well, it would appear my first impressions were wrong. But you may not keep it!
Balin:
(defiantly) As I have won this sword, it is mine to keep.
Hermit:
Very well, but I must warn you. With that gun, you are fated to kill the person whom you most love.
Balin:
Ha! Impossible.
Narrator:
But Balin was frightened by the hermit’s warning, and hid himself away in a dark tent. That is, until some news came.
Cook:
Lieutenant Balin, may I come in? I have an important message for you, something you might be interested to hear.
Balin:
(urgently) Well, what is it?
Cook:
The ambassador from the region of the lake, you know… they call her the lady of the lake. She is in the encampment, and she wishes for your head.
Balin:
(broodingly) That is because she remembers I killed her brother.
I was avenging the death of my mother! She publicly executed my mother in order to strike fear into those around her. She is a wicked woman, and this is my only chance for revenge.
Narrator:
Meanwhile, in Pendragon’s briefing room…
Pendragon:
(as a matter of fact) I released him from prison, ambassador. I cannot kill him now.
Ambassador:
I demand that you do! As you recall, I traded you that nuclear missile Excalibur when you most needed it in the early days of the war, and asked only that you repay me at a later date. Now I get my reward.
Balin:
(furiously) Now you get it! You asked for my head, so I shall take yours!
Narrator:
With that Balin fired a shot through the lady of the lake’s forehead with the mystical gun, killing her instantly.
Pendragon:
You murderer! You’ve slain our benefactress! I knew Merlin was wrong. You’ll be deported instantly and court marshalled in the States.
Narrator:
Balin, however, was horrified by the idea of returning. He managed to escape the guards who were escorting him to his jet, and began to wander about the Korean grasslands. Meanwhile, Mr. Merlin debriefed the troops.
Merlin:
We have more information on the hermit. She was a traitor from America who moved to Korea. Her brother killed her husband in a fit of rage, and she found a local witch doctor, who cursed her husband’s gun in the hopes that one day it would kill her brother as well. Balin now holds this gun, he should be treated as a definite threat to security and peace.
Narrator:
After the meeting, Arthur was approached by the Irish soldier who had tried to pull the gun from the holster.
Irish soldier:
My commander, let me find this Balin. I am skilled at tracking. I shall bring him down.
Pendragon:
Very well. Would you like a companion?
Irish soldier:
Any other soldier would slow me down. I will bring my wife for companionship.
Narrator:
However, in a conversation with the locals, Balin learned of this soldier, and prepared to ambush him when he rested for the night…
Irish soldier:
(to his wife) Don’t worry my dear. We’ll find this prisoner soon, and then we’ll be able to go home, and never have to worry about him again.
Balin:
(angry) You fool! You should never have come after me!
Narrator:
Balin, drawing his pistol, shot dead the soldier who had come searching for him. His wife stood horrified before her dead husband. She slowly stooped, picked up his gun, and held it, solemnly.
Wife:
We had so much to live for… so many prospects. They’re all gone now.
Narrator:
And with that, she pointed the loaded gun at the bottom of her chin and pulled the trigger.
Balin:
(depressed) Alas, I caused the death of this young woman...
Thus Balin wandered the countryside. One day he found his brother who was like him an officer in the army.
Balin:
(surprised) Brother! It has been so long! Why did you come to a treacherous warzone, just to see me?
Balan:
A friend of mine in the States told me of your trouble, of your commander withdrawing you from service!
Balin:
Perhaps you can help me win his trust back... One of Korea’s leading generals, Royns, is virtually undefended for now while his army is still out. Perhaps by killing him and bringing him to Arthur, I will prove myself worthy.
Narrator:
Balin and Balan travelled for days to Royns’s safe house. One day, after they had laid down camp for the night and slept, Balin seemed to see that a tomb had been constructed there and a dwarf stood before them.
Dwarf:
Hello, Lieutenant Balin.
Balin:
(shocked) Who… who are you?
Midget:
I am here to warn you that the killing of the soldier’s wife was an unfortunate misdeed, and with it, you have signed your own doom.
Balin:
But that wasn’t my own fault!
Midget: I have built for the soldier and his wife a tomb, and in it they will lie together, as you too will lie together with your most beloved.
Balin:
(thoroughly confused) I don’t understand! Who are you?
Narrator: But the dwarf was already receding into the darkness. Now Balin heard Merlin’s voice in his mind.
Merlin:
He is merely a vision, and soon you will wake up.
Balin:
Mr. Merlin?! What are you doing here?
Merlin:
I come with a prophesy. You will fire a shot, a shot which will be remembered forever in Korea. It shall be known forever as the dolorous stroke. Be warned.
Balin:
Wait wait, come back! Come back…
Balan:
Brother, brother wake up!
Balin:
What is it?
Balan:
You must have been dreaming. Let us continue to Royns’ fort; it is not far from here.
Narrator:
After a short ride they arrived at the fort. They smashed down the door guns shooting. They quickly saw Royns, who was surrounded by a group of guards. Balin shot Royns dead while Balan slew the other guards. The others could only watch in fear and confusion. Balan then quickly cut off Royns’s head, and the two made their escape.
Balan:
Present this to Commander Pendragon, and he will surely reinstate you.
Narrator:
As they approached Pendragon’s encampment, they showed the guards the head, and were allowed to progress forward to see Pendragon.
Pendragon:
(shocked and angry) You! Why do you show your head in this camp again?? I should have you arrested instantly!
Balin:
(smugly) We bring for you a gift, sir.
Narrator:
Balin withdrew Royns’s head, to Arthur’s astonishment. At that point, the walls of the tent shook. The Cook rushed in, frightened.
Cook:
(frightened) Sir, this is it! A massive offensive led by the top Korean generals, Nero and Lot, is approaching!
Pendragon:
Then we must prepare our defenses! (pausing) Balin… you have pleased me with your deeds. For this, you are forgiven for your past actions and you are now reinstated in this army with your former rank. Now, you and your brother come with me ; we have a long fight ahead of us.
Narrator:
It was a bloody battle, but through the two brothers’ brilliant leadership the Koreanswere routed from the battlefield. Korea’s unconditional surrender followed soon after. Balan parted ways at that point, promising to each other that they would meet again before long. Arthur had a special request for Balin: find and kill the man truly responsible for his cousin’s death: a sniper known as the Invisible Knight.
He is currently with his brother, a local warlord named Pellam, who is throwing a fifteen day long feast. You will find him at Pellam’s fort.
Narrator:
Balin travelled to the feast. When he had taken his seat at the table, he asked his neighbor if he knew where the Invisible Knight was.
Neighbor:
Who doesn’t? He’s the man with the black face over there. I should warn you, he is a violent man with a wild temper.
Narrator:
The Invisible Knight noticed Balin staring, and came over to slap him across the face.
Invisible Knight:
You’re here to feast, not to stare.
Balin:
This is not the first time you have wronged me.
Narrator: With that he drew his enchanted pistol and shot the Invisible Knight between the eyes,who crumpled on the floor, dead, at Balin’s feet. Several guards stood, drawing their weapons, but Balin quickly shot them too. By now, the other guests were scrambling for the door to escape the crossfire. At this point Pellam struck Balin across the head and seized the pistol. Balin reached wildly for the rifle of a dead guard beside him. But in his unfocused shot at Pellam, he missed, and instead ignited the gas tank behind him. Little did Balin know, Pellam was a weapons dealer, and the explosion that followed would be remembered forever: the dolorous shot. For beneath the house lay a massive stash of weapons of mass destruction, and the explosion ignited them. The blast destroyed the palace adn exterminated all life within a ten mile radius, except for Balin who remained in a trance among the ruins.
Narrator: Three days later Merlin appeared and roused Balin from his trance.
Merlin:
(calmly) Wake up, Balin. You must go from here.
Narrator:
Balin gathered his strength and travelled the wasteland created by the explosion. Everywhere was death and destruction, and those who lay dying cursed him with their last breaths. Lost in the wasteland, on the verge of starvation and dehydration, he came to the outskirts of an encampment, where he was greeted by a stranger.
Local:
Hello, traveler.
Balin:
Who are you?
Local:
Just a local. A friend. A warning. Here we can give you rest, food, warmth, and water. But you must challenge the lord of this place for his position. This man bears a red mask as a symbol of his position. You must kill him or he must kill you.
Balin:
I have no fear of this “man in a red mask.”
Narrator:
Balin entered the encampment and brought himself before the masked lord. Without warning Balin drew his magical pistol and fired several times into the man’s gut. The man crumpled on the floor in great pain and Balin then tore off his mask. He was speechless when he saw who this man was: his brother, Balan.
Balan:
(dying) You’ve killed me, Brother. Just like you, I had come to this camp and murdered the previous lord for this.
Balin:
(crying) I had not realised...! Brother, wait!
Narrator:
Yet Balan had already expired.
Balin:
(sobbing now) Balan! Alas… at last, this cursed weapon has fulfilled the prophecy.
Narrator:
Balin picked up the weapon, and, his hand shaking, loaded the trigger. Knowing he had nothing left to live for, he placed the gun to the side of his head and pulled the trigger.
That night the people of the encampment constructed a tomb over the spot where the bodies lay. Only Balan’s name was inscribed, as they did not know Balin’s name. Merlin drove to the encampment on the morning after the burial and added to the inscription: Here lyeth Balin le saveage, who struck the dolorous stroke.
Narrator:
Merlin then lifted the handgun, replaced it in its rightful holster and threw it into the nearby river. He then stepped back to his car, and drove away.
Meg Calloway Lucy Skinner Le Morte d’ Arthur: The Poisoned Apple Adaptation
Characters: Narrator Lancelot -- (Lance) Guinievere -- (Gwen) Sir Gawain -- (Gawain) Sir Patrice -- (Patrick) Sir Bors -- (Boris) Sir Mador -- (Mador) Sir Lyonel -- (Lionel) Sir Ector -- (Ector) Nineve “Lady of The Lake” -- (Police Officer) Sir Pinel -- (Pinel) King Arthur -- (Arthur) Lamerok -- (Lindsay (Pinel’s Girlfriend)) Sorority Girls Frat Boys
Summary/Plot: The knights return from the Holy Grail quest, and Launcelot returns to the bed chamber of his lover, Guinevere, who grew jealous while he was gone, kicks him out, in fear that he was with other women and in fear of a scandal in the court. Launcelot is heartbroken after his banishment, summons his best friends, Sir Ector, Sir Lyonel, and Sir Bors, whom he tells everything. They tell him not to be discourage, that he is the greatest knight alive and the women are inherently changeable. Launcelot feels the queen will not let him return, but Bors states that she has often forgiven him. Guinevere arranges a feast for the knights of the round table to show she is not upset. To honor her guests she has a splendid banquet, including Gawain’s favorite, apples. Sir Pinel had secretly poisoned some of them beforehand. The first to have an apple was Sir Patrice, who ate it and died. The guests rose in horror, and Gawain said that it was Guinevere that prepared the feast, so she must be the culprit. Arthur is grief stricken because the punishment for treason is burning at the stake, and feels she is innocent, but can’t convince the others. She denies being guilty. Sir Mador says he will fight against her. Launcelot is not in the court, so she must ask Sir Bors to defend her. He agrees, because no other knight will. They prepare for battle, and if Mador won, they would burn her. When at jousting field, Launcelot shows up and takes Bors place but no one knows who he is. Launcelot wins the joust and fight savagely for an hour before winning and Mador begs for mercy. He reveals identity and the queen congratulates him. She then weeps for shame and forgives him. Lady of the Lake appears and informs them the true culprit was Sir Pinel, who was trying to kill Gawain as vengeance of the murder of Lamerok. Mador wants to make up with the queen.
Narrator: Gwen waited at the campus bus station for the return of the Camelot College Knight’s football team from their victorious championship game. She was anxious to see Lance--her boyfriend, Arthur’s, best friend, and the guy she was secretly seeing. She sat quietly, listening to the other girlfriends’ annoying chatter. Normally she would have joined in gossiping with the other sorority girls, but something her friend Morgan had told her had been irking her all day.
Sorority girl: The boys are back!! Look, the bus is here!
Narrator: The football players piled out of the bus, sweaty and tired, but pumping their fists in celebration as they greeted their ladies. Gwen spots Arthur, waving at her.
Arthur: Gwen, hey!
Narrator: Arthur gives her a big hug and peck on the cheek. She gave him a tentative smile, but out of the corner of her eye was searching for Lance.
Arthur: A’ight. I’mma go celebrate with ma boys. Catch you later?
Gwen: (Cutesy) Sure thing, babe!
Narrator: Gwen then spots Lance and pulls him to the side. They both check to see no one was looking. Luckily, everyone’s attention was elsewhere--including Arthur’s.
Lance: (Whispers) How are you? I missed you a lot.
Gwen: (Angrily/ Sassy) Yeah right! Morgan told me ALL about you and that cheerleader at the game! How could you, Lance? Seriously?
Lance: (Shocked) What? Why would you believe Le Fay? Everyone knows she’s a sociopath. I would never do that to you.
Gwen: Stop lying to me! (Sniffles) I can’t believe you cheated on me. (Begins to wail)
Lance: (Mad) Are you kidding me? You’re such a hypocrite!
Gwen: (Gasps) I. Am. Not. (Hysterical) I hate you, Lance. You’re a jerk and I never want to see you again.
Lance: But...
Gwen: Talk to the hand!
Narrator: Lance stood still, his mouth agape, as Gwen stomped back to her car and sped away. Sullenly, he went to join his team members in celebration, though he was shaking in anger. He then turns to Arthur.
Lance: Look man, I’m not feeling all that great. I’mma peace. But you guys have fun.
Arthur: (Disappointed) Dang man, catch ya later.
Narrator: The two friends pound their fists before going their separate ways.
PART 2:
Narrator: At the campus pizza parlor, the Camelot Knights celebrated their win. Arthur laughed with Gawain as his team members chattered on. Noticing his phone was vibrating, he reached into his back pocket; he had a text. He read it quickly and grew excited.
Arthur: Yo! Men! I’ve got an announcement.
Narrator: The team quieted quickly and listened to their Captain.
Gawain: What’s up bro?
Arthur: Gwen is throwing a sick party tonight at the Kappa house to celebrate. Are you boys in?
Boris: Duh! Gwen’s parties are the best. And those Kappa girls are so hot.
Narrator: The team chuckled.
Team: (Laughs in agreement)
Ector: Maybe our boy Gawain here can actually get some tonight! (Laughs)
Patrick: (Chuckles) Hey man! Leave the kid alone. His last girl brought him a bunch of drama...right, Pinel?
Pinel: (Angry) Can we not talk about that?
Gawain: Yeah...it’s old news. (Laughs nervously)
Narrator: Everyone knew that earlier in the year, Gawain had a fling with Pinel’s girlfriend Lindsay. There was serious drama when Pinel found out, resulting in Gawain getting his face smashed by Pinel in the locker room. Arthur managed to break it up before it got too serious, but Gawain had some pretty serious bruises for a few weeks after. Though they supposedly moved on, Gawain was still nervous around Pinel, and Pinel wasn’t one to forgive and forget easily.
Lionel: (Awkwardly) Anyway...did Gwen say if she’s got drinks set up?
Arthur: Uhm, yeah. I’ll pick up a keg, no probs.
Mador: We need the good stuff man. Our victory was epic today.
Gawain: (Excitedly) Oooh! Can you get some apple shnops too? It’s delicious!
Arthur: Dude. You’re a girl.
Pinel: (Mischievously) I’d be happy to pick up the other drinks, boys. (Chuckles evilly)
Arthur: Thanks, man.
Narrator: What the rest of the team did not know was that Pinel had plans to get his revenge on Gawain tonight. He would buy the drinks for the party--including Gawain’s favorite apple flavored drink. He had a connection with a guy on campus who supplied all the frats with “special drugs”. He would just pick up some GHB from him, slip it into Gawain’s drink before the party, and Gawain would be practically unconscious. The plan was perfect!
Pinel: Tonight is gonna be epic...(Chuckles)
PART 3:
Narrator: Midnight struck and the Kappa Fraternity house was buzzing with people and loud music. They started the night with a couple games of beer pong on their special round ping-pong table. Then Gwen emerged, in a dazzling sequined dress, carrying a tray of shots of apple shnops.
Gwen: Now here is the real stuff, just for you Gawain...Gawain?
Narrator: Gwen looked across the room to see Gawain sprawled across the couch, snoring.
Patrick: (Chuckling) Guess he had a couple too many games of beer pong! Oh well, I’ll take the first shot! (Toasts) To the Camelot Knights! (Gulps down the shot, swallows, then collapses on the floor)
Everybody: (Gasp)
Narrator: The music had stopped as the crowd stared dumbfounded at the body of Patrick, then their eyes moved to Gwen, who was frozen stock still.
Gwen: (Hysterically) Patrick. Patrick! PATRICK!! Wake up! This can’t be happening, am I drunk? Or hallucinating? (Buckles over in sobs)
Arthur: (somberly) Well Gwen, it was you who brought the drinks, I mean, I can’t just let this slide. Patrick was my bro, and no
Gwen: (Sobbing and in hysterics) I swear I didn’t do it. Arthur please believe me, I would never do this!
Narrator: Gawain awoke to see the crowd in hysterics and Gwen bawling. He asked, groggily, what had happened. Ector told him quickly. He couldn’t believe it.
Lionel: Do you mind telling us what has happened then, Gwen?
Narrator: Mador reached down to check Patrick’s pulse. His eyes grew wide in fear and he gasped aloud.
Gawain: Guys, I hate to say this but...Gwen threw the party. She served the drinks. She did it, man!
Narrator: Pinel stood back from the crowd and watched the mess unfold. He was terrified. Had he bought the wrong drugs? He didn’t want anyone to die! He just wanted Gawain to be unconscious. He knew one thing for sure; he could NOT be caught.
Pinel: (Gruffly) Yeah. Gwen must’ve done it.
Lionel: That’s stone cold, girl.
Gwen: (Wails) You all have to believe me!
Ector: Someone call the police! And kick her out of the sorority A.S.A.P.!
Bors: The po-po are on their way.
Arthur: Now hang on. I know this looks bad but Gwen isn’t capable of murder! The only logical answer is that we have a fight. Go medieval on this thing. We get two guys to fight, right? And one will be defending Gwen. It’ll be sick.
Gawain: How the heck will that solve anything?
Arthur: (Unsure) Uh...it will be cool? Besides, the police can sort the rest out. So...who’s gonna fight against Gwen?
Gwen: (Upset) This is a HORRIBLE idea!
Mador: (Excitedly) I’ll do it!
Arthur: Nice. And who’s gonna defend my girl?
Bors: (Unsure) I will?
Arthur: Alrighty then, how bout--
Ector: (Screams) The po-po are here!!
Arthur: Everyone! Quick! To the football field!
Narrator: As the Camelot Police Department barged through the front door of The Kappa fraternity house, the guests fled out the back door, and headed to the football field, leaving poor Patrick’s body on the floor, and Gawain to explain the incident to the authorities.
PART 4:
Narrator: The moon cast shadows across the football field as the party go-ers and team members spread in a circle around Mador and Bors. Bors was stretching his arms when a car pulled up and a dark figure approached. The figure gestured for Bors to talk to him. Quickly, Bors ducked out of the crowds view and went to meet the stranger. The stranger lifted his hood slightly, revealing his face.
Lance: I heard what happened to Pat. I can take over for you.
Bors: Are you sure man?
Lance: Don’t worry, I’ve got it.
Narrator: Bors faded into the mass of people as Lance walked through the crowd to the center of the circle. He stepped forward to face Mador, his face hidden in the shadows and fists raised. The crowd murmured in confusion about Bors replacement. No one knew who the hooded stranger was. Mador took the first punch, and Lance veered to the left expertly dodging him. He twisted around and nailed Mador in the side knocking him off balance. While Mador was staggering for his balance Lance hit him again in the nose, spraying blood everywhere and knocking Mador back into the mud. He gave one last glance as he recognized defeat and collapsed back into the mud. Lance removed his hood and faced Gwen.
Lance: It was the least I could do. I know you’re not a killer Gwen. (In whispered undertones) I’m really sorry about earlier, I am telling you Gwen, you are all that matters to me.
Gwen: (Urgent whispers) Not now Lance, meet me later. (High pitch voice) Arthur, where oh where have you gone off too...?
Narrator: In the aftermath of the fight, the students had not noticed the appearance of the police officer, Nineve. She cleared her throat and all eyes turned to her.
Nineve: What has been going on here!? I am glad I arrived before matters got out of hand. Now, about the homicide...we took fingerprints on the shot glasses and found the perpetrator. Gwen, you are free to go.
Gwen: (gratefully) Thank you so much! (Collapses with relief in Arthur’s arms)
Crowd: (Urgently) Who was it?
Nineve: Pinel, please step forward. You have the right to remain silent, anything that you say may be used against you in a court of law. You have the right to an attorney and if you cannot afford one, one will be appointed to you....
Narrator: Nineve’s words trailed off behind her as she led Pinel away in handcuff. The crowd was flabbergasted at the betrayal of their fraternity brother. They understood his motive quickly--Gawain had slept with Lindsay, Pinel’s girlfriend, so this must have been his revenge. Mador then turned to Gwen.
Mador: (somberly) I’m really sorry for fighting against you, I just had no idea what to believe. Friends?
Gwen: It’s okay, I understand. I guess one thing we can learn from this, besides that you should never cheat with one of your brother’s girls, is that you should never take a drink if you don’t know where it has been.
Narrator: The crowd slowly nodded as they pulled their jackets tightly around them and headed to their cars. Then next morning they all went to visit Patrick in the hospital, after a night in the intensive care unit he pulled through and awoke to a crowd of his friends there to greet him.
Gwen: (Bubbly) Oh Patty! I’m so glad you’re okay!
Arthur: Dude, you scared us pretty bad.
Patrick: (Groggily) Yeah...it was a pretty rough knight. Lesson learned--never take a drink from Gwen.
Gawain Uwayne and Marhaus Maiden arrives with Mantel from Morgan “I bear this kingly mantle to you as a token of your sister’s apology.” Nyneve draws Arthur aside quickly “It’s a trap mine lord, you should tell her to wear it before you risk yourself or any of your knights.” Arthur (to maiden) “Surly you should be the first to try the mantle on.” The maiden then puts on the mantle, and burst into a blue flame. Arthur addresses King Uriens. “My sister, your wife has plotted my death, but since Sir Accolon tolod me of her plot to kill you, you are free of guilt. However I cannot trust Morgan’s son, sir Uwayne, so he is banished. Gawin “If my cousin, Sir Uwayne is banished then so am I, I’ll go with you Uwayne” Narrator “ Uwayne and Gawain travelled until they reached a castle, where they found a knight, Sir Marhaus” Sir Marhaus “I challenge you” Sir Uwayne “I will take the challenge, but Gawain you must avenge me should I fall. Narrator “They fought then sir Marhaus said” Marhaus “You are truly knights of great prowess, we should not fight, but be as brothers” Narrator “ the three knights the journeyed to sir Marhaus’s priory, where they waited a week for their wounds to heal, they then decided to go adventuring together” Marhaus “in these woods there are always adventure to be had” Narrator “the knights continued through the woods until they came upon a well with three noble women, one of 60 years, one 30, and one 15 seated around it.” 1st Noble woman “We are here to instruct errant knights on the paths of adventure, each of you shall journey with one of us, then we will all meet back here in one year. Uwayne “Since I am the youngest of the group, and most lacking in experience I will travel with the oldest of this group. Marhaus “I shall journey with the lady who is middle in age. Gawain “And I will go with the youngest, who I shurly would have picked any way, as she is the most beautiful. Narrator “So the six parted ways.” “Sir Uwayne and his lady first came upon a tournament, which sir Uwayne won. The Lady then told sir Uwayne of two knights, sir Hewe and sir Edwarde who had extorted the lands of a lady, they then traveled to that castle.” Narrator “upon hearing the lady’s plight Uwayne said” Uwayne “As I knight of the round table I must help you out of this predicament. Narrator “The knights were summoned, and Uwayne said””I am here to champion the lady’s cause” However sir Edwarde and sir Hew were disdainful. Narrator “the next day the three knights fought, after they were all unhorsed sir Uwayne killed sir Edwarde, and sir Hewe agreed to give up the stolen estates, and yield to king Arthur, Sir Uwane spent six months recovering from his wounds.” Narroator “Sir Gawain and his lady had lodge with an elderly knight on the night of their first day.” Elderly knight “In the morning I promise there will be an amazing spectacle to see.” Narrator “The next morning Gawain and the lady witnessed a knight, sir Pelleas, who defeated ten others, he then dismounted, and the others took him prisoner.” Noble woman “Gawain, you must do something, or are you too afraid to try” Narrator “then a dwarf rode out of the forest, amd the noblewoman said” “I would surely rather journey with you, as Gawain is too afraid to rescque that knight in distress.” Narrator “Two knights then rode up, and challenged Gawain, Gawain then fought with one of them, sir Carados, but seemed any even match.” Sir carados “You are indeed a noble fighter, why don’t you lodge with me tonight.” Gawain “I will go gladly, but what do you know of a knight fighting ten others, then surrendering.” Carados “He is Sir Peseaus, who loves those knights commander, though she doesn’t return that love.”
Maiden arrives with Mantel from Morgan “I bear this kingly mantle to you as a token of your sister’s apology.” Nyneve draws Arthur aside quickly “It’s a trap mine lord, you should tell her to wear it before you risk yourself or any of your knights.” Arthur (to maiden) “Surly you should be the first to try the mantle on.” The maiden then puts on the mantle, and burst into a blue flame. Arthur addresses King Uriens. “My sister, your wife has plotted my death, but since Sir Accolon tolod me of her plot to kill you, you are free of guilt. However I cannot trust Morgan’s son, sir Uwayne, so he is banished. Gawin “If my cousin, Sir Uwayne is banished then so am I, I’ll go with you Uwayne” Narrator “ Uwayne and Gawain travelled until they reached a castle, where they found a knight, Sir Marhaus” Sir Marhaus “I challenge you” Sir Uwayne “I will take the challenge, but Gawain you must avenge me should I fall. Narrator “They fought then sir Marhaus said” Marhaus “You are truly knights of great prowess, we should not fight, but be as brothers” Narrator “ the three knights the journeyed to sir Marhaus’s priory, where they waited a week for their wounds to heal, they then decided to go adventuring together” Marhaus “in these woods there are always adventure to be had” Narrator “the knights continued through the woods until they came upon a well with three noble women, one of 60 years, one 30, and one 15 seated around it.” 1st Noble woman “We are here to instruct errant knights on the paths of adventure, each of you shall journey with one of us, then we will all meet back here in one year. Uwayne “Since I am the youngest of the group, and most lacking in experience I will travel with the oldest of this group. Marhaus “I shall journey with the lady who is middle in age. Gawain “And I will go with the youngest, who I shurly would have picked any way, as she is the most beautiful. Narrator “So the six parted ways.” “Sir Uwayne and his lady first came upon a tournament, which sir Uwayne won. The Lady then told sir Uwayne of two knights, sir Hewe and sir Edwarde who had extorted the lands of a lady, they then traveled to that castle.” Narrator “upon hearing the lady’s plight Uwayne said” Uwayne “As I knight of the round table I must help you out of this predicament. Narrator “The knights were summoned, and Uwayne said””I am here to champion the lady’s cause” However sir Edwarde and sir Hew were disdainful. Narrator “the next day the three knights fought, after they were all unhorsed sir Uwayne killed sir Edwarde, and sir Hewe agreed to give up the stolen estates, and yield to king Arthur, Sir Uwane spent six months recovering from his wounds.” Narroator “Sir Gawain and his lady had lodge with an elderly knight on the night of their first day.”
Maiden arrives with Mantel from Morgan “I bear this kingly mantle to you as a token of your sister’s apology.” Nyneve draws Arthur aside quickly “It’s a trap mine lord, you should tell her to wear it before you risk yourself or any of your knights.” Arthur (to maiden) “Surly you should be the first to try the mantle on.” The maiden then puts on the mantle, and burst into a blue flame. Arthur addresses King Uriens. “My sister, your wife has plotted my death, but since Sir Accolon tolod me of her plot to kill you, you are free of guilt. However I cannot trust Morgan’s son, sir Uwayne, so he is banished. Gawin “If my cousin, Sir Uwayne is banished then so am I, I’ll go with you Uwayne” Narrator “ Uwayne and Gawain travelled until they reached a castle, where they found a knight, Sir Marhaus” Sir Marhaus “I challenge you” Sir Uwayne “I will take the challenge, but Gawain you must avenge me should I fall. Narrator “They fought then sir Marhaus said” Marhaus “You are truly knights of great prowess, we should not fight, but be as brothers” Narrator “ the three knights the journeyed to sir Marhaus’s priory, where they waited a week for their wounds to heal, they then decided to go adventuring together” Marhaus “in these woods there are always adventure to be had” Narrator “the knights continued through the woods until they came upon a well with three noble women, one of 60 years, one 30, and one 15 seated around it.” 1st Noble woman “We are here to instruct errant knights on the paths of adventure, each of you shall journey with one of us, then we will all meet back here in one year. Uwayne “Since I am the youngest of the group, and most lacking in experience I will travel with the oldest of this group. Marhaus “I shall journey with the lady who is middle in age. Gawain “And I will go with the youngest, who I shurly would have picked any way, as she is the most beautiful.
Narrator “So the six parted ways.” “Sir Uwayne and his lady first came upon a tournament, which sir Uwayne won. The Lady then told sir Uwayne of two knights, sir Hewe and sir Edwarde who had extorted the lands of a lady, they then traveled to that castle.” Narrator “upon hearing the lady’s plight Uwayne said” Uwayne “As I knight of the round table I must help you out of this predicament. Narrator “The knights were summoned, and Uwayne said””I am here to champion the lady’s cause” However sir Edwarde and sir Hew were disdainful. Narrator “the next day the three knights fought, after they were all unhorsed sir Uwayne killed sir Edwarde, and sir Hewe agreed to give up the stolen estates, and yield to king Arthur, Sir Uwane spent six months recovering from his wounds.” Narroator “Sir Gawain and his lady had lodge with an elderly knight on the night of their first day.” Elderly knight “In the morning I promise there will be an amazing spectacle to see.” Narrator “The next morning Gawain and the lady witnessed a knight, sir Pelleas, who defeated ten others, he then dismounted, and the others took him prisoner.” Noble woman “Gawain, you must do something, or are you too afraid to try” Narrator “then a dwarf rode out of the forest, amd the noblewoman said” “I would surely rather journey with you, as Gawain is too afraid to rescque that knight in distress.” Narrator “Two knights then rode up, and challenged Gawain, Gawain then fought with one of them, sir Carados, but seemed any even match.” Sir carados “You are indeed a noble fighter, why don’t you lodge with me tonight.” Gawain “I will go gladly, but what do you know of a knight fighting ten others, then surrendering.” Carados “He is Sir Peseaus, who loves those knights commander, though she doesn’t return that love.” Narrator “The next day Sir Gawain and sir Caradoswent to find sir Pelleas “ Sir Pelleus “Gawain, you are a noble knight, can you help me win the haert of my lady, the lady Ettrade.” Gawain “I can try, I will unfreeze her heart, then she might fshe you and return your love.” Narrator “So Sir Gawain went to the Lady Ettrade, and pretended to have killed sir Pelleus, the lady then fell in love with Gawain. “Sir Pelleus came to the see Ettrade, but was distraught to see her with Gawain.” The lady Nyneve was ridding by sir Peleus’s pavilion, and decided to fix is poor state. She put Pelleus in a deep sleep, then put a spell of love on Ettrade, she brought Ettrade to Peleus, and woke him.” Pelleus “Vile woman, I never want to see you again.” Narrator “Sir Pelleus then rode away from the land, and Nyneve realized she was destined to love sir Pelleus. The lady Ettrade died of a broke heart. Sir Marhaus and his lady first came upon the castle of a duke.” Duke “You may stay thing night, but you may regret it in the morning, for I am a sworn enemy of king Arthur, and you must fight me and my sons.” Narrator “The next morning Marhaus met the duke and his six sons one the field of battle. they proved no match for him, and he unhorsed the duke and rushed on him.” Marhaus “Yield no or I will kill you.” Duke “I will yeild, and so will my sons, we will even swear allegiance to king Arthur, for you are truely a great knight. Narrator “SIr Marhaus continued to his journey, he won a tournament, the came upon an Eardom in chaos.” Earl “I am besiged by a mighty giant, can you help me fight him.” Marhaus “Iwill, I shall fight him on foot, just as he fights.” Narrator “the gian t weilded a mighty club, from which Gawain took great injuries, however he was able to triumph. He spend six months as the Earl’s guest to recover. After the year was up, and all injuries had been healed the three Knights, and two ladies met at the well in the forest. King Arthur, having dearly missed his cousin had sent a messenger six months earlier, so the knights journed togather back to Camelot, where they were warmly welcomed by Arthur.”
Narrator “So the six parted ways.” “Sir Uwayne and his lady first came upon a tournament, which sir Uwayne won. The Lady then told sir Uwayne of two knights, sir Hewe and sir Edwarde who had extorted the lands of a lady, they then traveled to that castle.” Narrator “upon hearing the lady’s plight Uwayne said” Uwayne “As I knight of the round table I must help you out of this predicament. Narrator “The knights were summoned, and Uwayne said””I am here to champion the lady’s cause” However sir Edwarde and sir Hew were disdainful. Narrator “the next day the three knights fought, after they were all unhorsed sir Uwayne killed sir Edwarde, and sir Hewe agreed to give up the stolen estates, and yield to king Arthur, Sir Uwane spent six months recovering from his wounds.” Narroator “Sir Gawain and his lady had lodge with an elderly knight on the night of their first day.” Elderly knight “In the morning I promise there will be an amazing spectacle to see.” Narrator “The next morning Gawain and the lady witnessed a knight, sir Pelleas, who defeated ten others, he then dismounted, and the others took him prisoner.” Noble woman “Gawain, you must do something, or are you too afraid to try” Narrator “then a dwarf rode out of the forest, amd the noblewoman said” “I would surely rather journey with you, as Gawain is too afraid to rescque that knight in distress.” Narrator “Two knights then rode up, and challenged Gawain, Gawain then fought with one of them, sir Carados, but seemed any even match.” Sir carados “You are indeed a noble fighter, why don’t you lodge with me tonight.” Gawain “I will go gladly, but what do you know of a knight fighting ten others, then surrendering.” Carados “He is Sir Peseaus, who loves those knights commander, though she doesn’t return that love.” Narrator “The next day Sir Gawain and sir Caradoswent to find sir Pelleas “ Sir Pelleus “Gawain, you are a noble knight, can you help me win the haert of my lady, the lady Ettrade.” Gawain “I can try, I will unfreeze her heart, then she might fshe you and return your love.” Narrator “So Sir Gawain went to the Lady Ettrade, and pretended to have killed sir Pelleus, the lady then fell in love with Gawain. “Sir Pelleus came to the see Ettrade, but was distraught to see her with Gawain.” The lady Nyneve was ridding by sir Peleus’s pavilion, and decided to fix is poor state. She put Pelleus in a deep sleep, then put a spell of love on Ettrade, she brought Ettrade to Peleus, and woke him.” Pelleus “Vile woman, I never want to see you again.” Narrator “Sir Pelleus then rode away from the land, and Nyneve realized she was destined to love sir Pelleus. The lady Ettrade died of a broke heart. Sir Marhaus and his lady first came upon the castle of a duke.” Duke “You may stay thing night, but you may regret it in the morning, for I am a sworn enemy of king Arthur, and you must fight me and my sons.” Narrator “The next morning Marhaus met the duke and his six sons one the field of battle. they proved no match for him, and he unhorsed the duke and rushed on him.” Marhaus “Yield no or I will kill you.” Duke “I will yeild, and so will my sons, we will even swear allegiance to king Arthur, for you are truely a great knight. Narrator “SIr Marhaus continued to his journey, he won a tournament, the came upon an Eardom in chaos.”
Narrator “So the six parted ways.” “Sir Uwayne and his lady first came upon a tournament, which sir Uwayne won. The Lady then told sir Uwayne of two knights, sir Hewe and sir Edwarde who had extorted the lands of a lady, they then traveled to that castle.” Narrator “upon hearing the lady’s plight Uwayne said” Uwayne “As I knight of the round table I must help you out of this predicament. Narrator “The knights were summoned, and Uwayne said””I am here to champion the lady’s cause” However sir Edwarde and sir Hew were disdainful. Narrator “the next day the three knights fought, after they were all unhorsed sir Uwayne killed sir Edwarde, and sir Hewe agreed to give up the stolen estates, and yield to king Arthur, Sir Uwane spent six months recovering from his wounds.” Narroator “Sir Gawain and his lady had lodge with an elderly knight on the night of their first day.” Elderly knight “In the morning I promise there will be an amazing spectacle to see.” Narrator “The next morning Gawain and the lady witnessed a knight, sir Pelleas, who defeated ten others, he then dismounted, and the others took him prisoner.” Noble woman “Gawain, you must do something, or are you too afraid to try” Narrator “then a dwarf rode out of the forest, amd the noblewoman said” “I would surely rather journey with you, as Gawain is too afraid to rescque that knight in distress.” Narrator “Two knights then rode up, and challenged Gawain, Gawain then fought with one of them, sir Carados, but seemed any even match.” Sir carados “You are indeed a noble fighter, why don’t you lodge with me tonight.” Gawain “I will go gladly, but what do you know of a knight fighting ten others, then surrendering.” Carados “He is Sir Peseaus, who loves those knights commander, though she doesn’t return that love.”
Narrator “The next day Sir Gawain and sir Caradoswent to find sir Pelleas “ Sir Pelleus “Gawain, you are a noble knight, can you help me win the haert of my lady, the lady Ettrade.” Gawain “I can try, I will unfreeze her heart, then she might fshe you and return your love.” Narrator “So Sir Gawain went to the Lady Ettrade, and pretended to have killed sir Pelleus, the lady then fell in love with Gawain. “Sir Pelleus came to the see Ettrade, but was distraught to see her with Gawain.” The lady Nyneve was ridding by sir Peleus’s pavilion, and decided to fix is poor state. She put Pelleus in a deep sleep, then put a spell of love on Ettrade, she brought Ettrade to Peleus, and woke him.” Pelleus “Vile woman, I never want to see you again.” Narrator “Sir Pelleus then rode away from the land, and Nyneve realized she was destined to love sir Pelleus. The lady Ettrade died of a broke heart. Sir Marhaus and his lady first came upon the castle of a duke.” Duke “You may stay thing night, but you may regret it in the morning, for I am a sworn enemy of king Arthur, and you must fight me and my sons.” Narrator “The next morning Marhaus met the duke and his six sons one the field of battle. they proved no match for him, and he unhorsed the duke and rushed on him.” Marhaus “Yield no or I will kill you.” Duke “I will yeild, and so will my sons, we will even swear allegiance to king Arthur, for you are truely a great knight. Narrator “SIr Marhaus continued to his journey, he won a tournament, the came upon an Eardom in chaos.” Earl “I am besiged by a mighty giant, can you help me fight him.” Marhaus “Iwill, I shall fight him on foot, just as he fights.” Narrator “the gian t weilded a mighty club, from which Gawain took great injuries, however he was able to triumph. He spend six months as the Earl’s guest to recover. After the year was up, and all injuries had been healed the three Knights, and two ladies met at the well in the forest. King Arthur, having dearly missed his cousin had sent a messenger six months earlier, so the knights journed togather back to Camelot, where they were warmly welcomed by Arthur.”
Condensed by Katherine Bradley and Elizabeth Smith
Characters: Sir Galahad Sir Gawain Sir Percival Sir Bors Sir Melias Sir Ector Sir Lionel Sir Bagdemagus King Arthur Holy Man Holy VOICE maidens (misc.) Saracen King
PART ONE
ACT ONE, scene one. THE DEPARTURE: arthur, lancelot, maiden, galahad, gawain, percival,
Maiden: Launcelot, oh please come with me and knight a worthy young man.
Launcelot: My lady, I shall accompany you!
Narrator: Launcelot and the maiden ride through the forest, to the castle of King Pellas. He was greeted by his cousins, Sir Bors and SIr Lionel.
(enter Galahad)
Launcelot: (to himself, aside from the others) I have never seen a young man of such extraordinary physical beauty and dovelike modesty....
Galahad: Sir, I’ve grown up with nuns my whole life, and I wish to be knighted - and you’re the only one who can do it.
Launcelot: It would be my honor to do so.
Narrator: Galahad was then knighted, and Launcelot returned to Camelot, and Galahad eventually followed.
PLACE CHANGE, at Camelot.
Arthur: Look at the Siege Perilous, the glowing writing must be a sign that a worthy knight will fill it today.
(Knights around the table gasp)
Messenger: My King!!! I have a tale to tell you and the court. There is a sword in a floating stone, and only the best knight in the world may grasp it’s pommel. But if the man tries and fails, a grievious wound will be inflicted upon him later.
Arthur: Ah! the best knight in the world? It must be Launcelot!
Launcelot: No my lord. I am not worthy of this honor.
Arthur: Well then, it must be Gawain! Gawain, you must pull the sword from the floating rock.
Gawain: If my king wants me too...
Launcelot: There’s a curse on retched rock!
Gawain: Arghhhhhhh! I am cursed. But as you asked me to undertake the challenge, my lord, I accept it.
(ENTER GALAHAD)
Galahad: Hello my Liege, and fellow knights. I come to this court to ask for acceptance into the Round Table.
Arthur: You may, but first prove yourself as a worthy knight by sitting in this chair, and taking this sword out of the floating stone.
(Galahad does this. Court gasps)
knights: (to each other) Surely this great knight will be the one to win the holy grail! For no one has sat in the Siege Perilous!
Knights: Now that we have found the best knight in the land, we are ready to embark on the quest to find the Holy Grail!!
Arthur: If that is so, we must feast!!! we shall have a tournament, and Galahad shall further prove himself.
Narrator: And so, a great tournament was held at Camelot, in which Galahad jousted without a shield, and proved himself brilliantly. The Grail Quest was soon to begin.
Narrator: At the feast that night, the knights stood back in awe as they saw a vision of the Holy Grail shining in King Arthur’s court. They soon departed to begin their quest of the HOLY GRAIL.
Narrator: Sir Bagdemagus and Sir Galahad set out together and encountered an abbey, where said a great shield was kept awaiting the greatest knight in the world. Sir Bagdemagus first took the shield and rode out, yet too soon he returned with a mortal wound.
Sir Bagdemagus: (to Galahad) Sir I think this shield belongs to you alone.
Galahad: thank you my dear friend.
Narrator: Galahad then rode out with his squire, who asked to be knighted. Galahad grants his request, and the squire became Sir Melias. They ride on, until they came to a fork in the road. The left fork would lead to knightly prowess, and the right fork would lead to realization of personal virtue. Galahad chose the right path, and Melias went down the left one. Melias found a crown on the ground, and then picked a fight with two knights and became mortally injured, and so was forced to leave sir Galahad. Galahad continued on, and encountered Launcelot and Percival. He unhorsed them both, and left quickly, leaving Launcelot to ponder his meaning in life.
Launcelot: I have realized my sins from an enlightening dream, and I need to worship God more frequently, and be a better man.
SCENE THREE: Sir Launcelot Narrator: After Launcelot had helped cure himself of his sins, he had vivid dreams of himself as a sinful knight, and Galahad the most pure knight. He then rode on to a castle where a tournament was held, with black knights versus white.
Launcelot: I shall take with the black knights, for they are the weaker.
Narrator: The black knights failed though, and an old man came to Launcelot after.
Old Man: You are a sinner! You help the lesser side to give yourself more honor and look the better! You are now destined to fail in your quest of the Holy Grail.
SCENE FOUR: Sir Gawain
Gawain: Sir Ector! thank goodness I found you. I’ve been riding alone for so long with no words of the others!
Ector: Gawain! it is good to see you. It is getting late, shall we find shelter?
Narrator: Gawain and Ector found an abandoned abbey, and soon fell asleep.
Gawain: Ector, I had the strangest dream. I dreamt of three white bullls tied to a tree with thick rope. Ector: I had a strange dream too - I dreamt I rode with launcelot, and he fell off his horse onto a donkey. He was clothed in rags.
VOICE: SIR KNIGHTS - YOU ARE FULL OF SIN AND EVIL BELIEF.
Ector and Gawain: What was that - and look, a floating hand carrying a bridle! We should probably leave this place.
Narrator: Gawain and Ector embarked on their journey, and on the way, they accidentely killed a fellow round table knight, Sir Ywain. Gawain and Ector go on to find a hermitage. A holy man there told them that the reason Gawain had no adventures was because he was a murderer, and he should repent. ( Gawain stalks off and leaves.)
Narrator: Sir Bors on his quest encountered a lady who asked him to fight for her. He agreed and fought the man. He won easily, and continued on, when suddenly he saw a stirring sight.
Sir Bors: My God! There is Sir Lionel bound and about to be whipped with thorns, yet far over there, there is a poor women about to be raped! I’m sorry Lionel, but the lady calls!
narrator: Sir Bors prayed for Sir Lionel, and saved the lady from death or worse. A holy man came to him right after.
Holy man: You have chosen well Sir Bors, for Lionel was was a sinful knight, yet the lady was pure as a lily, so you made the right decision.
Narrator: Just then Sir Lionel appeared and charged Sir Bors!
Lionel: This is for not coming to my aid! AHHHHHHHH! (battle cry)
Narrator: suddenly Sir Bors was saved by the Holy man, who had jumped in front of Sir Bors to save his life.
Holy man: (in a dying voice) Go Sir Bors and complete your quest. I go to the good lord now.... ahhhhh (and dies)
SCENE 6: Galahad Narrator: Sir Galahad comes across a castle, where a battle is raging. He immediately helps the weaker side. Yet, he gave Sir Gawain, who was fighting on the opposite side, the worst wound of his life as Launcelot had predicted with the curse.
Galahad: I am sorry my sir, but I cannot stop here.
Narrator: He continues to another castle, where a lady meets him.
lady: follow me to the highest adventure any knight has ever seen.
Narrator: they find a splendidly adorned empty ship, the ship of faith.
Lady: only steadfast believers and the non- sinners are safe there. Are you brave and pure enough to test it?
Galahad: I am. I would be glad to die if I am found tainted.
Look here! there is a crown and a sword! I shall try my luck.
Narrator: Galahad proved the only worthy one to take the sword, and as he exited the ship a voice sounded from above.
Voice: GALAHAD. YOU WILL BE SEPARATED FROM THOSE YOU KNOW TILL YOU REACH THE HALL OF PELHAM, AND THE MAIMED KING.
Galahad: I will go at once then!
SCENE 7: The Castle of Corbenic (at sea is both Galahad and Launcelot)
Galahad: LAUNCELOT!! Over here! Men send up a flare! Oh the ship is turning round. (Launcelot’s ship returns and Galahad boards it)
Galahad: How good it is to see you Sir Launcelot. Shall we continue on together?
Launcelot: I would like nothing more
Narrator: Half a year passed, and when Launcelot’s ship had landed at a port one day, a white knight appeared with a horse for Galahad, saying that it was time to part company with Launcelot. Then a voice from above sounded.
Voice: UNTIL JUDGEMENT DAY GALAHAD AND LAUNCELOT SHALL NOT MEET AGAIN.
Narrator: separated, Launcelot continued onto the Castle Corbenic, where the grail was.
Launcelot: Oh my lord! I see it! I have found it!
Narrator: at that moment lightning flashed and struck Launcelot down.
Launcelot: AHHHHHHH
Narrator: He stayed in a coma for 24 days, each day for a year of his life that he had sinned. After he returned to Camelot defeated. It was now up to Galahad to complete the quest.
Galahad: Percival, Bors! At last I have found you! shall we all ride on to the Castle Corbenic together!
Bors/Percival: Yes! Let us commence our journey.
Narrator: Galahad, Percival, and Bors reached the Castle Corbenic. there, they saw many wondrous things, and Gawain healed the maimed King Pellas
Pellas: Thank you good knight, you are truly the best man I have ever met!
Galahad: No problem!
VOICE: KNIGHTS. RETURN TO YOUR SHIP AND YOU WILL WITNESS A MIRACLE.
Knights: Let’s go then!
Narrator: The three knights reached their ship, where they found the Holy Grail.
VOICE: GALAHAD, SINCE YOU HAVE PROVEN YOURSELF WORTHY, YOU MAY CHOOSE YOUR TIME OF DEATH.
Galahad: Thanks so much.
Narrator: After finding the Grail, the three knights began their journey back to Camelot. On their way, they were captured by a Saracen, and thrown into prison in the city of Saras. Yet they experienced no discomfort, as the Grail provided elaborate feasts.
Saracen King: Ack, I am sick. I must repent and recall the knights from prison and ask for their forgiveness.
(knights enter)
Galahad: We forgive you, may you rest in peace
King: aaaaaaah (dies)
VOICE: GALAHAD. BY THE POWER OF HEAVEN, YOU SHALL RULE SARAS.
Galahad: Thanks, but I’d rather join you in heaven. i think iIm ready to die.
VOICE: VERY WELL, YOU SHALL BE SEATED AT THE RIGHT HAND OF THE FATHER OF THE HOLY GHOST. YOU SHALL JOIN US NOW.
Galahad: Thank you (dies peacefully)
Percival: Bors, whatever shall we do?
Bors: I will return to King Arthur’s court.
Percival: very well, I will become a hermit.
(they part ways forever)
Narrator: And so, King Arthur’s Round table was thus diminished, and would never rise again to it’s previous glory.
Narator: King Melodayas, was once a knightly king. However, when his wife was with child, he was tricked by a sorceress, and held captive by her.
Wife: O dear! Were could my husband be!?! Nurse, come with me we must find him.
His wife ran into the woods, searching for him to no avail, however, the stress caused her to give birth to her son. The son was fine, but the stress caused King Melodayas wife to get a fever, and die, shortly after naming the child Tristam. The nurse took the child, and fled back to castle, fearing he might get the fever. King Melodayus was heart broken. But he soon remaried the daugther of the King Howell of Britany, and had sons with her. The queen was jealous however of Tristam, and wanted him dead so that her own son would become king.
Queen: Oh, that brat! Preventing my children from getting their inheritence! Well, we can fix that!
Narator: The queen mixed water and poison, and put them in a silver cup in the nursery, knowing Tristam would drink. However instead, her own son drank it.
Queens son: Look at the glass of water... And I am sooooo thirsty.. GLUG! AH MY THROAT IT BURNS!
Queen: (horrified) My son is dead! (Angry) Tristam, this is all your fault! YOU WILL PAY!
The queen set out a second glass with poison in it. Yet again, things failed to go according to plan.
King Melodayas: Ah, a long day of hunting in the forest. And I’m so thirsty..... Say look at this cup of water. Well, I’ll refill it after I get a drink.
The queen walking by, was horrified, and leapt forward, smashing the cup out of his hands.
King Melodayas: What was that for?
Narator: Suddenly, the king grew suspicious.
King Melodayas: WHAT WAS IN THE GOBLET? TELL ME WRENCH!
Queen: P-p-poison...
King Melodayas: (angrily) You poisoned our son? Well, you burn IN FLAMES!
Tristam: Please don’t burn my step mother. Christ says we should forgive others.
King: Well, since you asked so nicely.
Narator: Tristam however, was soon sent to France, where he learned all the arts of being a gentlemen, such as how to play the harp, write music, hunt, and the art of warfare. IE, nothing remotely practical unless you a knight, king, or nobleman.
Tristam: I’m back from France!
Narator: However, some very interesting and long winded things had been happening while he was gone, involving the highly complex socioeconomic relations between Ireland and Cornwall, stemming from wars and other such atrocity’s However, said events can be summarize as such. King Mark owned King Angwhyshance money, and did not want to pay. He had challenged the king of ireland to a duel between champions, winner take all. King Angwhyshance had gotten Sir Mathus, the second greatest knight of the round table, to fight for him. This could not remotely good for King Mark. Tristam soon learned of this.
Tristam: Hmmm.... looks like King Mark has a problem.
King Melodayus: Yes. Such a pity no one will fight Sir Marthus.
Narator: It was true that no one had come forward to fight Sir Marthus, for a reason similer to why you don’t challange a Cheetah to a race.
Tristam:If I was a knight, I could challenge him.
Melodayus: Yes you could.
Tristam: (Coughs) (Slow, blatant) If I was a KNIGHT, I could challenge him.
Melodayus: Are you saying you want to be a knight:
Tristam: YES. I am.
Melodayus: Well, if you can find someone to knight you, I wish you luck! Try not to get killed, okay?
Tristam: Yes!
Tristam then ran to King Mark, and persuaded Mark to knight him. Then he got his gear. Unfortunately, their was a tiny crack on his sword.
Tristam: Thats everything! I’m ready!
King Mark: You sure that tiny little crack is okay, and not a massive piece of foreshadowing that will end up coming back to tear you away from the women you love the most?
Narator: Tristam however, was wearing heavy metal helmet, and did not hear him.
Tristam: I will fight for the glory of Cornwall, and to free it from the tyrannical rule of the evil Ireland.
Sir Marthus: I will fight for Cornell, and for the money that King Mark owes.
Narator: They fought and fought, but finally, Tristam smashed Sir Marthus so hard with his sword, that the cracked part snapped off the sword, and embedded itself into Sir Marthus skull. Sir Marthus fled, and later died. His wife took the part of the sword embedded in his brain out, and vowed revenge.
King Mark: Sir Tristam! You've done it! You beat him! He's running away..... Um.... You don't look much better.
Narator: Sir Marthus was however a coward, and he had a poisoned spear, of which he had wounded Tristam with. However, Tristam did not die, but he did not get better much faster. Eventually, however, a women physician arrived, and announced that the poison could only be cured in the land where the poison had come from. So Tristam and his tutor Governyle, set off at once for Ireland, home of the Geat- wrong story. Anyway…. They finally arrived.
Governayle: How will you get the antidote sir?
Tristam: Don't worry. I have a brilliant plan. I will play songs that these Irish have never heard on my harp, until there king is so impressed, that he invites me to his palace, and gives me the antidote.
Governayle: Brilliant! But… you better not give him your real name!
Tristam: Thats no problem at all! I have carefully chosen a new name, so clever yet intricately connected to my real name that no one could ever possibly realize my real name!
Governayle: What is this system?
Tristam: I will use my name. Spelled… BACKWARDS!
Goverayle: Brilliant Sir!
Narator: This being a classical story and all, Tristam's plan went exactly as he though, but with one tiny unexpected detail. The doctor who was assigned to cure his wound, was in fact, the kings daughter, Iseult the Fair, who was very beautiful, even if her face never launched 1000 ships. So she helped Tristam, who taught her how to play the harp, and Lo and Behold, the two fell deeply in love. However, Sir Palomides loved her as well, and persuaded her father to hold a tournament, the winner would get Iseult.
Sir Palomides: Well, lets see. I beat Gawain, Dodynas, Kay, Gryfllet, Agravanyne, the King of Scotland, and the King of 100 Knights... Wait... does that mean what I think it does? YES! I WI-
Narator: At that exact moment however, a knight on a white horse, in shining armor, charged onto the field to challenge Sir Palomides, and beat him so badly, that he fled in shame and left the field. This was of course, Sir Tristim, who won the tornament, and forced Sir Palomides to stop courting Iseult the fair, and to give up his weapons for a day and year.
INTRODUCTION Godfather: It is time for you to find a wife, Art. Have you seen a girl you like?
Art: There is. Gwen, the daughter of Lodacini. She’s bangin’!
Godfather: She most certainly is, but you could do better. She is destined to get with Lance, but if you really want to marry her, I can tell Lodacini for you.
Narrator: Godfather travels to Lodacini’s castle and tells of Art’s wishes.
Godfather: My boy Art wishes to marry your daughter, Gwen.
Lodacini: What do you offer?
Godfather: I have with me three pounds of fine white powder.
Lodacini: Good. I accept.
Narrator: Art and Gwen are wedded and Lodacini gives Art a massive round table as a gift. Godfather then travels the streets looking for suitable mobsters to fill the seats of the table, and finds twenty-eight. After seating all of the mobsters, three places are left blank.
(Later, in Art’s basement)
Vagabond: I have an elephantine request to make. Will you make my son Torelli a mobster?
Art: That most certainly is a large request. Whose wish was it that your son should become a gangster?
Vagabond: I have thirteen sons, and all of them beg with me but Torelli, who refused to. He always practiced with his pistol and shotgun and ran off to watch illegal fight tournaments. He has wanted this his whole life.
Art: I would like to see his brothers first.
Narrator: Torelli’s brothers are sent for, and Art notices that all look like their father but Torelli – he is large, has fine features, and has a fearless expression.
Art: Torelli, do you have a pistol?
Torelli: I do, sire.
Art: Give it to me, kneel down, and request to become a part of this brotherhood.
(Art inducts Torelli, Godfather appears)
Art: Godfather, have I done the right thing?
Godfather: You have, because Torelli is actually Pellinini’s son.
Art: How? This Vagabond claims to be his father. Prove it to me.
Godfather: Send for his mother.
Narrator: Torelli’s mother is sent for and comes in. Godfather asks her about Torelli.
Mother: Before I was married, I went down to the laundromat. A stern mobster came up to me and made love to me, and Torelli was conceived. The mobster took my laundry detergent and told me it would remind him of Torelli.
Vagabond: I wish this was not so, but it explains why Torelli is so different from me and my other sons.
Godfather: Torelli, your real father was an important mob leader. You shall be honored and win fame as a mobster of the Round Table.
WEDDING Narrator: The day of the wedding for Art and Gwen arrives. Gwen is crowned queen by the Archbishop of Canterbury. After the wedding, Art and Gwen return to the Round Table for the reception.
Art: Godfather, why does that chair say “B.A.M.F.” on it?
Godfather: That is the seat reserved for the greatest mobster in the city. Anyone else who sits in the seat will be destroyed.
Narrator: Suddenly, a white Ford Mustang crashes into the hall followed by a truck full of white powder. In an effort to escape, the Mustang runs over a mobster. Angrily, the mobster seizes the driver of the truck and drives out of the hall with the powder.
Escort: Art, sire, please pursue the mobster with all the powder! I need it to function everyday!
Narrator: Just as she finished her plea to Art, a fully armed, obese mobster enters the hall and seizes her by the waist. Then the mobster runs out again and gets into his lowrider, taking the woman with her.
Godfather: Art, you may not ignore the events that just took place.
Art: Fine. Wayne, find the white hart. Torelli, get back the powder and capture or kill the mobster that took it. Pellinini, save the escort from her captor.
Narrator: Wayne was the first to leave. He drove through the hood until he came to a back street and was challenged by another mobster.
Alardyne: You may not chase the white hart without dualing me, Alardyne of the Outer Isles, first!
Narrator: Alardyne takes his lowrider across the river and street races with Wayne. Wayne beats Alardyne handily.
Wayne: I have defeated you. Surrender now!
Alardyne: No, not until we have had a showdown!
Narrator: In one stroke, Wayne pulls his pistol and shoots through Alardyne’s helmet and skull. He then drives off on his quest again. He follows the hart to a castle where his greyhounds make the kill in the hall. When Sir Wayne arrives at the entrance of the hall, a mobster comes out and kills two of his greyhounds.
Wayne: My greyhounds! Fight me now, so I can avenge their deaths.
Blamoure: I accept your challenge.
Narrator: The two fought hard until Sir Wayne shoots the mobster in the chest.
Blamoure: Please, I beg you to be merciful!
Wayne: You killed my greyhounds. You will die.
Narrator: Sir Wayne drags the mobster away and is about to cut off his head when the mobster’s escort jumps in front of him. Sir Wayne had already fired his pistol and kills the escort instead.
Wayne: I spare your life for I have killed your escort.
Blamoure: Your mercy means nothing to me for you have killed my love.
Wayne: It was you I was trying to shoot. Go now, to Art and submit to him as a prisoner of the quest for the white hart. What is your name?
Blamoure: Blamoure of Marysville.
Narrator: Sir Blamoure then straps the two greyhounds he killed to his horse and drives off to Camelot. That night, while Sir Wayne relaxes, four mobsters rushed into the hall and attacked him. Sir Wayne was no match for the mobsters, and they made him a prisoner for the night. In the morning, the mobsters release him on the condition that he should bring the corpse of the escort all the way to Camelot and tell Art all that occurred. Sir Wayne brought the white hart’s head as proof that he had completed the quest.
Narrator: Meanwhile, Torelli set off to quest for the powder. Not long after he departed, he encountered a dwarf who struck Torelli’s car with a cane.
Torelli: Why did you do that?
Dwarf: You must dual my masters before you may pass.
Torelli: I have no time for this foolishness. Out of my way!
Narrator: The dwarf honks his horn and two mobsters appear. Sir Torelli shoots both and disables them.
Torelli: What are your names?
Mobster One: Phylo of Langtown.
Mobster Two: Petipace of Winchville.
Torelli: Go to Art and tell him you are my prisoners. I must continue my quest.
Dwarf: Before you leave, will you please grant me a wish, kind mobster?
Torelli: Ask and you shall receive.
Dwarf: Will you be my master instead of those two rascals? I know where the powder is and I can lead you to it if you accept.
Torelli: I accept. Lead me to the powder.
Narrator: Sir Torelli and the dwarf drive through the hood and come upon two empty lots. One has a red flag in front, one a white. Torelli dismounts and walks toward the empty lot with the white flag. He sees three escorts asleep on the ground, then looks toward the other empty lot and sees one escort asleep, beside her the white powder. Torelli grabs the powder and runs out of the lot.
Escort: Why are you taking my powder?
Torelli: My mob leader has requested me to take it back to him.
Escort: You be careful. I will be avenged!
Torelli: I am prepared for whatever you will do to me, for I am under the grace of God.
Narrator: Torelli and the Dwarf drive away, and encounter a Hermit. They stay with the Hermit for the night, then leave in the morning. After riding for a little while, they encounter a a fine mobster.
Mobster: Give me my powder back!
Torelli: Who are you?
Mobster: My name is Abel. Now where is my powder?
Torelli: I will never give it to you.
Narrator: The two fight. Torelli eventually wrestles Abel to the ground and pulls a knife on him.
Torelli: Surrender!
Abel: While I am still alive and while you still have my powder, I will never surrender!
Narrator: Suddenly, an escort walks in.
Escort: Grant me a wish in the name of Art!
Torelli: Name it and I’ll think about it.
Escort: Kill this wretched man! He killed my brother, he needs to die! If you don’t do it, I will make sure to bring shame to your name.
Abel: I beg for mercy!
Narrator: Abel started crawling away, but Torelli saw him and shot him dead.
Escort: Thank you. Will you stay with me for the night?
Torelli: I’d love to. Thank you for the hospitality.
Narrator: Torelli stays with the Escort for the night then returns to Camelot three days later. Meanwhile, Pellinini is out on his quest to bring the escort back.
Narrator: Pellinini drives through the streets looking for the escort, and comes upon another young lady with a wounded mobster in her arms.
Lady: Help me!
Pellinini: I am too busy. I must go.
Lady: Curse you!
Narrator: A few hours later, the mobster dies in the lady’s arms and the lady shoots herself in grief. Pellinini continues on, and comes upon a storekeeper. He asks if he has seen the mobster with the lady, and finds that he was involved in a dual a few blocks down. Pellinini finds the missing escort and asks her to come back with him, but a mobster interferes.
Mobster: If you want this lady, you will need to fight the other two mobsters fighting over her!
Pellinini: Alright. (to the fighting mobsters) You two! Why are you fighting?
Melini: I am fighting for her because she is my cousin and she has been taken by force!
Outelake: I won her by force, she is mine!
Pellinini: You are a dirty liar. I saw you take her; no one challenged you. Art, my mob ruler, sent me to take her. I challenge you both!
Outelake: I accept!
Narrator: Outelake throws a grenade at Pellinini’s car and blows it up.
Outelake: Now you have no escape route. We can have a fair fight now!
Pellinini: That was my favorite car! You will pay!
Narrator: Pellinini pulls out his pistol and shoots Outelake in the head.
Melini (to Pellinini): Please, don’t kill me! You can have my cousin, but please don’t dishonor her!
Pellinini: I wouldn’t dream of dishonoring her.
Melini: I will give you my car and you can stay at my house tonight.
Pellinini: Thank you. You are very kind.
Narrator: After staying the night, Pellinini departs with the escort. They drive until it is dark out.
Escort: Pellinini, we will never find our way back in this light!
Pellinini: I suppose you are right. Let’s rest at this motel.
Narrator: Suddenly, two men appear.
(Talking amongst eachother)
Man 1: Do you have my sniper? I have been spying on Art, and I am ready to assassinate him.
Man 2: I do. I must warn you, though: beware of the Godfather. He always seems to figure out what is going on.
Man 1: I do not fear him at all. I will complete my task.
Narrator: Pellinini and the escort stay the night, and depart again in the morning. They come upon the dead lady and mobster.
Pellinini: If only I had saved them.
Escort: Why do you say that now?
Pellinini: She was so young. I could have done it, but I wanted to save you more.
Escort: Have them buried. It will clear your conscience.
Narrator: They bury the bodies and go back to Art. After telling his story, Art’s wife asks Pellinini why he did not save the lady.
Pellinini: I regret it. I should have.
Godfather: That lady was your daughter, and the mobster was her husband. They were on their way to serve Art. You are now destined to be deserted by the man you trust most right before your death.
Narrator: The two valiant knights, one a king and the other his squire, clashed in battle. Upon contact, Kosey’s sword cracked and shattered in his hand. Echidna’s plan appeared to be coming to fruition. Excalibur had defeated its own owner on the field of battle. It seemed that Kosey was now doomed to lose and Echidna would get her way. However, in a matter of minutes, Kosey recovered, and just before he was going to slay Gahiji, circumstantially, he requested to see the face of the man he was to kill.
Kosey: Alright, foe, you are now going to meet your destiny. Cans’t I have a look at your battle-worn face before you do.
Narrator: Obliging, and because Kosey would have done it for him anyway, Gahiji peeled back his helm, revealing his face to the king.
Gahiji: Kosey! My liege -- I hadn’t a clue that it was you I was fighting.
Kosey: It is a shame that this had to happen. We must have been tricked, Gahiji. The sword which you grasp is in fact Excalibur. It is the reason why I dealt with such difficulties in fighting you.
Gahiji: We must find whoever is responsible for this trickery! A dwarf told me to come find you. He must have been in on the scheme. I think he scurried into the adobe hut over yonder.
Narrator: The two collected themselves and proceeded to rush to the small village from whence they came. There, they discovered the pair in the hut Gahiji had pointed out.
Kosey: (authoritatively) Who are you, witch? And why have you done this injustice to us? I will have you know that your plan, whatever it was, has failed. And now you must explain your actions or be slain.
Echidna: It would not be a good decision to slay me, for I am but a maiden.
Kosey: Justice will be served, regardless of gender or any other criterion; and how did you learn my name?
Echidna: I know your name, sire, because you are my brother. Now, would you actually consider killing your own sister?
Narrator: Arthur stood stock-still. What had she said?!
THE DOLOROUS DEATHS AND DEPARTING OUY OF THIS WORL OF SIR LAUNCELOT AND QUEEN GWYNEVERE Part 1
Narrator: 2 million years in the future, where all life takes place on a giant floating hotel 400,000 miles above the earth's atmosphere, a depressed Queen Gwynevere most commonly known as Gwinny, cut her losses and joined a nail salon.
(Morosely...) After the sad death of Gwinny's husband Art, Gwinny decided that because she had been a traitor to her marriage she must rest in the most kindly of places, and pray for forgiveness. Of course her first thoughts were a nail salon. (Hopefully...) Where else were people so friendly and willing to help? Where else was the hustle and bustle too much to hear your own thoughts when one didn't want to, yet after hours could spend as much time as one pleased begging forgiveness?
Gwinny: I will take FIVE of my finest ladies to join the salon with me as they are looking for only the best for new hire!
Narrator: Down five floors, Lance the once greatest knights in the world, sat drinking with his cousin Bors at the very popular bar Benwick when a letter arrived. Upon opening the letter Arthur learns some terrible news...
Lance: (Grievously..) Oh jeeze Bors a letter from Gawain asking me to help Art on his space war! Gawain is dead and would like me to pray on his tomb! This is all my fault!! I must help Art! His bastard son Mod of the West is leading one hundred thousand ships against him! I should kill the little rat, for Art and because too he tried to make Gwynevere my beloved his wife!
Bors: (slightly drunk) yes.. YES, YES! We must run the three floors up to level Britain and Get Mod of the West! Get him!
Lance: My seven King friends! To me you drunk fools, TO ME!
Narrator: That very day Lance, Bors, the seven King friends, and a whole army of men ran the three floors to level Britain, only to find Art and Mod of the West dead, as well as both their armies destroyed along the corridor. Three Giant battles on foot it took Art and Mod to kill each other and all their men. Lance also heard, word of mouth, the Lady Gwinny had joined a nail salon but one floor higher.
Lance: (devastated) I knew I was too late! How awful it is that I could have caused the death of one such as noble as Gawain (to a random servant) Take me to his to tomb! I must pray.
Narrator: Lance stayed by Gawain's tomb one room away for three days, and on the third day he summoned his friends and told them he would now find Gwinny because she has suffered greatly.
Lance: I beg you, stay in this room for fifteen days, order whatever you like, go to a bar if it pleases you, and if I am not back within those fifteen days, get back on your spaceships and fly home. My journey will be long over by then if that be the case.
Bors: (worriedly) But Lance, don’t you think it is far too dangerous for you to travel across space on your own? Maybe we should come along with you.
Lance: Thanks Bors, but this is something I have to do on my own.
Narrator: So, leaving Bors and the rest of his company behind, Lance makes the trek up to the nail salon where Gwinny is working. Unfortunately for him, he has found her at a bad time. Art’s death has taken a toll on her and she has been a little heavy on the drink...
Gwinny: (seeing Lance at the door) Lance...(passes out)
Narrator: Gwinny’s friends revive her but she tries to stand up too quickly making her faint again. However, her good friends revive her, but this time she bangs her head on the corner of a table and knocks herself out. Annoyed, Gwinny’s friends tell Lance to come over to them instead of making her try to go the distance. This time she wakes up to Lance hovering over her and an awful bump on her head.
Gwinny: (growling) LANCE!!! Because of you, and the stupid things that went on between us, my husband and many of his comrades are now dead. From now on I never want to see your face again! Go back to your friends and leave me in peace!
Part 2 Lance: (desperately) It pains me that you feel that way. And so you know that I do care, I will forever give up the world of fighting. To prove my loyalty let us kiss and then I will depart for good.
Gwinny: NO! No more kissing! We both know the disasters that come from that!
Narrator: And so, on this sorry note, Lance takes his leave of Gwinny, followed by her friends to make sure he didn’t skulk around. But as soon as he got out of the door he fainted from the sadness of the whole situation.
Gwinny’s Friend: (exasperated) Goodness! How many unconscious people do we have to deal with in one day?!
Narrator: Once Lance wakes up, he leaves the floor and aimlessly rides the hovercraft up and down with no real direction. Eventually getting kicked out by the annoyed driver of the craft. He comes out onto a floor where he sees Arthur’s tomb and one of his good friends Bedivere praying with the Archbishop beside him.
Lance: I am at a loss for what to do. I cannot fight again, for I don’t have the heart to anymore and I promised Gwinny I never would again.
Narrator: Lucky for Lance, it turns out that the Archbishop had just lost a shampoo boy from the small hair care company he ran as a part time job to make his financial ends meet.
Archbishop: I have an idea, why don’t you work for me, my shampoo boys don’t run into any of the fighting that is going on, it will be perfect for you.
Lance: Sounds idyllic! I’ll start right away.
Narrator: And so a new chapter of Lance’s life begins. Meanwhile Bor’s and the rest of Lance’s company was getting anxious not knowing what was happening to Lance. Despite the fact that they said they would go back to the war if he didn’t return, they decided to split up and look for him instead. Within six months, seven of Lance’s most loyal friends found him at his new job, and seeing how much of a changed man he was, decided to join him as fellow shampoo boys. Six years passed, and they were hardly recognizable from their old selves. Their once muscular appearances faded and they smelled considerably better than ever before. One morning Lance wakes up and tells his friends of a vision he had..
Lance: (disturbed) I just had the most terrible vision! It was that Gwinny is dying and we will get to her too late to ever see her alive again.
Archbishop: Then you should leave now and see if you can beat this vision. Go! Make haste!
(Lance speaking to his friends as they search for Gwinny)
Lance: Alas! In the years we have spent as shampoo boys I’ve forgotten what floor she is on.
Narrator: Gwinny hears that Lance and his friends are searching for her and she prays that she won’t see Lance’s face again before she died. Her final wish is granted, for she passes away soon after.
(Lance has finally found Gwinny’s floor)
Lance: (bursting through the door) Gwinny! Where is Gwinny? I have to see her.
Gwinny: (blubbering) You..you...you’re too late (sob). She died just a half hour ago (wahhhh)
Narrator: Lance returned to the Archbishop and became thoroughly depressed. He quit his post as head shampoo boy and stayed in bed eating nothing, and barely sleeping. One night there is the rare occasion that everyone in the company is asleep at once. But of course, it didn’t stay that way for very long. The Archbishop snorted himself and everyone else awake but Lance because he was laughing hysterically at a dream.
Bors: Boss, what is so great that you had to go and wake us up with your laughing for?
Part 3 Archbishop: I just had a dream that Lance was carried up to the Lord by his little hover angels and that he passed on happily to the afterlife.
Bors: (alarmed) But then we should go check on him and see if he is really gone!
Archbishop: Yes, I suppose we should...
Narrator: The men found Lance lying dead in his bed, but with a smile on his face as if he was finally at peace with his life. They wept and were sad, and organized his funeral so that he would be buried in the place he always had wanted, Joyous Gard. However, his body was left in an open casket for 15 days, so that all who knew him could come and pay their respects. One day a man named Ector passed by Joyous Gard and went in to see what all the commotion was about. Bors recognizes Ector as Lance’s brother.
Bors: Have you come to pay your last respects to your brother?
Ector: (confused) What? That is not my brother that lies in the tomb! (looking closer) Or is it? I can now see Lance’s features on this man’s face. Such an awful end to these six years that I have been searching for him!
Bors: Yes this is Lance, your brother who died of a broken heart.
Ector: Oh my dear brother...(faints)
Narrator: Lance is buried and the mourners leave Joyous Gard. Lance’s fellow shampoo boys lived the rest of their days in the same profession. The remaining fighters of Arthur’s legacy went to end Lance’s unfinished task in the space wars, and all died together on Good Friday. And so, here ends the era of Arthur and his Space Soldiers of the Circular Shuttle.
Lancelot and Elaine Adaption Act one: Scene one The Dude Ranch
Stage Note: Lights open slowly to reveal a wood porch in a hazy morning in Arizona. An older couple sits in two rocking chairs, the woman knits and the man smokes a pipe while polishing a gun.
Lanny: (friendly yell) Hey there! Is that you Uncle Chase? Wow I can hardly recognize you. (Puts down luggage)
Chase: I should say the same for you ma boy! Good to see ya! (Hug and pat on the back)
Jess: Well, hello there Lanny. Did ya have a nice flight?
Lanny: Eh, it was all right, you know how flying is these days, I always feel like I should tip the security guys. (All chuckle).
Chase: Can we getch’a somthin’ to eat or drink ma boy?
Lanny: No, thanks, I’m all set. I’d just like to take a nice nap and freshen up.
Jess: Well sure sure, our girl Ellen can show ya to your room. (Shouts) ELLEN!
Stage Note: Ellen enters stage left.
Ellen: Yes, yes, what is it? (Sees Lanny) Oh, well hello there, are you Lanny?
Lanny: Yes, I am.
Ellen: Ellen (extends hand, two shake and stare into each others eyes)
Chase: Lanny’ll be stayin’ in the west room.
Ellen: Great, follow me.
Stage Note: Lanny and Ellen exit stage left, lights dim.
Act One: Scene Two The Kitchen
Stage Note: Lights bright, a western-style kitchen, herbs hanging from ceiling beams, big old-fashioned stove, Jess and Ellen cooking. Lanny enters stage right.
Lanny: Smells great in here, what’s it all for?
Stage Note: Betty enters stage right, sweeping past Lanny carrying a pot of food.
Betty: (excitedly) It’s for the round up!
Ellen: This is Betty; she works here too, like me. (Turns to Betty) That’s Lanny, Jess and Chases nephew.
Betty: Hello there, glad to have you.
Lanny: So what’s a “round up” ?
Ellen: It’s a big ranch party, there’s lots of food, drinking, dancing, riding (looks at Lanny suggestively).
Betty: Were expecting about 200
Jess: (holding out a spoon) Lanny com’ere and try this for me will ya? I need a second opinion.
Stage Note: Lanny moves stage left to Aunt Jess. Ellen motions to Betty to the corner of the room, Lights dim and spotlight on Ellen and Betty.
Betty: Psssh, they’re not married are they? He’s down here and she’s all the way up there…you never know.
Ellen: Will you help me?
Betty: Of course, and tonight’s the perfect nights, with the party and everything. I’ll get him plastered, that won’t be hard and then…anything can happen. (Two smile and giggle)
Stage Note: Spotlight moves off girls and lights become bright again, focus is moved to Lanny and Jess and the girls leave their huddle.
Lanny: Mmmm that’s delicious Aunt Jess; you always were a great cook. Well looks like you girls have a lot of preparation to finish before tonight, I don’t want to be a distraction.
Ellen: We don’t mind (Betty and Ellen giggle).
Lanny: See you tonight. (Points and winks at Ellen as he exits stage right).
Stage Note: Lights come up on a festive party; outside with a fence and sunset in the background, there are lantern lights, lots of people, and tables with food and drink. Music plays loudly at first and then fades to the background once people start talking. Betty and Ellen are talking stage left.
Ellen: How’s it going?
Betty: Swimmingly, I’ve got him playing drinking games with Dan, Alec, Josh, and Randy. Every time Steve falls off the bull they do a shot.
Stage Note: Lights move from girls to stage right where a group of rowdy men are sitting on crates crowded around a barrels and a bottle labeled “moonshine”.
Dan: All right fellas’, that’s another one. (All take do a shot, and slam glasses down on the barrels).
Stage Note: Lanny stands up drunkenly, stumbling backwards, catching himself on a fence. Slurred speech.
Lanny: I think that’s all for me t’night guys, (other men groan).
Josh: Naaaaaa, c’ome Lan-lan we’s just getting’ started, (hic-up).
Dan: Yeah, ya can’t leave yet, it wern’t no proper round-up ‘less everyone’s sick as a fat ‘ol wild hog all jupped up on stable-sludge and cow-crap.
Lanny: Even so, I think I’ll be off.
Stage Note: Lanny stumbles across stage and exits stage left. Betty runs up to Ellen.
Betty: He just left, I think he’s goin’ off to bed, now’s your chance.
Ellen: (Smiling mischievously), wish me luck.
Act One: Scene Four The Bedroom
Stage Note: The stage is divided into two parts, on the right a hallway and door, on the left a bedroom set. The Lights are dim and there are fake lights light in the hallway. The door in closed and Ellen is waiting in the bedroom with the lights on milling about, getting “ready”. Lanny stumbles from stage right into the hall and rests against the door. He jiggles the handle but can’t get open it and starts shouting.
Lanny: Come on, let me in. (kicks the door), stupid door. (Jiggles the handle again)
Stage Note: Ellen opens the door from stage left and Lanny falls in.
Lanny: Oh hey there, how’s it goin’? (Hic-up)
Ellen: Are you OK?
Lanny: Oh yeah, sure. Had a couple drinks with the guys, great party by the way. You should be like a pro party planner person instead of working at this dumb place. (Tries to stand up but promptly falls down again.)
Ellen: I think you need to lye down. (Helps Lanny up by the shoulders and walks him to the bed). Here this is good.
Lanny: Come here.
Stage Notes: Lanny lies down on bed, pulling Ellen with him. Lanny starts to kiss Ellen.
Stage Note: Lights are bright, it’s a modern day apartment, door closes stage right, Pete enters flushed, holding a cell phone.
Pete: So what’s the problem?
Lanny: Girls.
Pete: Aren’t they always.
Lanny: OK you know that girl I told you about, the one from my Uncle’s ranch over the summer?
Pete: Ellen? Yeah she was hot…
Lanny: Right. Well now she’s coming here.
Pete: Where? Like here here?(Points are floor), why?
Lanny: Because, she’s visiting a friend in L.A. and is staying here.
Pete: She’s staying here? Man, how did you let this happen?
Lanny: I don’t know!
Pete: Well does Ginny know?
Lanny: No, that’s the problem.
Pete: That’s not your only problem.
Stage Note: Knocks at the door, two men turn. Lanny opens the door stage right. Ginny enters.
Lanny: Hi babe, (couple kiss).
Ginny: Hi, Hi Pete. What are you boys up to?
Pete: Nothing, I was just leaving. See you later Lan, I hope. (Exists stage right)
Lanny: Come here babe, I have to tell you something. (Walks over with Ginny and sits her down on the couch. Knock on door. Lanny looks form door to Ginny and then back to the door. Goes over and opens it.)
Ellen:(excitedly) Hiiiii! (Hugs Lanny).
Lanny: (excitedly) hey there, come in.
Stage Notes: Door closes, Ginny stands up to greet Ellen.
Lanny: (pauses apprehensively) well anyways, she’ll be staying here for a few days. (Ginny eyes both Ellen and Lanny).
Ginny: Oh, will she?
Ellen: Nice to meet you, Lanny’s told me so much about you. (Extends hand, the two shake slowly)
Lanny: (addressing Ellen) I thought we’d all go to dinner with my friend Peter tonight.
Ellen: Sounds great.
Lanny: Well your room is right through there, (points to stage left) help yourself to anything in the fridge.
Stage Notes: Ellen nods and smiles and exits stage left. Ginny walks over to Lanny giving him a stern look.
Lanny: I was just about to tell you.
Ginny: You know I’m not happy about this.
Lanny: Jealous are we?
Ginny: Of course! (Yelling) I don’t know anything about this girl, I’ve never even heard of her before she could be your long lost beloved ex-girlfriend for all I know.
Lanny: Well she’s not, I just met her this summer and she’ll only be here for a couple of days.
Ginny: And dinner?
Lanny: Pete will be there we can take her to Arthur’s Artichokes Pizza Palace
Act Two: Scene Two Arthur’s Artichokes Pizza Palace
Stage Note: Dim lights, dinner atmosphere, table for four, looking at menus. Dinner sounds in the background, other tables, costumers and waiters milling about. Spot light focuses and Pete, Lanny, Ginny, and Ellen.
Waiter: So what is everyone getting?
Ginny: I think I’ll get Hawaiian. What about you Hun?
Lanny: I always go with meat-lovers. Ellen, anything look good?
Ellen: It all looks good! But I think I’ll go with the spicy sauce one.
Pete: I’ll just have cheese. (Hands waiter menus, waiter exists stage right).
Ellen: Please excuse me I have to wash my hands. Where are the restrooms?
Lanny: I can show you, not a bad idea to freshen up myself.
Stage Note: Lanny and Ellen move stage left. The lights move off the table and go to Ellen and Lanny. They are stationed Stage left in a small alcove.
Lanny: I hope your having a good time; tomorrow we can do something more fun I promise.
Ellen: Don’t worry, I’m having plenty of fun right here.(Pushes Lanny against wall and plants one on him).
Lanny: (Enraged) what are you doing? I’m engaged!
Ellen: That didn’t stop you before. (Kisses him again).
Lanny: I was drunk, and that was a one-time thing. It can never happen again and Ginny can never know.
Ellen: She wont, (kisses him again, Ginny come in from stage right).
Ginny: (Enraged) what in the name of Jesu is going on here!? (Lanny pushes Ellen off him and turns to Ginny)
Lanny: Mmm, nothing, absolutely nothing, this is not what you think it is!
Ginny: (Still enraged) forget, I knew this would happen the moment you brought that tramp into your house! (Points to Ellen).
Lanny: It was nothing, I was drunk, extremely drunk, I didn’t know what I was doing.
Ellen: Yeah, but you liked it.
Ginny: That’s it- I can’t stand to look at you anymore Lanny!(Storms off stage left, sits back down at table and weeps.)
Stage Note: Infuriated, Lanny strides across stage, grabs jacket off the table and exits quickly stage left.
Act Two: Scene Three Back at Lanny’s House
Stage Note: Dark lights, Lanny sits alone on his couch twirling his cell phone in his hands. The door opens stage right and Pete enters.
Pete: There you are man; we’ve all been looking for you all night. I called you like 20 times why didn’t you pick up? We were so worried you gone a jumped in front of a bus or something. (Sits next to Lanny on couch. Lights get a little brighter). Look I know you really loved Ginny, but you guys will work this out and get back together. Other guys do stupid stuff all the time; don’t think that you have to be this perfect God or anything that’s better than everyone else we all screw up.
Lanny: I’m just so embarrassed; I don’t think I can face either of them ever again.
Pete: Oh, of course you will. And even if you don’t I’ll never get that pissed you. (Excitedly) you’re my man!
I really enjoyed reading your readers theater--it was very entertaining and readable. I liked the modern language, and you had very good descriptions and stage notes (although reader's theater does not require stage notes). For example, I liked your description of the wood porch at the house in Arizona. I also thought that "Arthur's Pizza Palace" was very creative.
I really liked your rendition of the tale, it was very funny! Having the setting be a frat house worked well with the plot, and I liked the slang the frat boys and girls used. I also liked when they decided to fight the police, and Arthur said we should, “go medieval on this thing.” You used a lot of good description, such as the narration of the fight scene.
I like the pirate setting you have written this in. It goes very well with the events happening in the real story and makes the story, in my opinion, even more enjoyable. You did a very good job translating parts of the tale into pirate-talk (I.E. "Avenge my death to the bottom of the sea!") and many of the comments the characters make are humorous. I also think you did a good job translating each character into a pirate - the ships were very good replacements for horses.
Comment about Steve’s Readers Theater: This was a very funny rendition of the story, and your setting fitted the story in the book. I enjoyed the idioms you used like “leapin’ lizard” and “Flippin’ Friend Flippers,” which added humor to the story. I also liked the songs that you incorporated about the Boat and “Cats in the Cradle.”
Meg and Lucy's Reader's Theater: You guys did a great job translating this into a modern setting. Most modern settings about something that happened in a completely different time period tend to be a little weird because events don't really fit, but I thought that your setting worked well. For example, the "apple shnops" as the actual apples in the story fit perfectly.
Emma B.'s Reader's Theater: I thought that the setting you put your scene in was very creative, and still stayed true to the story. All the important details, like Merlin getting buried in a cave, were still there, but in an interesting modern setting. I also really like how you had Sir Bagdemagus ski and then win the Olympics to get a seat at the Round Table.
Matt and Cas's Reader's Theater: The setting for this was inventive, and every detail was worked out so that it fit the setting. I liked how that blow that was supposed to destroy several kingdoms in the actual story was a huge explosion because of a weapons dealer in your setting. It was also nice that you managed to fit in and explain almost every event in the story without the whole scene seeming too long.
Sarah and Micaela's: I like the setting a lot and you guys did a nice job making the language "piratey". You guys also made the story move fast which made it interesting to read.
MJ: I really liked your setting. That seems like it would be a challenging one to do but you did a great job. I liked the Irish soldier because I could imagine him speaking. Also I liked how you opened, it was very dramatic.
Lucy and Meg: Funny setting. You guys kept it constant and made everything fit in a college setting. I thought you had a good message at the end about not taking a drink if you don't know where it's been. I could really follow the story and I could picture where they were in my mind's eye.
I evaluate scripts based on five criteria: 1. Accuracy, events; 2. Accuracy, characterization; 3. Diction; 4. Proofread/Refined; 5. Appropriate for Reader's Theater
Michaela and Sarah: The script follows the text, with events and characterization being accurate. Diction is also appropriate for the setting. It is furthermore well proofread and appropriate for a Reader's Theater context. Well done.
Steve: The author's script does not follow the events of the text, assuming that that this script is adapted from the Tale of the Sangreal. Neither does it follow the text's characters and characterization; new characters are invented and characterization is greatly different from that of the original text. Diction is overly informal; use of words like "chick," "high five," "dibbs,"chill-axe," among numerous others, lends to the adaptation a juvenile tone which is greatly skewed from the original intent. Mechanically the adaptation is acceptable, assuming that the "ooooooo"'s and "nooooooo"'s and "iiiiiiiiiin"'s are deliberate; however, note that such language does not add to the quality of the adaptation. This adaptation can be read in Reader's Theater, however it can certainly be improved.
Graham: Overall, this script is a condensed version of the original; the events and characters are very accurate to the original. Diction is more colloquial than that of the text, however it is nonetheless appropriate. This script could be greatly improved with proofreading; there are numerous typoes and issues with capitalization, omitted letters, incorrect spelling, grammatical errors, and misplaced spacing. The lines are also crammed into a very large block of text, which makes the adaptation difficult to read. Because of the mechanical errors and formatting, this is not yet appropriate for a Reader's Theater; however, making it so is a simple matter of proofreading.
Echidna: I have it here. As well, I have your scabbard.
Kosey: (thankfully) Your work here today is greatly appreciated. Now, for the sake of my friends Kontar and Gahiji, I must go fight the knight to whom you refer.
Echidna: The knight stands in the flat beyond this closest sand dune. He is prepared to fight you. Do be careful, and best of luck!
Arthur: Thank you for your wise words, fair maiden. Alas, with Excalibur, I am indomitable.
Maiden: (malevolently and to herself) You will need luck, for it is neither Excalibur nor your scabbard that you possess.
Narrator: Simultaneously, Gahiji woke a little ways away, hidden under a dune of substantial breadth. Confused, he saw a plump dwarf standing by his side, eyeing him curiously.
Gahiji: Sayyed, please, where am I?
Tsekani: You fell from your camel. An evil knight snatched your friends from their rests. He desires to meet you in battle. He will be here soon. You must be ready to face him, or he will vanquish your friends. I have brought you the necessary armor. I can but wish you the best of luck. The knight is strong, but you must defeat him if you wish to see your friends alive again.
Narrator: The knight saw the armor in a heap nearby. The sword, whose handle was etched with intricate hieroglyphs, glimmered in the desert sun.
Gahiji: In all my days, I have never seen such a sword, except, of course, for Excalibur.
Narrator: As Gahiji prepared for the impending battle, Tsekani scampered into the woods, where he reunited with Echidna.
Echidna: (mischievously) Have you done as I asked, ustaaz?
Tsekani: Indeed I have, my lady. They haven’t a clue that they are going up against one another.
Narrator: The two knights, in the middle of a sandy plain, met. They exchanged epithets and charged each other.
Kosey and Gahiji, collectively: Hurrah! Have at you!
I thought Michaela's piece was very well done. I could tell from the get-go what tale she was mirroring, and I thought she did a tremendous job catering the plot, context, and setting to her adaptation of it. Additionally, it was well-written and coherent throughout. At times, it seemed more dense that the original tale, but that is not necessarily a bad component of it, just something I noticed.
I think Fritz effectively synthesized his tale with the story from the book. However, per usual, his lack of consistently correct grammar clouded somewhat my ability to follow along with the plot. Also, it just read too much like a simple summary or retelling of events. It needed to be more active and less passive and actually focus in on what happened rather than simply allude to it. Like I said, I think all the elements of a good story are there but not just as well put together as they might be.
For what it's worth, I wholeheartedly agree with Lucy about doing this on Google Docs. Having Blogspot say that my post has been published when in fact it hasn't is a real nuisance. Just my 2¢.
All of these adaptations were good, and well written, but I feel like Emma P's, Michaela's, and Meg's all had really inventive settings, which was what stood out to me the most.
Comment on Meg's: Meg's story was really quite a modern adaptation, taking out all the violence and replacing it with college sports tensions was really great, and fun to read. Overall, I felt like it really fit the definition of "adapting" it into a play.
Comment on Michaela's: You really captured the voice of the pirates in yours. It was an original setting, and you sold it by your script, and I even found myself laughing at a few parts, which is hard, because generally these reader's theater things are funny in a stupid kind of way. But I found yours to be legitimately funny, enjoyable, and really quite well done.
Comment on Emma P's: This was very very good. You made the narrator's lines generally dramatic, as they should be, and also, like I said above, this was one of the most original settings and adaptations I read, which made it stand out to me instantly. From the first sentence I immediately felt like I was there. It was done particularly well.
matt, steve and i did it together. it was the tale of the castle carbonek. It followed the events in the text. It's on page 420 if you want to read it. also saying something does't add to the quality of the adaptation is a matter of opinion. don't say it as a fact.
I laughed really hard when I read Matt's post about our adaptation because it's based on the Castle of Carbonek, not Sangreal, but good try to shut me down, bud. I think you should change up the tone a bit; me and Christian worked hard on that adaptation so you should consider being a bit more positive and a little less condescending. Or if you want to be condescending then at least get your facts.
Anyway,
I read Shepard's tale and I thought it was pretty good. The tale is very well adapted; almost all the events are there, all major characters are present and it is well written. However, I did struggle understanding what the setting was. If the setting was meant to be "Mobsters", then I don't think it blends well with the plot; it just adds more confusion to a already very confusing tale. Other than that, good job, I laughed several times too.
Sarah's and Michaela's was really good, the setting was pretty creative as well as the context. I agree with Cas that this adaptation was funny in a good way, not in a "I'm laughing because this is really dumb" funny. I could totally picture the pirates in my head, too.
Fritz's tale was almost the exact opposite of Sarah's tale because most of the jokes in it were either involved violence or were really flat out and dry. This humor in this adaptation really reminded me of movies like "Meet the Spartans", "Epic Movie" and "Vampire's Suck". I have to say I did laugh though. As with Sarah's tale, I can't really judge the actual context because I haven't read the tale itself, but Fritz's adaptation did have some spelling and grammar mistakes.
Overall, I really enjoyed reading these tales. Good Job Everyone!
I liked how Michaela and Lucy/Meg's scripts conveyed the accents and the types of language characters in their settings used. It really gets me into the setting and will probably be super fun to read. I especially liked how Lucy/Meg's script brought out how hilarious Arthur's cluelessness is. Matt's adaptation and its setting were very unique, but the vocabulary was a bit traditional for Korean War officers. Even though officers are supposed to be formal, I doubt they used words like "behest". Steve/Christian's adaptation was funny, but some parts were a bit questionable. Stereotyping gays could be problematic although comedians do it all the time. I liked this line though. "(soup nazi-esque) NO SWORD FO YOU!!!" It reminded me of my mom. JK.
-I loved Michaela and Sarah's Script! It was clever, never got boring, and had a really good theme of pirates. I could follow the plot of the story without getting confused and I enjoyed it. -also Steve and Christian's was really funny and entertaining to read. I loved the song -Mj and Cas' was really good. I would love to read it in class, and it is easy flowing and almost professional. Nicely done
Emma Piontek- I loved reading your Reader's Theater! You had some really great humor and good details. The stage notes definitely helped me visualize everything that was happening. The best part in my opinion was how completely your story was adapted into the new setting. There were no awkward halfway bits. The whole story was very clear, and I'll try not to take the use of the name Ellen for the "tramp" too personally!
Steve and Christian- My favorite part of your Reader's Theater was the hilarious exclamations Lancelot used. You had the perfect amount of awkwardness to make everything very funny, but you still conveyed the plot very well. Your story is one that was made to be read aloud.
Matt Jin- Your story was excellently detailed. I could picture everything that was happening very vividly, you also showed all of your character's emotions very well. Overall, your tale was organized, engaging and followed the plot very well!
Michaela Helble- I liked the theme, and the way it is pulled off. The idea of King Arther and the Knights of the Round Table is good one. I thought that idea of them fighting with pistols instead of swords was a good one, and my one little thought is that this might work better for a graphic novel, or actual onstage adaptation.
Emma- I like the idea for the setting of the story, and the diologe. I think it was a pretty clever twist on that part of it, and I like how it turns a very small thing in the book, into a slightly longer tale. A few points are kind of awkward, for example, if Arther is the king, why are policemen coming after them, and why can't Nyneve use magic on them. Asside from that, I like it.
Gabe- I know which story your doing from the very begguining, despite the fact that about half your story isn't actually there. I think its a pretty good interpertation, and I like the change in theme, but I also think that it might not be changed enough, from what we did in class. So, you convery the story well, but in some ways it read exactly like our readers theater.
For what it's worth, blogspot doesn't work well for this. May I suggest Tumblr?
Emma: Your reader's theater had a very creative setting and was rather enjoyable to read. Your piece was easy to follow but did follow the plot quite well along with a very original adaptation. Well Done
Steve and Christian: Very creative characters such as the "soup nazi-esque" and the word choice was especially entertaining. You followed the general plot along with adding your own original adaptation. Good Job.
MJ: As usual your adaptation came with wonderful detail that was easy to picture. The setting was amusing and creative. I loved some of the character's such as the Irish soldier. All in all your adaptation was dramatic, creative and funny. Good Job
Michaela and Sarah– I really liked the pirate theme you used and your scrappy language, and I think the setting fit really well with the tale.
Emma – I love your ski resort setting, it is very creative and funny. I also really like your voice tone words like (Disingenuously), (edgily) and (abashed). They really add to the play and help the reader better recreate the scenario.
Steve- Your song was really funny, along with your word choice and language (ex. Leapin’ Lizard). I also like your word choice and some added elements of your tale like Jesus.
General comment: I think next time we should all share our tales with everybody on google docs
Steve's Reader's Theatre: As expected, this was a very funny adaptation. The story and plot read well and it made sense throughout. I'd love to see this read aloud--especially the Lonely Island's "I'm On A Boat". Though it wasn't necessarily needed, it was very inventive, creative and entertaining.
Matt and Cas's Reader's Theatre: You guys did a really good job. It was actually pretty intense, as well. It was really detailed yet you managed to keep the script moving without it dragging on. You also had a really interesting and different setting.
Sarah and Michaela's Reader's Theatre: I loved that you stayed true to your setting throughout, especially with the pirate lingo/jargon. I found the story to be entertaining and funny and did a great job of portraying the story and events. I'd love to hear this one lead aloud--all the pirate commentary would be very entertaining
Michaela and Sara: I really enjoyed the setting; I thought it fit the plot very well and found your script truly amusing.
Meg and Lucy: Yours was really fun to read and it felt really modern. I liked the use of sports instead of fighting, cause in a way that is fighting; It was a really good adaptation.
Gabe and Tornike: Well done. Your adaptation as easy to follow and fun to read, I like how you changed the story but not to much.
Gabe and Tornike: Fabulous job! I really enjoyed reading yours. As Emma said, it is easy to follow and read, and I also liked the plot setting and the change of names.
Emma: Great job! Yours was entertaining and fun to read. I liked the setting.
MJ: Yours was not only amusing to read, but you made what could have been a very confusing plot easy to follow.
Meg/Lucy: The setting of a frat house added some very good humor to your adaptation of the tale. The words were very well translated from the more formal english to less formal, slangy words often used in a setting such as a frat house. The way you re-made the fights/competitions was also very well done.
Gabe/Tornike: Your tale was easy to follow and is very well-written. It was a good read and was a bit different than many of the other tales in that the setting and plot was not changed that much. Nice job.
Emma B.-I really liked how you fit the story of the five kings to fit a ski trip. You also conveyed Nyneve's character really well (out for the magic, not the love)! Lucy and Meg- I really enjoyed this piece as well. You did a great job transposing the story to modern times. It was also very humorous ("talk to the hand!") yet you didn't lose the core elements of the story. Emma P.-The use of the "southern" talk and the slight change in the characters names ("Lanny" and "Ellen" vs. Launcelot and Elaine) put an interesting twist on the tale. Just make sure that you don't stray too far from the actual tale itself (although I believe you did do okay, since you got all the major details down).
Narrator: Sadly, Gallahad turns to Lancelot and tells him he must go.
Gallhad: Father dearest, I must now leave you and see whither I fare to find my destiny as I search for a cup. I luh you.
Lancelot: Just remember son, with great power comes great responsibility...and always use protection.
Narrator: Lancelot, having given Gallahad an excellent piece of advice gives his son a high five. Gallahad departs.
Gallahad: I’m departing
Narrator: As soon a Gallahad leaves, Lancelot’s ship is mysteriously blown out to sea.
Lancelot: Flippin’ Fried Flippers! How can it be that a ship with no sails and no oars has taken flight?
Narrator: Incredibly happy with his alliteration, Lancelot is fine with a boat with a dead lady that moves on it’s own. He sailed for four months, every night praying that he may get a glimpse of the Holy Grail for he too decided it would be his quest. One night Lacelot’s ship crashes ashore, and he wakes up, from a dream about Cindy Crawford. He peaks his head over the rail of the boat and sees a castle guarded by two sassy lions dressed in matching batman outfits.
Sassy Lion 1: (in a family guy-esque voice) Alright sir, I call dibbs on the next one. mmmmm that knight looks tasty. But i did it a rather large questin’ beast today.
Sassy Lion 2: What? You are sooooo skinny.
Lion 1: I wanna lose three pounds by the end of this week. I’ve been on the south beach diet for almost 2 months now it working so well!
Lion 2: Ooooo yes. I’m on Atkins myself! It’s workin’ like a charm.
Narrator: As Lancelot approaches the doors the lions are too caught up in their conversation to care! But then a mysterious force stops them.
Lion 2: ooooooo nooooo. Lancelot got iiiiin!
Narrator: Suddenly, a dwarf appears!
Dwarf: (to narrator) EH-HEM!...I prefer Wee-Man
Narrator: Pardon, a Wee-Man appears out of nowhere and bitch slaps the sword out of Lancelot’s hand.
Wee-Man: (soup nazi-esque) NO SWORD FO YOU!!!
Narrator: Lancelot is intimidated by the wee-man and immediately sheaths his sword, and wee-man let’s him enter the castle. As Lancelot passes through the gates Wee-man says a comment to the lions.
Wee-man: I hate seeing him leave....but I love watching him go.
Narrator: Lancelot walks through the castle, it is completely empty. The only sound is the Dracula music being played by an organ on the upper level of the castle. Finally he arrives at a large wooden door that is sealed tight. He gets down on his knees and begins to pray.
Lancelot: (in a deep southern accent for some unexplainable reason) Dear Lord Baby Jesus....
Narrator: (interrupts) Why would you start it like that? You know Jesus is a grown up; he has beard and chest hair now. Probably even a family man up in Heaven, with a wife and several children.
Lancelot: I’ll say it the way I want Narrator! Why don’t you get a body or something.
Lancelot: (still in his southern accent) “Dear Eight Pound, Six Ounce, Newborn Baby Jesus, in your golden, fleece diapers, with your curled-up, fat, balled-up little fists pawin' at the air, we thank you so much for this bountiful harvest of Dominos, KFC, and the always delicious Taco Bell. I just want to take time to say thank you for my family. My three sons, Walker, and Texas Ranger, or TR as we call him, and Gallahad. And of course my red hot smokin' wife-ish Guenevere, who is a stone cold fox. Anyway, please show me what is inside this door.
Narrator: A voice says he is not allowed to go inside so Lancelot peeeeeaks through the doors and sees a priest, next to him stands the holy grail.
Narrator: The power of the holy grail was so awesome that Lancelot could not with stand it and fainted. He wakes up and is introduced to King Pelle, the king of the castle.
Pelle: Hey
Lancelot: Hey
Narrator: The two new acquaintances chill-axe and Lancelot stays in his castle for a few days. Turns out, the dead chick on the boat was Pelle’s daughter.
Lancelot: I think your daughter was on my boat.
Pelle: Cool.
Lancelot: She was kind of bangin’.
Pelle: Cool.
Narrator: Sadly, the time comes when Lancelot must leave. Just as Lancelot is about to leave there is a knock at the door.
knocking sound
Pelle: (inquisitive high pitched voice) Who is iiiit?
Sir Ector: It’s sir Ector, Lancelot’s brother.
Pelle: OO! Lancelot’s here!
Ector: So...can I come in.
Pelle: mmmmm nope.
Narrator: Sir Ector then turns his trusy steed Maurice, and gallops on down the lane. Lancelot, now armed and ready to go bids his friend Pelle adieu:
Narrator: Lancelot travels to an abbey where he meets monks, looks at tombstones, and learns to crochet.
Lancelot: (distraught) Jesus Christ on a cracker I dropped a stitch!
Jesus: (Angrily) Hey!
Lancelot: Sorry.
Monks: (mumble mumble mumble)
Narrator: He sees a tombstone he recognizes.
Lancelot: Well butter my butt and call me a biscuit but it’s the tomb of Sir Badgemagus! He made delicious scallops wrapped in bacon.
Narrator: Lancelot then travels back home to Camelot where he tells Arthur and Guenevere of all his adventures and they make him a kid’s cuisine. They lived happily ever after.
Narrator Lancelot The “Voice” Dead Chick (Sir Percivale’s sister) Gallahad Black Knight Dwarf/Wee-Man Sassy Lion Sassy Lion 2 King Pelle Sir Ector Monks
The Castle of Carbonek
Plot Summary: Lancelot, a knight of Camelot washes up onto the shores of a foreign land. He is extremely tired and decideds to sleep for a a but when suddenly a mysterious voice tells him to board the next ship that he sees. He boards an eerie ship that has no sails or oars on which he finds Sir Percivale’s sister lieing dead on the floor. For a month he lived on the ship living of god’s good grace when when one day he encounters his son, Gallahad, in the nearby woods. They rejoice but soon a knight a random knight arrives to recruit Gallahad for the quest to find the Holy Grail. Lancelot agrees to go and father and son seperate. Mysteriously, Lancelot’s ship sets out to see and after a month arrives at the foot of a castle. Lancelot enters and sees the holy grail but faints on account of some mysterious power. He wakes, and King Pelle, the king of the castle introduces himself. They spend four days together in the castle before Lancelot departs. Before he leaves however their is a knock at the door. It is Sir Ector, Lancelot’s brother but King Pelle turns him away in order to protect the grail. Ector departs and soon there after so does Lancelot. Lancelot travels to an abbey where he sees the tombs of one of his fellow knight’s of the round table and decides it is time that he returns home. He returns to Camelot where he tells Arthur and Guenevere of his adventures.
Narrator: A tired, scared Lancelot comes to the shores of the Morayse.
Lancelot: O golly, I’m so tired.
Narrator: Suddenly, Lancelot hears a voice.
Voice: Sir Lancelot, wake up, arm yourself and get onto the first ship that you see.
Lancelot: Okay.
Narrator: Scared and confused, Lancelot walks briskly, with a girlish trudge, toward the marina, and aspies a ship. A ship that has no oars or sails.
Lancelot: (confused but happy-ish) Well slap my butt and call me Aunt Susie, this ship has no oars or sails, yet it is the best ship I’ve ever seen.(sniffs). And it smells like roses too! My favorite!
Narrator: Lancelot boards the ship and begins to sing!
Lancelot: (Lonely Island’s “I’m On A Boat!” begins to play) I'm on a boat I'm on a boat Everybody look at me 'cause I'm sailing on a boat I'm on a boat I'm on a boat Take a good hard look at the motherflipping boat
Narrator: Suddenly, Lancelot notices something...
Lancelot: Holy tamoli! There’s a dead chick on board........O WELL!
Narrator: He looks at the body one more time.
Lancelot: Well I’ll be dammed, that’s Sir Percivale’s sister! Noooo way!
Narrator: For a month, Lancelot lives ON A BOAT! with the dead chick. One day, he decides to go for a stroll for he had just peed in his armor and needed a second to regain himself. While walking, Lancelot pauses and hears galloping. He prances daintily back to his boat. The knight (who was responsible for the galloping) also boards the ship. Turns out, the new knight was Lancelot’s son.
Lancelot: Leapin’ Lizard! That’s my son, Sir Galahad!
Narrator: Lancelot and his little boy sing a rendition of Harry Chapin’s timeless classic “Cats In the Cradle and the Silver spoon”, have a good cry, and live together ON A MOTHER FLIPPIN’ BOAT for six months.
Gallahad: I love you daddy! I’m so glad we reestablished our relationship!
Lancelot: I love you too my boy!
Narrator: Suddenly they hear more hoofs and another knight rides up. The Knight tells Gallahad he has to go with him to find the holy grail. The knight is black.
Black Knight: (with a heavy chi-town accent) yo dawg you gotta go wit me n’ find tha holy grizz-ail biznitch!
Le Morte D’Arthur Script
ReplyDeleteChapter 2: The two swords and the invisible knight.
Setting: pirates
Characters: Narrator, Girl, Arthur, Balin, Lady of Avalon, Lanceour (can also be Pirate), Balan/Pirate of the Island, Mark, Merlin, Pirate
Narrator: Our story begins with the Pirate King Arthur and his most trusted lieutenants aboard the Pirate Ship Camelot. Arthur is holding a council of war because he’s just learned that Blackbeard Royns has gathered a large fleet of ships and is coming to attack Arthur. During his war council, a girl rows up to his ship.
Girl: Ahoy there Arthur! I have a wonderful pistol here that’s enchanted. I’m a-searching for a fearless knight with the most dark and pirate-like heart possible. I’ve already been to Blackbeard Royns’ fleet, but none o’ his men had the salt to claim it. Do any of yer men dare?
Narrator: Though the pirates all were courageous, none came forward.
Arthur: (angrily) You’re all scallywags! Will none try?
Narrator: Unfortunately, Arthur found no takers and moved on to other matters. However, Balin, a pirate Arthur had imprisoned for killing his cousin during a duel, heard all that passed and decided to try his luck in private.
Balin: Ay! Lass! Give me a chance, I’d like to draw the pistol!
Girl: (looks skeptical) Well ye don’t look like a true pirate. Your clothes are too fancy. But since none o’ the other men had the salt to try, you may as well.
Narrator: Balin reached for the pistol and took it without effort. By now, a crowd had gathered and all saw Balin’s success.
Girl: You’re sure to become famous before ye die! Give the pistol here, though. I need to take it for yer own safety.
Balin: (scornful) Safety? Hah. I be a pirate of the best sort. I hate safety, so I’ll just hold on to this here pistol.
Girl: (sadly) As you wish. But be warned that ye’ll fight to the death with the man ye love the most.
Balin: I’ll take me chances.
Narrator: The girl left, and Arthur congratulated Balin on his success. Just then, there was another commotion. The Lady of Avalon appeared before Arthur and his pirates.
Lady of Avalon: Arthur, you must grant me the gift you swore to when I gave you the magic pistol, Excalibur.
Arthur: Name it.
Lady of Avalon: I demand that head of that knight! (points at Balin). He kille-
Narrator: But the Lady of Avalon was unable to finish her sentence because Balin, who’d been listening to the conversation, had shot her.
Arthur: (angrily, to Balin) Are ye mad? You just killed our provider!!
Balin: (shrugging) I had me reasons.
Arthur: Ye be exiled from this ship forevermore! Never let me see your sorry hide again!
Narrator: Balin was set adrift in a rowboat. Balin, though not sorry about killing the Lady of Avalon, who was his enemy, was sad to make Arthur so angry. He vowed to kill Blackbeard Royns (or die in the attempt) in order to gain back Arthur’s friendship. Meanwhile, another Pirate named Lanceour came forward.
Lanceour: Arrr! That landlubber Balin is no good. Arthur, let me kill him for ye! You’ll not be sorry.
Arthur: (slowly) I guess ye can. But don’t return until ee’s dead!
Narrator: Merlin then appeared and told Arthur that Balin was a good pirate, and it was really the girl who was evil. Arthur was sad, but it was too late to call Lanceour back. At that time, Lanceour caught up with Balin and fired a shot. It missed, but Balin returned the shot and blew Lanceour’s brains out. Sadly, Lanceour’s lover had been in the boat with him, and upon seeing his death, took the pistol and killed herself.
ReplyDeleteBalin: Ahh! What have I done? This is surely a troublin’ matter. But lo! There be me brother Balan’s ship!
Balan: Ahoy there brother! I spy a boat with two dead bodies! What has happened here?
Balin: I was on me way to kill Blackbeard Royns when that pirate showed up and shot at me. I shot at him, in me own defense o’ course, and I killed ‘im. Then that there maiden killed ‘erself too!
Balan: That’s no good. Ay, but I’ll help ye out in yer search for Royns. I’m sure ye’d be glad o’ some company.
Narrator: Meanwhile, another ship belonging to Pirate King Mark pulled up alongside the brothers’.
Mark: What has happened here?
Balin: (annoyed) Are ye stupid? Two people got killed.
Mark: Ah. It’s a sad thing. But I’ll give them a proper burial, since you won’t.
Narrator: Merlin suddenly appeared.
Merlin: (phrophetic) On this spot will occur a terrible battle between Lancelot du Lac and Sir Tristram. But that is in the future. (turns to Balin). You have done a great wrong by not saving this maiden. As a consequence, you will strike a most fateful blow that will destroy three kindoms for 12 years and incurably wound a great Pirate King.
Balin: Arg! Methinks I should kill meself to prevent this tragedy. But where’s that scraggly old man got to? He vanished!
Mark: Never mind that. What do people call a fearsome Pirate like you?
Balan: Call ‘im the “Pirate of the two Pistols”
Mark: It’s surely a worthy name.
Narrator: Mark departed and Balin and Balan sailed on. They landed on a tropical island with monkeys, wild beasts, and strange, exotic birds. Merlin appeared once more in disguise.
Merlin: (scottish accent) Ahh! You look like two pirates worth your salt! Be warned that Blackbeard Royns is on this here island and is approaching fast!
Balan:(whispering) This is yer chance.
Balin: (shouting) Prepare to attack!!
Narrator: It was a fierce and bloody battle but Balan and Balin killed many pirates, captured Blackbeard Royns, and sent him to Pirate King Arthur as a captive. Arthur was surprised and gratified when he recieved Royns. However, Merlin informed him that Royn’s borther Nero had sailed to an island where he was preparing to attack Arthur. All of Arthur’s best pirates met Nero on the island. They fought with such bravery that Nero was soon defeated. However, this was because Pirate King Lot was not at that battle, having been delayed by Merlin. Angry at this, he prepared to attack Arthur himself, along with the other Pirate Kings who hated Arthur. King Pellinore, on Arthur’s side, eventually killed Lot in this battle, and Arthur was once again victorious!
Merlin: Well done Arthur! Now I will make a bronze and gold candleholder for you. When the lights of this candle go out, you will be dead!
Arthur: (dryly) Fantastic.
Narrator: Merlin told of many events to come in the court of King Arthur, including Arthur’s death at the hands of Modred as well as the accomplishment that the Knights of the Round Table will achieve when they finish the quest of the Holy Grail. Unfortunately, though, Arthur’s troubles had not passed him. He soon fell sick, and as he lay on the deck of his ship, another pirate rowed up to him.
ReplyDeleteArthur: Why, matey, you look as blue as the ocean! Tell me now, what troubles ye?
Pirate: Nothing that you be reckonin’ with, my lord (leaves)
Narrator: The unknown pirate soon left to move on to the next ship, called Meliot. Soon after the pirate came Sir Balin, who immediately greeted Arthur.
Balin: Ahoy, you sea dog! Tell me, what be troublin’ ye, your highness?
Arthur: Balin, I need you to bring me back a lone and blue pirate on his way to the ship of Meliot. He be refusin to tell me what ails him!
Balin: Ahoy, Sir, it would be me pleasure. I will bring him here, whether he likes it or not!
Narrator: Balin rowed into the ocean blue, and soon came upon the lone pirate, who was then accompanied by a lass. Balin immediately confronted him, sword in hand.
Balin: Ay, Matey, by the name of Arthur, I command you to follow me back to our barge, or else accept a duel by the point of my sword!
Pirate: If ye pledge to my safety by yer life, I will accept. My name, by the way, be Harleus.
Narrator: Balin agreed, and both of the men rowed off in Balin’s boat towards Arthur’s ship. All of a sudden, a gun shot exploded in the air.
Pirate: AH! ME CHEST (falls overs).
Balin: Matey! What has happened?
Pirate: This be the work of the invisible pirate, Garlot! Avenge my death to the bottom of the sea (dies).
Narrator: Balin, with the lady that accompanied the pirate Harleus, set out on a journey to find Garlot. Soon, they heard of a feast at Pirate Pellam’s ship that the invisible knight would be attending. At the feast, tensions were running high.
Balin: See the black-faced pirate at the end of the table, my lady? That is him, the one we are after.
Garlot: Why do you stare at me, foolish parrot (Garlot smacks Balin across the face)
Balin: This is not the only wrong you have bestowed on me, you scallywag (Balin shoots Garlot through the heart with his pistol)
Narrator: As blood gushed all over the table, King Mark and his pirates put on their arms and were soon chasing Balin. Balin continued to run from room to room, looking for another weapon, until he came upon a coffin with a shining gold sword.
Balin: Take that, you coward (stabs Pirate Pellam).
ReplyDeleteNarrator: Immediately, the walls of the ship and three other ships collapsed, causing destruction and death. The sword had been the same sword that killed Davy Jones, and it’s mystical powers kept Pellam and Balin in a trance for days. Eventually, Merlin came about and woke Balin from his trance and told him of the woman’s death in the ruins. Balin decided to move on and row to the nearest ship he could. Eventually, he reached a ship amid great festivities, and was told by the ladies of the boat that he, the Pirate of the Two Pistols, must now fight the Pirate of the Island.
Balin: Such a sorry task, but I shall go forth!
Pirate of the Island: Hold your weapon high!
Narrator: The two warriors fought until blood flowed freely from their wounds. Ladies looked upon the fight in awe, as the other pirates watched the valor of the two fighters. Eventually, both were struck to the ground and only a breath away from death.
Balin: Tell me, worthy pirate, what be yer name? You be the best of the best (besides me, that is) on these watery seas.
Pirate of the Island: I am (removes eye patch) Pirate Balan, brother to Pirate Balin!
Balin: (gasp) Alas, me brother, we have slaughtered each other through and through! (Cries to the ship) Let us be buried with honors, and in the same watery grave together!
Narrator: Both Balin and Balan soon passed away, and their wishes were honored by the ship. Merlin, who had seen the whole battle unfold, soon reappeared on Arthur’s ship to tell him the news.
Merlin: Alas, Pirate Arthur, Balin and Balan have mistakenly killed each other in a fight! You shall never be seein’ them again!
Arthur: (Saddened) Ay, Matey, them boys were the finest of pirates known to me. Let them be honored for their work!
The End
-Michaela H and Sarah R
THE WAR WITH THE FIVE KINGS
ReplyDeleteCharacters:
Narrator
Pellinore
Torre
Gawain
Arthur
Merlin
Nyneve
Gwynevere
Five Policeman:
Policeman of Denmark
Policeman of Ireland
Policeman of Sorleyse
Policeman of the Isle
Policeman of the Vale
Sir Kay
Sir Bagdemagus
Narrator: Pellinore, Sir Torre, and Gawain returned to Camelot with Nyneve. Merlin was out in the garden, turning fresh roses into pure gold. At the sound of the returning knights, Merlin turned around, and immediately fell in love with the young Maiden, Nyneve.
Gawain: Hey Merlin. Whatcha doin’?
Merlin: (Pompously) Just, uh, turning these roses into gold, but no big deal.
Nyneve: (Flirtatiously) Ooh wow. I’ve always wanted to be able to do that. Can you show me how?
Narrator: Merlin was hesitant about sharing the secrets of his magical crafts with an unfamiliar woman, but his heart got the better of him.
Merlin: Well of course. Come by any time. I’m free all day.
Narrator: Nyneve was fascinated by Merlin’s abilities, and she spent many days with him while he shared his secrets with her. Soon, Nyneve was satisfied with the amount of magic she’d learned, and no longer found it necessary to request Merlin’s assistance.
Merlin: (Cheerily) Oh Nyneve! Where were you today? I thought you wanted to learn how to use magic to clean all the toilets!
Nyneve: (Annoyed) Oh, it’s quite alright, Merlin. That wont be necessary.
Narrator: Nyneve turned on the spot, and walked away as quickly as possible. Distressed, Merlin ran after her, but she had already disappeared. Merlin felt very melancholy, and retired to his room to learn about his destiny. Merlin soon discovered that his destiny was to be buried alive in the near future, and deeply despaired by the news, he went to seek his friend Arthur for consolation.
Merlin: (Holding Back Tears) Arthur this just stinks! I just learned that my destiny is to be buried alive soon, and there’s nothing I can do, and I’m completely in love with Nyneve to boot.
ReplyDeleteArther: (Concerned) Surely with your magical abilities you could be able to avert such a tragic fate.
Merlin: (Desperately ) No I can’t! I’m so cooked! Oh Arthur! What can I do! There’s no way to change by stupid destiny!
Arthur: (Hesitantly) Gee, uh, I dunno.
Merlin: Well what do you do when you feel down?
Arthur: Ski
Merline: (Indignantly) Ski?
Arthur: Yes. In fact, there’s a swanky little ski resort just a 5 hour drive south of here. (Pauses) And uh, why don’t you take that Nyneve chick with you (nudges Merlin and raises his eyebrows)
Merlin: (Eyes gleaming with excitement) You know that’s not such a bad idea...I’ve always wanted to ski.
Arthur: (Grin creeping across his face) That’s where I took Gwynevere for our honeymoon. Best three days of my life. I’ll even let you borrow my very expensive skis. That’s sure to impress Nyneve.
Merlin: (Who had always secretly envied Arthur of his high quality skis pats Arthur on the Back) Gee thanks Arty boy. You’re a real pal.
Narrator: Merlin walked with a fresh spring in his step that you would not expect to see from a man who just found out he was going to be buried alive. He wandered around the castle joyously until he found Nyneve, who was practicing turning roses into gold.
Merlin: (excitedly) Hey Nyneve. I have a great idea. How bout a skiing mini-break?
Narrator: Nyneve struggled to think of an excuse for not going with Merlin, but none came, so she accepted his offer.
Nyneve: Yeah Sure. I mean, whatever.
Merlin: Sweet. When are you free?
Nyneve: (edgily) I’m free this evening.
Narrator: Merlin and Nyneve departed from Camelot that night in search of the five star ski resort. Merlin had debated between the most expensive, five room sweet complete with kitchen and swimming pool, but he decided, the cozy one bed room on the top floor would be his best best for convincing Nyneve to do the act of love. After several wrong turns, and many hours driving, they arrived at the resort.
Merlin: (enthusiastically) Well here we are!
Nyneve: (Dryly) Oh good.
Narrator: Merlin put his arm around Nyneve, and they went up to the room.
Merlin: (Disingenuously) Oh dear. There’s only one bed in the room I’ve booked. Too bad...
ReplyDeleteNyneve: (annoyed) Thanks a lot, Merlin. You’ve ruined the vacation and we’ve just arrived.
Merlin: (abashed) Errr. Sorry. Shall we go skiing then?
Nyneve: It’s 12am. won’t the lifts be closed?
Merlin: Well there are some good things about dating a Magician...
Narrator: Suddenly Nyneve had a good idea for how she could get rid of Merlyn.
Nyneve: (Giddily) That would be really cool! Let’s go!
Narrator: Merlin donned Arthur’s very expensive skis, and he and Nyneve snuck out to the silent ski lift.
Merlin: (To himself) Maybe if I can pull this one off Nyneve will sleep with me tonight.
Narrator: Merlin reached the ski lift and uttered:
Merlin: snykrem, stnemilpmoc ot enutpn
Narrator: And the lift began to creak and move
Merlin: Ready, beautiful?
Nyneve: I’ve never been on a ski lift before. I’ll watch you the first time, and then we can go together.
Merlin: Ok, fine.
Narrator: Nyneve watched Merlin’s form shrink into the darkness as he moved father and father up the mountain. When it looked like he was about a quarter of the way up, Nyneve began to saw at the metal cable of the lift. When Merlin was half way to the top, the last string of wire snapped, and he plummeted to the ground and was buried in a deep snow bank, fulfilling his destiny. Nyneve, relieved to be rid of him, packed up her things, and took the bus back to Camelot. A few days after she arrived, she confessed to King Arthur that she had killed Merlin, and the police was sure to be after her.
Nyneve: (whining) Oh Arthur, what am I supposed to do now?
ReplyDeleteNarrator: As soon as she had spoken, a loud, rapid sequence of knocks came at the door.
Arthur and Nyneve: (looking at each other) Uh-oh...
Narrator: Before Arthur had a chance to open the door, the five policemen began to enter. The Policeman of Denmark, the Policeman of Ireland, the Policeman of Sorleyse, the Policeman of the Isle, and the Policeman of the Vale.
Arthur: (Annoyed) Golldog! Why can’t I have a minute of peace around here?
Narrator: Arthur ran upstairs to try to enlist King Pellinore’s help, and then asked Gwynevere if she would be willing to accompany him as well.
Arthur: (Winningly) Come on, old sport! Be a pal!
Gwynevere: (Sappily) Well of course Arthur. I would do anything for you.
Narrator: Arthur grabbed his secret stash of guns from under his bed, and tossed Gwynevere and Pellinore each a pistol, keeping the machine gun for himself. Then Sir Kay and Sir Gryfflet arrived and agreed to help as well.
Sir Kay: Hey guys, what’s going on?
Arthur: I’m not sure what to do. We could either jump out the window, or battle the policeman downstairs.
Gwynevere: (peering out the window) I vote the window...It’s only a three story fall.
Kay: I don’t want to be a coward. I’ll take the policeman.
Gawain: (Rationally) No no. That doesn’t make any sense at all. There are five of them and only four of us.
Kay: You underestimate me. I can shoot two guns at the same time.
Narrator: Arthur, Gawain, Gryfflet, and Gwynevere ran into the hall, and Kay led the way down the stairs. Before the first policeman knew what was happening, Kay had blown his brains out. Together, they managed to kill the rest of the policeman.
Arthur: Well done everyone
Gwynevere: Kay! You were amazing!
ReplyDeleteKay: Really, it’s no big deal.
Arthur: (Disgruntled) Alright Gwynevere, that’s enough.
Narrator: To Arthur’s dismay, he discovered that some of the Knights of the round table had been killed by the five policemen before they had killed the policemen.
Arthur: Pellinore, how should we replace the knights that were killed?
Pellinore: Er, how bout you have four older knights and four younger ones. For the older ones, how about King Uryens, Sir Hervyse de Revell, Sir Galagar, and the King of the Lake. For the younger knights I would recommend Sir Gawain, Sir Gryfflet, Sir Kay, and either Sir Bagdemagus or Sir Torre. (Modestly) But I’m really not sure...
Gawain: (Chiming in) I think that’s a great idea!
Gryfflet: Yeah, me too.
Arthur: Well okay then. And I think I’ll choose Sir Torre.
Sir Bagdemagus (Furiously): Thanks a lot guys! I’m leaving.
Narrator: Sir Bagdemagus traveled for many days, and eventually it occurred to him that if he killed one the the knights of the round table, he would be next in line for a spot. He pondered this for a while, and eventually came upon the ski resort where Merlin had been buried. Too cool off steam, he decided to go for a ski. As Sir Bagdemagus made his way slowly snow-plowing down the mountain, he thought he heard a muffled voice. About halfway down he realized the yell was coming from beneath a particularly large snow bank.
Sir Bagdemagus(pressing his ear against the snow bank) Hello? who’s down there?
Merlin: It’s me, Merlin! I’ve been buried alive!
ReplyDeleteSir Bagdemagus Oh dear. Don’t worry I’ll get you out!
Narrator: Sir Bagdemagus dug at the snow for a good ten minutes, but he grew increasingly frustrated as he did not seem to be making any progress.
Merlin (Melancholy and resigned) That won’t work you know. Even if 100 people dug together, they wouldn’t be able to unburry me. Nyneve has enchanted this snow bank, so that I’ll be stuck down here forever.
Sir Bagdemagus: (genuinely) Bummer, man!
Narrator: Sir Bagdemagus skied down the rest of the mountain, and for many months he wandered around the mountains of the ski resort and practiced his skiing. Soon he was qualified to enter the Olympics, and he claimed the gold metal for downhill. When King Arthur got wind of Sir Bagdemagus’s fame, he made him a knight of the round table.
-Emma Burnham
Balin
ReplyDeleteNarrator:
The year was 1954, South Korea. The elite forces of the American army, led by the honorable Commander Pendragon were stationed in an encampment on the front lines. It was the day of a trial, held by Arthur Pendragon, his chief intelligence officer Mr. Merlin, and other significant personnel, to debate the release of Lieutenant Balin, an American soldier imprisoned months earlier for the murder of Pendragon’s cousin.
Merlin:
(strongly) All rise for Commander Pendragon!
Narrator:
Pendragon entered, with two guards and Balin.
Balin:
(pleading) Please, you’ve got to listen to me, I didn’t kill him, it wasn’t me…
Pendragon:
(in control) Shut him up! (business-like) Everybody, take a seat. The trial is for Lieutenant Balin, on charges of first degree murder.
Narrator:
The trial preceded regularly, Balin pleading innocent, with Arthur Pendragon furious over the death of his cousin. However, nearing the end, Merlin leaned across the jury table and whispered into Arthur’s ear.
Pendragon:
(sighs) Very well. At the behest of our intelligence officer, Mr. Merlin, Balin will be released, and no charges will be held against him. Court dismissed.
Narrator:
Balin soon realized that, despite his unexpected release, he had nowhere to go. He wandered aimlessly through the camp for several days. One day, a mysterious hermit woman arrived there.
Hermit:
(mysteriously) I am told that you are the bravest soldiers in the Korean war. Well, only the most virtuous of you will be able to pass my challenge. Only the most pure, courageous marine will be able to draw this handgun from its holster.
Irish soldier:
(laughing) You old fool! Anyone can draw a pistol from its holster, it does not take virtue!
Narrator:
And yet, after trying, the boastful soldier could not. Many more tried, even commander Pendragon himself, but none could. At last, one more approached…
Balin:
May I try to draw that handgun?
Hermit:
(as though Balin is stupid) You fool! You were a prisoner, there’s no way you could be the most virtuous soldier here!
Narrator:
And yet, he drew the pistol from its sheath as easily as he drew any other pistol.
Hermit:
(reluctantly) Well, it would appear my first impressions were wrong. But you may not keep it!
Balin:
(defiantly) As I have won this sword, it is mine to keep.
Hermit:
Very well, but I must warn you. With that gun, you are fated to kill the person whom you most love.
Balin:
Ha! Impossible.
Narrator:
But Balin was frightened by the hermit’s warning, and hid himself away in a dark tent. That is, until some news came.
Cook:
Lieutenant Balin, may I come in? I have an important message for you, something you might be interested to hear.
Balin:
(urgently) Well, what is it?
Cook:
The ambassador from the region of the lake, you know… they call her the lady of the lake. She is in the encampment, and she wishes for your head.
Balin:
(broodingly) That is because she remembers I killed her brother.
Cook:
ReplyDelete(frightened now) You… you are a murderer!
Balin:
I was avenging the death of my mother! She publicly executed my mother in order to strike fear into those around her. She is a wicked woman, and this is my only chance for revenge.
Narrator:
Meanwhile, in Pendragon’s briefing room…
Pendragon:
(as a matter of fact) I released him from prison, ambassador. I cannot kill him now.
Ambassador:
I demand that you do! As you recall, I traded you that nuclear missile Excalibur when you most needed it in the early days of the war, and asked only that you repay me at a later date. Now I get my reward.
Balin:
(furiously) Now you get it! You asked for my head, so I shall take yours!
Narrator:
With that Balin fired a shot through the lady of the lake’s forehead with the mystical gun, killing her instantly.
Pendragon:
You murderer! You’ve slain our benefactress! I knew Merlin was wrong. You’ll be deported instantly and court marshalled in the States.
Narrator:
Balin, however, was horrified by the idea of returning. He managed to escape the guards who were escorting him to his jet, and began to wander about the Korean grasslands. Meanwhile, Mr. Merlin debriefed the troops.
Merlin:
We have more information on the hermit. She was a traitor from America who moved to Korea. Her brother killed her husband in a fit of rage, and she found a local witch doctor, who cursed her husband’s gun in the hopes that one day it would kill her brother as well. Balin now holds this gun, he should be treated as a definite threat to security and peace.
Narrator:
After the meeting, Arthur was approached by the Irish soldier who had tried to pull the gun from the holster.
Irish soldier:
My commander, let me find this Balin. I am skilled at tracking. I shall bring him down.
Pendragon:
Very well. Would you like a companion?
Irish soldier:
Any other soldier would slow me down. I will bring my wife for companionship.
Narrator:
However, in a conversation with the locals, Balin learned of this soldier, and prepared to ambush him when he rested for the night…
Irish soldier:
(to his wife) Don’t worry my dear. We’ll find this prisoner soon, and then we’ll be able to go home, and never have to worry about him again.
Balin:
(angry) You fool! You should never have come after me!
Narrator:
Balin, drawing his pistol, shot dead the soldier who had come searching for him. His wife stood horrified before her dead husband. She slowly stooped, picked up his gun, and held it, solemnly.
Wife:
We had so much to live for… so many prospects. They’re all gone now.
Narrator:
And with that, she pointed the loaded gun at the bottom of her chin and pulled the trigger.
Balin:
(depressed) Alas, I caused the death of this young woman...
Narrator:
ReplyDeleteThus Balin wandered the countryside. One day he found his brother who was like him an officer in the army.
Balin:
(surprised) Brother! It has been so long! Why did you come to a treacherous warzone, just to see me?
Balan:
A friend of mine in the States told me of your trouble, of your commander withdrawing you from service!
Balin:
Perhaps you can help me win his trust back... One of Korea’s leading generals, Royns, is virtually undefended for now while his army is still out. Perhaps by killing him and bringing him to Arthur, I will prove myself worthy.
Narrator:
Balin and Balan travelled for days to Royns’s safe house. One day, after they had laid down camp for the night and slept, Balin seemed to see that a tomb had been constructed there and a dwarf stood before them.
Dwarf:
Hello, Lieutenant Balin.
Balin:
(shocked) Who… who are you?
Midget:
I am here to warn you that the killing of the soldier’s wife was an unfortunate misdeed, and with it, you have signed your own doom.
Balin:
But that wasn’t my own fault!
Midget: I have built for the soldier and his wife a tomb, and in it they will lie together, as you too will lie together with your most beloved.
Balin:
(thoroughly confused) I don’t understand! Who are you?
Narrator: But the dwarf was already receding into the darkness. Now Balin heard Merlin’s voice in his mind.
Merlin:
He is merely a vision, and soon you will wake up.
Balin:
Mr. Merlin?! What are you doing here?
Merlin:
I come with a prophesy. You will fire a shot, a shot which will be remembered forever in Korea. It shall be known forever as the dolorous stroke. Be warned.
Balin:
Wait wait, come back! Come back…
Balan:
Brother, brother wake up!
Balin:
What is it?
Balan:
You must have been dreaming. Let us continue to Royns’ fort; it is not far from here.
Narrator:
After a short ride they arrived at the fort. They smashed down the door guns shooting. They quickly saw Royns, who was surrounded by a group of guards. Balin shot Royns dead while Balan slew the other guards. The others could only watch in fear and confusion. Balan then quickly cut off Royns’s head, and the two made their escape.
Balan:
Present this to Commander Pendragon, and he will surely reinstate you.
Narrator:
As they approached Pendragon’s encampment, they showed the guards the head, and were allowed to progress forward to see Pendragon.
Pendragon:
(shocked and angry) You! Why do you show your head in this camp again?? I should have you arrested instantly!
Balin:
(smugly) We bring for you a gift, sir.
Narrator:
Balin withdrew Royns’s head, to Arthur’s astonishment. At that point, the walls of the tent shook. The Cook rushed in, frightened.
Cook:
(frightened) Sir, this is it! A massive offensive led by the top Korean generals, Nero and Lot, is approaching!
Pendragon:
Then we must prepare our defenses! (pausing) Balin… you have pleased me with your deeds. For this, you are forgiven for your past actions and you are now reinstated in this army with your former rank. Now, you and your brother come with me ; we have a long fight ahead of us.
Narrator:
It was a bloody battle, but through the two brothers’ brilliant leadership the Koreanswere routed from the battlefield. Korea’s unconditional surrender followed soon after. Balan parted ways at that point, promising to each other that they would meet again before long. Arthur had a special request for Balin: find and kill the man truly responsible for his cousin’s death: a sniper known as the Invisible Knight.
Arthur:
ReplyDeleteHe is currently with his brother, a local warlord named Pellam, who is throwing a fifteen day long feast. You will find him at Pellam’s fort.
Narrator:
Balin travelled to the feast. When he had taken his seat at the table, he asked his neighbor if he knew where the Invisible Knight was.
Neighbor:
Who doesn’t? He’s the man with the black face over there. I should warn you, he is a violent man with a wild temper.
Narrator:
The Invisible Knight noticed Balin staring, and came over to slap him across the face.
Invisible Knight:
You’re here to feast, not to stare.
Balin:
This is not the first time you have wronged me.
Narrator: With that he drew his enchanted pistol and shot the Invisible Knight between the eyes,who crumpled on the floor, dead, at Balin’s feet. Several guards stood, drawing their weapons, but Balin quickly shot them too. By now, the other guests were scrambling for the door to escape the crossfire. At this point Pellam struck Balin across the head and seized the pistol. Balin reached wildly for the rifle of a dead guard beside him. But in his unfocused shot at Pellam, he missed, and instead ignited the gas tank behind him. Little did Balin know, Pellam was a weapons dealer, and the explosion that followed would be remembered forever: the dolorous shot. For beneath the house lay a massive stash of weapons of mass destruction, and the explosion ignited them. The blast destroyed the palace adn exterminated all life within a ten mile radius, except for Balin who remained in a trance among the ruins.
Narrator: Three days later Merlin appeared and roused Balin from his trance.
Merlin:
(calmly) Wake up, Balin. You must go from here.
Narrator:
Balin gathered his strength and travelled the wasteland created by the explosion. Everywhere was death and destruction, and those who lay dying cursed him with their last breaths. Lost in the wasteland, on the verge of starvation and dehydration, he came to the outskirts of an encampment, where he was greeted by a stranger.
Local:
Hello, traveler.
Balin:
Who are you?
Local:
Just a local. A friend. A warning. Here we can give you rest, food, warmth, and water. But you must challenge the lord of this place for his position. This man bears a red mask as a symbol of his position. You must kill him or he must kill you.
Balin:
I have no fear of this “man in a red mask.”
Narrator:
Balin entered the encampment and brought himself before the masked lord. Without warning Balin drew his magical pistol and fired several times into the man’s gut. The man crumpled on the floor in great pain and Balin then tore off his mask. He was speechless when he saw who this man was: his brother, Balan.
Balan:
(dying) You’ve killed me, Brother. Just like you, I had come to this camp and murdered the previous lord for this.
Balin:
(crying) I had not realised...! Brother, wait!
Narrator:
Yet Balan had already expired.
Balin:
(sobbing now) Balan! Alas… at last, this cursed weapon has fulfilled the prophecy.
Narrator:
Balin picked up the weapon, and, his hand shaking, loaded the trigger. Knowing he had nothing left to live for, he placed the gun to the side of his head and pulled the trigger.
That night the people of the encampment constructed a tomb over the spot where the bodies lay. Only Balan’s name was inscribed, as they did not know Balin’s name. Merlin drove to the encampment on the morning after the burial and added to the inscription: Here lyeth Balin le saveage, who struck the dolorous stroke.
Narrator:
Merlin then lifted the handgun, replaced it in its rightful holster and threw it into the nearby river. He then stepped back to his car, and drove away.
Meg Calloway
ReplyDeleteLucy Skinner
Le Morte d’ Arthur: The Poisoned Apple Adaptation
Characters:
Narrator
Lancelot -- (Lance)
Guinievere -- (Gwen)
Sir Gawain -- (Gawain)
Sir Patrice -- (Patrick)
Sir Bors -- (Boris)
Sir Mador -- (Mador)
Sir Lyonel -- (Lionel)
Sir Ector -- (Ector)
Nineve “Lady of The Lake” -- (Police Officer)
Sir Pinel -- (Pinel)
King Arthur -- (Arthur)
Lamerok -- (Lindsay (Pinel’s Girlfriend))
Sorority Girls
Frat Boys
Summary/Plot:
The knights return from the Holy Grail quest, and Launcelot returns to the bed chamber of his lover, Guinevere, who grew jealous while he was gone, kicks him out, in fear that he was with other women and in fear of a scandal in the court. Launcelot is heartbroken after his banishment, summons his best friends, Sir Ector, Sir Lyonel, and Sir Bors, whom he tells everything. They tell him not to be discourage, that he is the greatest knight alive and the women are inherently changeable. Launcelot feels the queen will not let him return, but Bors states that she has often forgiven him. Guinevere arranges a feast for the knights of the round table to show she is not upset. To honor her guests she has a splendid banquet, including Gawain’s favorite, apples. Sir Pinel had secretly poisoned some of them beforehand. The first to have an apple was Sir Patrice, who ate it and died. The guests rose in horror, and Gawain said that it was Guinevere that prepared the feast, so she must be the culprit. Arthur is grief stricken because the punishment for treason is burning at the stake, and feels she is innocent, but can’t convince the others. She denies being guilty. Sir Mador says he will fight against her. Launcelot is not in the court, so she must ask Sir Bors to defend her. He agrees, because no other knight will. They prepare for battle, and if Mador won, they would burn her. When at jousting field, Launcelot shows up and takes Bors place but no one knows who he is. Launcelot wins the joust and fight savagely for an hour before winning and Mador begs for mercy. He reveals identity and the queen congratulates him. She then weeps for shame and forgives him. Lady of the Lake appears and informs them the true culprit was Sir Pinel, who was trying to kill Gawain as vengeance of the murder of Lamerok. Mador wants to make up with the queen.
Setting:
College Campus/ Frat Party
PART 1:
ReplyDeleteNarrator: Gwen waited at the campus bus station for the return of the Camelot College Knight’s football team from their victorious championship game. She was anxious to see Lance--her boyfriend, Arthur’s, best friend, and the guy she was secretly seeing. She sat quietly, listening to the other girlfriends’ annoying chatter. Normally she would have joined in gossiping with the other sorority girls, but something her friend Morgan had told her had been irking her all day.
Sorority girl: The boys are back!! Look, the bus is here!
Narrator: The football players piled out of the bus, sweaty and tired, but pumping their fists in celebration as they greeted their ladies. Gwen spots Arthur, waving at her.
Arthur: Gwen, hey!
Narrator: Arthur gives her a big hug and peck on the cheek. She gave him a tentative smile, but out of the corner of her eye was searching for Lance.
Arthur: A’ight. I’mma go celebrate with ma boys. Catch you later?
Gwen: (Cutesy) Sure thing, babe!
Narrator: Gwen then spots Lance and pulls him to the side. They both check to see no one was looking. Luckily, everyone’s attention was elsewhere--including Arthur’s.
Lance: (Whispers) How are you? I missed you a lot.
Gwen: (Angrily/ Sassy) Yeah right! Morgan told me ALL about you and that cheerleader at the game! How could you, Lance? Seriously?
Lance: (Shocked) What? Why would you believe Le Fay? Everyone knows she’s a sociopath. I would never do that to you.
Gwen: Stop lying to me! (Sniffles) I can’t believe you cheated on me. (Begins to wail)
Lance: (Mad) Are you kidding me? You’re such a hypocrite!
Gwen: (Gasps) I. Am. Not. (Hysterical) I hate you, Lance. You’re a jerk and I never want to see you again.
Lance: But...
Gwen: Talk to the hand!
Narrator: Lance stood still, his mouth agape, as Gwen stomped back to her car and sped away. Sullenly, he went to join his team members in celebration, though he was shaking in anger. He then turns to Arthur.
Lance: Look man, I’m not feeling all that great. I’mma peace. But you guys have fun.
Arthur: (Disappointed) Dang man, catch ya later.
Narrator: The two friends pound their fists before going their separate ways.
PART 2:
Narrator: At the campus pizza parlor, the Camelot Knights celebrated their win. Arthur laughed with Gawain as his team members chattered on. Noticing his phone was vibrating, he reached into his back pocket; he had a text. He read it quickly and grew excited.
Arthur: Yo! Men! I’ve got an announcement.
Narrator: The team quieted quickly and listened to their Captain.
Gawain: What’s up bro?
Arthur: Gwen is throwing a sick party tonight at the Kappa house to celebrate. Are you boys in?
Boris: Duh! Gwen’s parties are the best. And those Kappa girls are so hot.
ReplyDeleteNarrator: The team chuckled.
Team: (Laughs in agreement)
Ector: Maybe our boy Gawain here can actually get some tonight! (Laughs)
Patrick: (Chuckles) Hey man! Leave the kid alone. His last girl brought him a bunch of drama...right, Pinel?
Pinel: (Angry) Can we not talk about that?
Gawain: Yeah...it’s old news. (Laughs nervously)
Narrator: Everyone knew that earlier in the year, Gawain had a fling with Pinel’s girlfriend Lindsay. There was serious drama when Pinel found out, resulting in Gawain getting his face smashed by Pinel in the locker room. Arthur managed to break it up before it got too serious, but Gawain had some pretty serious bruises for a few weeks after. Though they supposedly moved on, Gawain was still nervous around Pinel, and Pinel wasn’t one to forgive and forget easily.
Lionel: (Awkwardly) Anyway...did Gwen say if she’s got drinks set up?
Arthur: Uhm, yeah. I’ll pick up a keg, no probs.
Mador: We need the good stuff man. Our victory was epic today.
Gawain: (Excitedly) Oooh! Can you get some apple shnops too? It’s delicious!
Arthur: Dude. You’re a girl.
Pinel: (Mischievously) I’d be happy to pick up the other drinks, boys. (Chuckles evilly)
Arthur: Thanks, man.
Narrator: What the rest of the team did not know was that Pinel had plans to get his revenge on Gawain tonight. He would buy the drinks for the party--including Gawain’s favorite apple flavored drink. He had a connection with a guy on campus who supplied all the frats with “special drugs”. He would just pick up some GHB from him, slip it into Gawain’s drink before the party, and Gawain would be practically unconscious. The plan was perfect!
Pinel: Tonight is gonna be epic...(Chuckles)
PART 3:
Narrator: Midnight struck and the Kappa Fraternity house was buzzing with people and loud music. They started the night with a couple games of beer pong on their special round ping-pong table. Then Gwen emerged, in a dazzling sequined dress, carrying a tray of shots of apple shnops.
Gwen: Now here is the real stuff, just for you Gawain...Gawain?
Narrator: Gwen looked across the room to see Gawain sprawled across the couch, snoring.
Patrick: (Chuckling) Guess he had a couple too many games of beer pong! Oh well, I’ll take the first shot! (Toasts) To the Camelot Knights! (Gulps down the shot, swallows, then collapses on the floor)
Everybody: (Gasp)
Narrator: The music had stopped as the crowd stared dumbfounded at the body of Patrick, then their eyes moved to Gwen, who was frozen stock still.
Gwen: (Hysterically) Patrick. Patrick! PATRICK!! Wake up! This can’t be happening, am I drunk? Or hallucinating? (Buckles over in sobs)
Arthur: (somberly) Well Gwen, it was you who brought the drinks, I mean, I can’t just let this slide. Patrick was my bro, and no
chick gets in the way of my bros.
ReplyDeleteGwen: (Sobbing and in hysterics) I swear I didn’t do it. Arthur please believe me, I would never do this!
Narrator: Gawain awoke to see the crowd in hysterics and Gwen bawling. He asked, groggily, what had happened. Ector told him quickly. He couldn’t believe it.
Lionel: Do you mind telling us what has happened then, Gwen?
Narrator: Mador reached down to check Patrick’s pulse. His eyes grew wide in fear and he gasped aloud.
Mador: (Gasp) Yo...this ain’t right, guys. Pat’s dead. Like...really dead.
Sorority girl: OMG!
Everybody: (Buzzing and talking in shock)
Arthur: (Commanding) Everyone, shut up!
Gawain: Guys, I hate to say this but...Gwen threw the party. She served the drinks. She did it, man!
Narrator: Pinel stood back from the crowd and watched the mess unfold. He was terrified. Had he bought the wrong drugs? He didn’t want anyone to die! He just wanted Gawain to be unconscious. He knew one thing for sure; he could NOT be caught.
Pinel: (Gruffly) Yeah. Gwen must’ve done it.
Lionel: That’s stone cold, girl.
Gwen: (Wails) You all have to believe me!
Ector: Someone call the police! And kick her out of the sorority A.S.A.P.!
Bors: The po-po are on their way.
Arthur: Now hang on. I know this looks bad but Gwen isn’t capable of murder! The only logical answer is that we have a fight. Go medieval on this thing. We get two guys to fight, right? And one will be defending Gwen. It’ll be sick.
Gawain: How the heck will that solve anything?
Arthur: (Unsure) Uh...it will be cool? Besides, the police can sort the rest out. So...who’s gonna fight against Gwen?
Gwen: (Upset) This is a HORRIBLE idea!
Mador: (Excitedly) I’ll do it!
Arthur: Nice. And who’s gonna defend my girl?
Bors: (Unsure) I will?
Arthur: Alrighty then, how bout--
Ector: (Screams) The po-po are here!!
Arthur: Everyone! Quick! To the football field!
Narrator: As the Camelot Police Department barged through the front door of The Kappa fraternity house, the guests fled out the back door, and headed to the football field, leaving poor Patrick’s body on the floor, and Gawain to explain the incident to the authorities.
PART 4:
Narrator: The moon cast shadows across the football field as the party go-ers and team members spread in a circle around Mador and Bors. Bors was stretching his arms when a car pulled up and a dark figure approached. The figure gestured for Bors to talk to him. Quickly, Bors ducked out of the crowds view and went to meet the stranger. The stranger lifted his hood slightly, revealing his face.
Bors: (Whispering, shocked) Lance!? What
are you doing here?
ReplyDeleteLance: I heard what happened to Pat. I can take over for you.
Bors: Are you sure man?
Lance: Don’t worry, I’ve got it.
Narrator: Bors faded into the mass of people as Lance walked through the crowd to the center of the circle. He stepped forward to face Mador, his face hidden in the shadows and fists raised. The crowd murmured in confusion about Bors replacement. No one knew who the hooded stranger was.
Mador took the first punch, and Lance veered to the left expertly dodging him. He twisted around and nailed Mador in the side knocking him off balance. While Mador was staggering for his balance Lance hit him again in the nose, spraying blood everywhere and knocking Mador back into the mud. He gave one last glance as he recognized defeat and collapsed back into the mud. Lance removed his hood and faced Gwen.
Gwen: (Gasp) Lance?! What...Why...How... Thank you!
Lance: It was the least I could do. I know you’re not a killer Gwen. (In whispered undertones) I’m really sorry about earlier, I am telling you Gwen, you are all that matters to me.
Gwen: (Urgent whispers) Not now Lance, meet me later. (High pitch voice) Arthur, where oh where have you gone off too...?
Narrator: In the aftermath of the fight, the students had not noticed the appearance of the police officer, Nineve. She cleared her throat and all eyes turned to her.
Nineve: What has been going on here!? I am glad I arrived before matters got out of hand. Now, about the homicide...we took fingerprints on the shot glasses and found the perpetrator. Gwen, you are free to go.
Gwen: (gratefully) Thank you so much! (Collapses with relief in Arthur’s arms)
Crowd: (Urgently) Who was it?
Nineve: Pinel, please step forward. You have the right to remain silent, anything that you say may be used against you in a court of law. You have the right to an attorney and if you cannot afford one, one will be appointed to you....
Narrator: Nineve’s words trailed off behind her as she led Pinel away in handcuff. The crowd was flabbergasted at the betrayal of their fraternity brother. They understood his motive quickly--Gawain had slept with Lindsay, Pinel’s girlfriend, so this must have been his revenge. Mador then turned to Gwen.
Mador: (somberly) I’m really sorry for fighting against you, I just had no idea what to believe. Friends?
Gwen: It’s okay, I understand. I guess one thing we can learn from this, besides that you should never cheat with one of your brother’s girls, is that you should never take a drink if you don’t know where it has been.
Narrator: The crowd slowly nodded as they pulled their jackets tightly around them and headed to their cars. Then next morning they all went to visit Patrick in the hospital, after a night in the intensive care unit he pulled through and awoke to a crowd of his friends there to greet him.
Gwen: (Bubbly) Oh Patty! I’m so glad you’re okay!
Arthur: Dude, you scared us pretty bad.
Patrick: (Groggily) Yeah...it was a pretty rough knight. Lesson learned--never take a drink from Gwen.
Everyone: (Laughs)
Gwen: That’s not funny.
ReplyDeleteNarrator: Out of the corner of her eye, Gwen saw Lance gesturing for her to follow her out of the room.
Gwen: Erm...Lance and I are gonna run and get you some coffee or something, okay Pat?
Narrator: Before anyone could answer, she and Lance slipped out of the hospital room. Arthur watched them go, a smile on his face.
Arthur: (Happily) Isn’t it great how well they get along?
THE END
Gawain Uwayne and Marhaus
ReplyDeleteMaiden arrives with Mantel from Morgan “I bear this kingly mantle to you as a token of your sister’s apology.”
Nyneve draws Arthur aside quickly “It’s a trap mine lord, you should tell her to wear it before you risk yourself or any of your knights.”
Arthur (to maiden) “Surly you should be the first to try the mantle on.”
The maiden then puts on the mantle, and burst into a blue flame.
Arthur addresses King Uriens. “My sister, your wife has plotted my death, but since Sir Accolon tolod me of her plot to kill you, you are free of guilt. However I cannot trust Morgan’s son, sir Uwayne, so he is banished.
Gawin “If my cousin, Sir Uwayne is banished then so am I, I’ll go with you Uwayne”
Narrator “ Uwayne and Gawain travelled until they reached a castle, where they found a knight, Sir Marhaus”
Sir Marhaus “I challenge you”
Sir Uwayne “I will take the challenge, but Gawain you must avenge me should I fall.
Narrator “They fought then sir Marhaus said”
Marhaus “You are truly knights of great prowess, we should not fight, but be as brothers”
Narrator “ the three knights the journeyed to sir Marhaus’s priory, where they waited a week for their wounds to heal, they then decided to go adventuring together”
Marhaus “in these woods there are always adventure to be had”
Narrator “the knights continued through the woods until they came upon a well with three noble women, one of 60 years, one 30, and one 15 seated around it.”
1st Noble woman “We are here to instruct errant knights on the paths of adventure, each of you shall journey with one of us, then we will all meet back here in one year.
Uwayne “Since I am the youngest of the group, and most lacking in experience I will travel with the oldest of this group.
Marhaus “I shall journey with the lady who is middle in age.
Gawain “And I will go with the youngest, who I shurly would have picked any way, as she is the most beautiful.
Narrator “So the six parted ways.”
“Sir Uwayne and his lady first came upon a tournament, which sir Uwayne won. The Lady then told sir Uwayne of two knights, sir Hewe and sir Edwarde who had extorted the lands of a lady, they then traveled to that castle.”
Narrator “upon hearing the lady’s plight Uwayne said” Uwayne “As I knight of the round table I must help you out of this predicament.
Narrator “The knights were summoned, and Uwayne said””I am here to champion the lady’s cause” However sir Edwarde and sir Hew were disdainful.
Narrator “the next day the three knights fought, after they were all unhorsed sir Uwayne killed sir Edwarde, and sir Hewe agreed to give up the stolen estates, and yield to king Arthur, Sir Uwane spent six months recovering from his wounds.”
Narroator “Sir Gawain and his lady had lodge with an elderly knight on the night of their first day.”
Elderly knight “In the morning I promise there will be an amazing spectacle to see.”
Narrator “The next morning Gawain and the lady witnessed a knight, sir Pelleas, who defeated ten others, he then dismounted, and the others took him prisoner.”
Noble woman “Gawain, you must do something, or are you too afraid to try”
Narrator “then a dwarf rode out of the forest, amd the noblewoman said” “I would surely rather journey with you, as Gawain is too afraid to rescque that knight in distress.”
Narrator “Two knights then rode up, and challenged Gawain, Gawain then fought with one of them, sir Carados, but seemed any even match.”
Sir carados “You are indeed a noble fighter, why don’t you lodge with me tonight.”
Gawain “I will go gladly, but what do you know of a knight fighting ten others, then surrendering.”
Carados “He is Sir Peseaus, who loves those knights commander, though she doesn’t return that love.”
Maiden arrives with Mantel from Morgan “I bear this kingly mantle to you as a token of your sister’s apology.”
ReplyDeleteNyneve draws Arthur aside quickly “It’s a trap mine lord, you should tell her to wear it before you risk yourself or any of your knights.”
Arthur (to maiden) “Surly you should be the first to try the mantle on.”
The maiden then puts on the mantle, and burst into a blue flame.
Arthur addresses King Uriens. “My sister, your wife has plotted my death, but since Sir Accolon tolod me of her plot to kill you, you are free of guilt. However I cannot trust Morgan’s son, sir Uwayne, so he is banished.
Gawin “If my cousin, Sir Uwayne is banished then so am I, I’ll go with you Uwayne”
Narrator “ Uwayne and Gawain travelled until they reached a castle, where they found a knight, Sir Marhaus”
Sir Marhaus “I challenge you”
Sir Uwayne “I will take the challenge, but Gawain you must avenge me should I fall.
Narrator “They fought then sir Marhaus said”
Marhaus “You are truly knights of great prowess, we should not fight, but be as brothers”
Narrator “ the three knights the journeyed to sir Marhaus’s priory, where they waited a week for their wounds to heal, they then decided to go adventuring together”
Marhaus “in these woods there are always adventure to be had”
Narrator “the knights continued through the woods until they came upon a well with three noble women, one of 60 years, one 30, and one 15 seated around it.”
1st Noble woman “We are here to instruct errant knights on the paths of adventure, each of you shall journey with one of us, then we will all meet back here in one year.
Uwayne “Since I am the youngest of the group, and most lacking in experience I will travel with the oldest of this group.
Marhaus “I shall journey with the lady who is middle in age.
Gawain “And I will go with the youngest, who I shurly would have picked any way, as she is the most beautiful.
Narrator “So the six parted ways.”
“Sir Uwayne and his lady first came upon a tournament, which sir Uwayne won. The Lady then told sir Uwayne of two knights, sir Hewe and sir Edwarde who had extorted the lands of a lady, they then traveled to that castle.”
Narrator “upon hearing the lady’s plight Uwayne said” Uwayne “As I knight of the round table I must help you out of this predicament.
Narrator “The knights were summoned, and Uwayne said””I am here to champion the lady’s cause” However sir Edwarde and sir Hew were disdainful.
Narrator “the next day the three knights fought, after they were all unhorsed sir Uwayne killed sir Edwarde, and sir Hewe agreed to give up the stolen estates, and yield to king Arthur, Sir Uwane spent six months recovering from his wounds.”
Narroator “Sir Gawain and his lady had lodge with an elderly knight on the night of their first day.”
Maiden arrives with Mantel from Morgan “I bear this kingly mantle to you as a token of your sister’s apology.”
ReplyDeleteNyneve draws Arthur aside quickly “It’s a trap mine lord, you should tell her to wear it before you risk yourself or any of your knights.”
Arthur (to maiden) “Surly you should be the first to try the mantle on.”
The maiden then puts on the mantle, and burst into a blue flame.
Arthur addresses King Uriens. “My sister, your wife has plotted my death, but since Sir Accolon tolod me of her plot to kill you, you are free of guilt. However I cannot trust Morgan’s son, sir Uwayne, so he is banished.
Gawin “If my cousin, Sir Uwayne is banished then so am I, I’ll go with you Uwayne”
Narrator “ Uwayne and Gawain travelled until they reached a castle, where they found a knight, Sir Marhaus”
Sir Marhaus “I challenge you”
Sir Uwayne “I will take the challenge, but Gawain you must avenge me should I fall.
Narrator “They fought then sir Marhaus said”
Marhaus “You are truly knights of great prowess, we should not fight, but be as brothers”
Narrator “ the three knights the journeyed to sir Marhaus’s priory, where they waited a week for their wounds to heal, they then decided to go adventuring together”
Marhaus “in these woods there are always adventure to be had”
Narrator “the knights continued through the woods until they came upon a well with three noble women, one of 60 years, one 30, and one 15 seated around it.”
1st Noble woman “We are here to instruct errant knights on the paths of adventure, each of you shall journey with one of us, then we will all meet back here in one year.
Uwayne “Since I am the youngest of the group, and most lacking in experience I will travel with the oldest of this group.
Marhaus “I shall journey with the lady who is middle in age.
Gawain “And I will go with the youngest, who I shurly would have picked any way, as she is the most beautiful.
Narrator “So the six parted ways.”
ReplyDelete“Sir Uwayne and his lady first came upon a tournament, which sir Uwayne won. The Lady then told sir Uwayne of two knights, sir Hewe and sir Edwarde who had extorted the lands of a lady, they then traveled to that castle.”
Narrator “upon hearing the lady’s plight Uwayne said” Uwayne “As I knight of the round table I must help you out of this predicament.
Narrator “The knights were summoned, and Uwayne said””I am here to champion the lady’s cause” However sir Edwarde and sir Hew were disdainful.
Narrator “the next day the three knights fought, after they were all unhorsed sir Uwayne killed sir Edwarde, and sir Hewe agreed to give up the stolen estates, and yield to king Arthur, Sir Uwane spent six months recovering from his wounds.”
Narroator “Sir Gawain and his lady had lodge with an elderly knight on the night of their first day.”
Elderly knight “In the morning I promise there will be an amazing spectacle to see.”
Narrator “The next morning Gawain and the lady witnessed a knight, sir Pelleas, who defeated ten others, he then dismounted, and the others took him prisoner.”
Noble woman “Gawain, you must do something, or are you too afraid to try”
Narrator “then a dwarf rode out of the forest, amd the noblewoman said” “I would surely rather journey with you, as Gawain is too afraid to rescque that knight in distress.”
Narrator “Two knights then rode up, and challenged Gawain, Gawain then fought with one of them, sir Carados, but seemed any even match.”
Sir carados “You are indeed a noble fighter, why don’t you lodge with me tonight.”
Gawain “I will go gladly, but what do you know of a knight fighting ten others, then surrendering.”
Carados “He is Sir Peseaus, who loves those knights commander, though she doesn’t return that love.”
Narrator “The next day Sir Gawain and sir Caradoswent to find sir Pelleas “
Sir Pelleus “Gawain, you are a noble knight, can you help me win the haert of my lady, the lady Ettrade.”
Gawain “I can try, I will unfreeze her heart, then she might fshe you and return your love.”
Narrator “So Sir Gawain went to the Lady Ettrade, and pretended to have killed sir Pelleus, the lady then fell in love with Gawain. “Sir Pelleus came to the see Ettrade, but was distraught to see her with Gawain.” The lady Nyneve was ridding by sir Peleus’s pavilion, and decided to fix is poor state. She put Pelleus in a deep sleep, then put a spell of love on Ettrade, she brought Ettrade to Peleus, and woke him.”
Pelleus “Vile woman, I never want to see you again.”
Narrator “Sir Pelleus then rode away from the land, and Nyneve realized she was destined to love sir Pelleus. The lady Ettrade died of a broke heart. Sir Marhaus and his lady first came upon the castle of a duke.”
Duke “You may stay thing night, but you may regret it in the morning, for I am a sworn enemy of king Arthur, and you must fight me and my sons.”
Narrator “The next morning Marhaus met the duke and his six sons one the field of battle. they proved no match for him, and he unhorsed the duke and rushed on him.”
Marhaus “Yield no or I will kill you.”
Duke “I will yeild, and so will my sons, we will even swear allegiance to king Arthur, for you are truely a great knight.
Narrator “SIr Marhaus continued to his journey, he won a tournament, the came upon an Eardom in chaos.”
Earl “I am besiged by a mighty giant, can you help me fight him.”
Marhaus “Iwill, I shall fight him on foot, just as he fights.”
Narrator “the gian t weilded a mighty club, from which Gawain took great injuries, however he was able to triumph. He spend six months as the Earl’s guest to recover. After the year was up, and all injuries had been healed the three Knights, and two ladies met at the well in the forest. King Arthur, having dearly missed his cousin had sent a messenger six months earlier, so the knights journed togather back to Camelot, where they were warmly welcomed by Arthur.”
Narrator “So the six parted ways.”
ReplyDelete“Sir Uwayne and his lady first came upon a tournament, which sir Uwayne won. The Lady then told sir Uwayne of two knights, sir Hewe and sir Edwarde who had extorted the lands of a lady, they then traveled to that castle.”
Narrator “upon hearing the lady’s plight Uwayne said” Uwayne “As I knight of the round table I must help you out of this predicament.
Narrator “The knights were summoned, and Uwayne said””I am here to champion the lady’s cause” However sir Edwarde and sir Hew were disdainful.
Narrator “the next day the three knights fought, after they were all unhorsed sir Uwayne killed sir Edwarde, and sir Hewe agreed to give up the stolen estates, and yield to king Arthur, Sir Uwane spent six months recovering from his wounds.”
Narroator “Sir Gawain and his lady had lodge with an elderly knight on the night of their first day.”
Elderly knight “In the morning I promise there will be an amazing spectacle to see.”
Narrator “The next morning Gawain and the lady witnessed a knight, sir Pelleas, who defeated ten others, he then dismounted, and the others took him prisoner.”
Noble woman “Gawain, you must do something, or are you too afraid to try”
Narrator “then a dwarf rode out of the forest, amd the noblewoman said” “I would surely rather journey with you, as Gawain is too afraid to rescque that knight in distress.”
Narrator “Two knights then rode up, and challenged Gawain, Gawain then fought with one of them, sir Carados, but seemed any even match.”
Sir carados “You are indeed a noble fighter, why don’t you lodge with me tonight.”
Gawain “I will go gladly, but what do you know of a knight fighting ten others, then surrendering.”
Carados “He is Sir Peseaus, who loves those knights commander, though she doesn’t return that love.”
Narrator “The next day Sir Gawain and sir Caradoswent to find sir Pelleas “
Sir Pelleus “Gawain, you are a noble knight, can you help me win the haert of my lady, the lady Ettrade.”
Gawain “I can try, I will unfreeze her heart, then she might fshe you and return your love.”
Narrator “So Sir Gawain went to the Lady Ettrade, and pretended to have killed sir Pelleus, the lady then fell in love with Gawain. “Sir Pelleus came to the see Ettrade, but was distraught to see her with Gawain.” The lady Nyneve was ridding by sir Peleus’s pavilion, and decided to fix is poor state. She put Pelleus in a deep sleep, then put a spell of love on Ettrade, she brought Ettrade to Peleus, and woke him.”
Pelleus “Vile woman, I never want to see you again.”
Narrator “Sir Pelleus then rode away from the land, and Nyneve realized she was destined to love sir Pelleus. The lady Ettrade died of a broke heart. Sir Marhaus and his lady first came upon the castle of a duke.”
Duke “You may stay thing night, but you may regret it in the morning, for I am a sworn enemy of king Arthur, and you must fight me and my sons.”
Narrator “The next morning Marhaus met the duke and his six sons one the field of battle. they proved no match for him, and he unhorsed the duke and rushed on him.”
Marhaus “Yield no or I will kill you.”
Duke “I will yeild, and so will my sons, we will even swear allegiance to king Arthur, for you are truely a great knight.
Narrator “SIr Marhaus continued to his journey, he won a tournament, the came upon an Eardom in chaos.”
Narrator “So the six parted ways.”
ReplyDelete“Sir Uwayne and his lady first came upon a tournament, which sir Uwayne won. The Lady then told sir Uwayne of two knights, sir Hewe and sir Edwarde who had extorted the lands of a lady, they then traveled to that castle.”
Narrator “upon hearing the lady’s plight Uwayne said” Uwayne “As I knight of the round table I must help you out of this predicament.
Narrator “The knights were summoned, and Uwayne said””I am here to champion the lady’s cause” However sir Edwarde and sir Hew were disdainful.
Narrator “the next day the three knights fought, after they were all unhorsed sir Uwayne killed sir Edwarde, and sir Hewe agreed to give up the stolen estates, and yield to king Arthur, Sir Uwane spent six months recovering from his wounds.”
Narroator “Sir Gawain and his lady had lodge with an elderly knight on the night of their first day.”
Elderly knight “In the morning I promise there will be an amazing spectacle to see.”
Narrator “The next morning Gawain and the lady witnessed a knight, sir Pelleas, who defeated ten others, he then dismounted, and the others took him prisoner.”
Noble woman “Gawain, you must do something, or are you too afraid to try”
Narrator “then a dwarf rode out of the forest, amd the noblewoman said” “I would surely rather journey with you, as Gawain is too afraid to rescque that knight in distress.”
Narrator “Two knights then rode up, and challenged Gawain, Gawain then fought with one of them, sir Carados, but seemed any even match.”
Sir carados “You are indeed a noble fighter, why don’t you lodge with me tonight.”
Gawain “I will go gladly, but what do you know of a knight fighting ten others, then surrendering.”
Carados “He is Sir Peseaus, who loves those knights commander, though she doesn’t return that love.”
Narrator “The next day Sir Gawain and sir Caradoswent to find sir Pelleas “
ReplyDeleteSir Pelleus “Gawain, you are a noble knight, can you help me win the haert of my lady, the lady Ettrade.”
Gawain “I can try, I will unfreeze her heart, then she might fshe you and return your love.”
Narrator “So Sir Gawain went to the Lady Ettrade, and pretended to have killed sir Pelleus, the lady then fell in love with Gawain. “Sir Pelleus came to the see Ettrade, but was distraught to see her with Gawain.” The lady Nyneve was ridding by sir Peleus’s pavilion, and decided to fix is poor state. She put Pelleus in a deep sleep, then put a spell of love on Ettrade, she brought Ettrade to Peleus, and woke him.”
Pelleus “Vile woman, I never want to see you again.”
Narrator “Sir Pelleus then rode away from the land, and Nyneve realized she was destined to love sir Pelleus. The lady Ettrade died of a broke heart. Sir Marhaus and his lady first came upon the castle of a duke.”
Duke “You may stay thing night, but you may regret it in the morning, for I am a sworn enemy of king Arthur, and you must fight me and my sons.”
Narrator “The next morning Marhaus met the duke and his six sons one the field of battle. they proved no match for him, and he unhorsed the duke and rushed on him.”
Marhaus “Yield no or I will kill you.”
Duke “I will yeild, and so will my sons, we will even swear allegiance to king Arthur, for you are truely a great knight.
Narrator “SIr Marhaus continued to his journey, he won a tournament, the came upon an Eardom in chaos.”
Earl “I am besiged by a mighty giant, can you help me fight him.”
Marhaus “Iwill, I shall fight him on foot, just as he fights.”
Narrator “the gian t weilded a mighty club, from which Gawain took great injuries, however he was able to triumph. He spend six months as the Earl’s guest to recover. After the year was up, and all injuries had been healed the three Knights, and two ladies met at the well in the forest. King Arthur, having dearly missed his cousin had sent a messenger six months earlier, so the knights journed togather back to Camelot, where they were warmly welcomed by Arthur.”
THE TALE OF THE SANGREAL.
ReplyDeleteby Sir Thomas Mallory
Condensed by Katherine Bradley and Elizabeth Smith
Characters:
Sir Galahad
Sir Gawain
Sir Percival
Sir Bors
Sir Melias
Sir Ector
Sir Lionel
Sir Bagdemagus
King Arthur
Holy Man
Holy VOICE
maidens (misc.)
Saracen King
PART ONE
ACT ONE, scene one.
THE DEPARTURE:
arthur, lancelot, maiden, galahad, gawain, percival,
Maiden: Launcelot, oh please come with me and knight a worthy young man.
Launcelot: My lady, I shall accompany you!
Narrator: Launcelot and the maiden ride through the forest, to the castle of King Pellas. He was greeted by his cousins, Sir Bors and SIr Lionel.
(enter Galahad)
Launcelot: (to himself, aside from the others) I have never seen a young man of such extraordinary physical beauty and dovelike modesty....
Galahad: Sir, I’ve grown up with nuns my whole life, and I wish to be knighted - and you’re the only one who can do it.
Launcelot: It would be my honor to do so.
Narrator: Galahad was then knighted, and Launcelot returned to Camelot, and Galahad eventually followed.
PLACE CHANGE, at Camelot.
Arthur: Look at the Siege Perilous, the glowing writing must be a sign that a worthy knight will fill it today.
(Knights around the table gasp)
Messenger: My King!!! I have a tale to tell you and the court. There is a sword in a floating stone, and only the best knight in the world may grasp it’s pommel. But if the man tries and fails, a grievious wound will be inflicted upon him later.
Arthur: Ah! the best knight in the world? It must be Launcelot!
Launcelot: No my lord. I am not worthy of this honor.
Arthur: Well then, it must be Gawain! Gawain, you must pull the sword from the floating rock.
Gawain: If my king wants me too...
Launcelot: There’s a curse on retched rock!
Gawain: Arghhhhhhh! I am cursed. But as you asked me to undertake the challenge, my lord, I accept it.
(ENTER GALAHAD)
Galahad: Hello my Liege, and fellow knights. I come to this court to ask for acceptance into the Round Table.
Arthur: You may, but first prove yourself as a worthy knight by sitting in this chair, and taking this sword out of the floating stone.
(Galahad does this. Court gasps)
knights: (to each other) Surely this great knight will be the one to win the holy grail! For no one has sat in the Siege Perilous!
Knights: Now that we have found the best knight in the land, we are ready to embark on the quest to find the Holy Grail!!
Arthur: If that is so, we must feast!!! we shall have a tournament, and Galahad shall further prove himself.
Narrator: And so, a great tournament was held at Camelot, in which Galahad jousted without a shield, and proved himself brilliantly. The Grail Quest was soon to begin.
Narrator: At the feast that night, the knights stood back in awe as they saw a vision of the Holy Grail shining in King Arthur’s court. They soon departed to begin their quest of the HOLY GRAIL.
PART 2
ReplyDeleteSCENE 2: the Miracles
Narrator: Sir Bagdemagus and Sir Galahad set out together and encountered an abbey, where said a great shield was kept awaiting the greatest knight in the world. Sir Bagdemagus first took the shield and rode out, yet too soon he returned with a mortal wound.
Sir Bagdemagus: (to Galahad) Sir I think this shield belongs to you alone.
Galahad: thank you my dear friend.
Narrator: Galahad then rode out with his squire, who asked to be knighted. Galahad grants his request, and the squire became Sir Melias. They ride on, until they came to a fork in the road. The left fork would lead to knightly prowess, and the right fork would lead to realization of personal virtue. Galahad chose the right path, and Melias went down the left one. Melias found a crown on the ground, and then picked a fight with two knights and became mortally injured, and so was forced to leave sir Galahad. Galahad continued on, and encountered Launcelot and Percival. He unhorsed them both, and left quickly, leaving Launcelot to ponder his meaning in life.
Launcelot: I have realized my sins from an enlightening dream, and I need to worship God more frequently, and be a better man.
SCENE THREE: Sir Launcelot
Narrator: After Launcelot had helped cure himself of his sins, he had vivid dreams of himself as a sinful knight, and Galahad the most pure knight.
He then rode on to a castle where a tournament was held, with black knights versus white.
Launcelot: I shall take with the black knights, for they are the weaker.
Narrator: The black knights failed though, and an old man came to Launcelot after.
Old Man: You are a sinner! You help the lesser side to give yourself more honor and look the better! You are now destined to fail in your quest of the Holy Grail.
SCENE FOUR: Sir Gawain
Gawain: Sir Ector! thank goodness I found you. I’ve been riding alone for so long with no words of the others!
Ector: Gawain! it is good to see you. It is getting late, shall we find shelter?
Narrator: Gawain and Ector found an abandoned abbey, and soon fell asleep.
Gawain: Ector, I had the strangest dream. I dreamt of three white bullls tied to a tree with thick rope.
Ector: I had a strange dream too - I dreamt I rode with launcelot, and he fell off his horse onto a donkey. He was clothed in rags.
VOICE: SIR KNIGHTS - YOU ARE FULL OF SIN AND EVIL BELIEF.
Ector and Gawain: What was that - and look, a floating hand carrying a bridle! We should probably leave this place.
Narrator: Gawain and Ector embarked on their journey, and on the way, they accidentely killed a fellow round table knight, Sir Ywain. Gawain and Ector go on to find a hermitage. A holy man there told them that the reason Gawain had no adventures was because he was a murderer, and he should repent. ( Gawain stalks off and leaves.)
Gawain: (snottily) I have no time for this.
Ector: Gawain, wait! (runs to catch up)
PART 3
ReplyDeleteSCENE 5: Sir Bors
Narrator: Sir Bors on his quest encountered a lady who asked him to fight for her. He agreed and fought the man. He won easily, and continued on, when suddenly he saw a stirring sight.
Sir Bors: My God! There is Sir Lionel bound and about to be whipped with thorns, yet far over there, there is a poor women about to be raped! I’m sorry Lionel, but the lady calls!
narrator: Sir Bors prayed for Sir Lionel, and saved the lady from death or worse. A holy man came to him right after.
Holy man: You have chosen well Sir Bors, for Lionel was was a sinful knight, yet the lady was pure as a lily, so you made the right decision.
Narrator: Just then Sir Lionel appeared and charged Sir Bors!
Lionel: This is for not coming to my aid! AHHHHHHHH! (battle cry)
Narrator: suddenly Sir Bors was saved by the Holy man, who had jumped in front of Sir Bors to save his life.
Holy man: (in a dying voice) Go Sir Bors and complete your quest. I go to the good lord now.... ahhhhh (and dies)
SCENE 6: Galahad
Narrator: Sir Galahad comes across a castle, where a battle is raging. He immediately helps the weaker side. Yet, he gave Sir Gawain, who was fighting on the opposite side, the worst wound of his life as Launcelot had predicted with the curse.
Galahad: I am sorry my sir, but I cannot stop here.
Narrator: He continues to another castle, where a lady meets him.
lady: follow me to the highest adventure any knight has ever seen.
Narrator: they find a splendidly adorned empty ship, the ship of faith.
Lady: only steadfast believers and the non- sinners are safe there. Are you brave and pure enough to test it?
Galahad: I am. I would be glad to die if I am found tainted.
Look here! there is a crown and a sword! I shall try my luck.
Narrator: Galahad proved the only worthy one to take the sword, and as he exited the ship a voice sounded from above.
Voice: GALAHAD. YOU WILL BE SEPARATED FROM THOSE YOU KNOW TILL YOU REACH THE HALL OF PELHAM, AND THE MAIMED KING.
Galahad: I will go at once then!
SCENE 7: The Castle of Corbenic (at sea is both Galahad and Launcelot)
Galahad: LAUNCELOT!! Over here! Men send up a flare! Oh the ship is turning round.
(Launcelot’s ship returns and Galahad boards it)
Galahad: How good it is to see you Sir Launcelot. Shall we continue on together?
Launcelot: I would like nothing more
Narrator: Half a year passed, and when Launcelot’s ship had landed at a port one day, a white knight appeared with a horse for Galahad, saying that it was time to part company with Launcelot. Then a voice from above sounded.
Voice: UNTIL JUDGEMENT DAY GALAHAD AND LAUNCELOT SHALL NOT MEET AGAIN.
Narrator: separated, Launcelot continued onto the Castle Corbenic, where the grail was.
Launcelot: Oh my lord! I see it! I have found it!
Narrator: at that moment lightning flashed and struck Launcelot down.
Launcelot: AHHHHHHH
Narrator: He stayed in a coma for 24 days, each day for a year of his life that he had sinned. After he returned to Camelot defeated. It was now up to Galahad to complete the quest.
PART FOUR
ReplyDeleteSCENE 8: THE MIRACLE OF GALAHAD.
Galahad: Percival, Bors! At last I have found you! shall we all ride on to the Castle Corbenic together!
Bors/Percival: Yes! Let us commence our journey.
Narrator: Galahad, Percival, and Bors reached the Castle Corbenic. there, they saw many wondrous things, and Gawain healed the maimed King Pellas
Pellas: Thank you good knight, you are truly the best man I have ever met!
Galahad: No problem!
VOICE: KNIGHTS. RETURN TO YOUR SHIP AND YOU WILL WITNESS A MIRACLE.
Knights: Let’s go then!
Narrator: The three knights reached their ship, where they found the Holy Grail.
VOICE: GALAHAD, SINCE YOU HAVE PROVEN YOURSELF WORTHY, YOU MAY CHOOSE YOUR TIME OF DEATH.
Galahad: Thanks so much.
Narrator: After finding the Grail, the three knights began their journey back to Camelot. On their way, they were captured by a Saracen, and thrown into prison in the city of Saras. Yet they experienced no discomfort, as the Grail provided elaborate feasts.
Saracen King: Ack, I am sick. I must repent and recall the knights from prison and ask for their forgiveness.
(knights enter)
Galahad: We forgive you, may you rest in peace
King: aaaaaaah (dies)
VOICE: GALAHAD. BY THE POWER OF HEAVEN, YOU SHALL RULE SARAS.
Galahad: Thanks, but I’d rather join you in heaven. i think iIm ready to die.
VOICE: VERY WELL, YOU SHALL BE SEATED AT THE RIGHT HAND OF THE FATHER OF THE HOLY GHOST. YOU SHALL JOIN US NOW.
Galahad: Thank you (dies peacefully)
Percival: Bors, whatever shall we do?
Bors: I will return to King Arthur’s court.
Percival: very well, I will become a hermit.
(they part ways forever)
Narrator: And so, King Arthur’s Round table was thus diminished, and would never rise again to it’s previous glory.
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ReplyDeleteNarator: King Melodayas, was once a knightly king. However, when his wife was with child, he was tricked by a sorceress, and held captive by her.
ReplyDeleteWife: O dear! Were could my husband be!?! Nurse, come with me we must find him.
His wife ran into the woods, searching for him to no avail, however, the stress caused her to give birth to her son. The son was fine, but the stress caused King Melodayas wife to get a fever, and die, shortly after naming the child Tristam. The nurse took the child, and fled back to castle, fearing he might get the fever. King Melodayus was heart broken. But he soon remaried the daugther of the King Howell of Britany, and had sons with her. The queen was jealous however of Tristam, and wanted him dead so that her own son would become king.
Queen: Oh, that brat! Preventing my children from getting their inheritence! Well, we can fix that!
Narator: The queen mixed water and poison, and put them in a silver cup in the nursery, knowing Tristam would drink. However instead, her own son drank it.
Queens son: Look at the glass of water... And I am sooooo thirsty.. GLUG! AH MY THROAT IT BURNS!
Queen: (horrified) My son is dead! (Angry) Tristam, this is all your fault! YOU WILL PAY!
The queen set out a second glass with poison in it. Yet again, things failed to go according to plan.
King Melodayas: Ah, a long day of hunting in the forest. And I’m so thirsty..... Say look at this cup of water. Well, I’ll refill it after I get a drink.
The queen walking by, was horrified, and leapt forward, smashing the cup out of his hands.
King Melodayas: What was that for?
Narator: Suddenly, the king grew suspicious.
King Melodayas: WHAT WAS IN THE GOBLET? TELL ME WRENCH!
Queen: P-p-poison...
King Melodayas: (angrily) You poisoned our son? Well, you burn IN FLAMES!
Tristam: Please don’t burn my step mother. Christ says we should forgive others.
King: Well, since you asked so nicely.
Narator: Tristam however, was soon sent to France, where he learned all the arts of being a gentlemen, such as how to play the harp, write music, hunt, and the art of warfare. IE, nothing remotely practical unless you a knight, king, or nobleman.
Tristam: I’m back from France!
Narator: However, some very interesting and long winded things had been happening while he was gone, involving the highly complex socioeconomic relations between Ireland and Cornwall, stemming from wars and other such atrocity’s However, said events can be summarize as such.
King Mark owned King Angwhyshance money, and did not want to pay. He had challenged the king of ireland to a duel between champions, winner take all. King Angwhyshance had gotten Sir Mathus, the second greatest knight of the round table, to fight for him. This could not remotely good for King Mark. Tristam soon learned of this.
Tristam: Hmmm.... looks like King Mark has a problem.
King Melodayus: Yes. Such a pity no one will fight Sir Marthus.
Narator: It was true that no one had come forward to fight Sir Marthus, for a reason similer to why you don’t challange a Cheetah to a race.
Tristam:If I was a knight, I could challenge him.
Melodayus: Yes you could.
Tristam: (Coughs) (Slow, blatant) If I was a KNIGHT, I could challenge him.
Melodayus: Are you saying you want to be a knight:
ReplyDeleteTristam: YES. I am.
Melodayus: Well, if you can find someone to knight you, I wish you luck! Try not to get killed, okay?
Tristam: Yes!
Tristam then ran to King Mark, and persuaded Mark to knight him. Then he got his gear. Unfortunately, their was a tiny crack on his sword.
Tristam: Thats everything! I’m ready!
King Mark: You sure that tiny little crack is okay, and not a massive piece of foreshadowing that will end up coming back to tear you away from the women you love the most?
Narator: Tristam however, was wearing heavy metal helmet, and did not hear him.
Tristam: I will fight for the glory of Cornwall, and to free it from the tyrannical rule of the evil Ireland.
Sir Marthus: I will fight for Cornell, and for the money that King Mark owes.
Narator: They fought and fought, but finally, Tristam smashed Sir Marthus so hard with his sword, that the cracked part snapped off the sword, and embedded itself into Sir Marthus skull. Sir Marthus fled, and later died. His wife took the part of the sword embedded in his brain out, and vowed revenge.
King Mark: Sir Tristam! You've done it! You beat him! He's running away..... Um.... You don't look much better.
Narator: Sir Marthus was however a coward, and he had a poisoned spear, of which he had wounded Tristam with. However, Tristam did not die, but he did not get better much faster. Eventually, however, a women physician arrived, and announced that the poison could only be cured in the land where the poison had come from. So Tristam and his tutor Governyle, set off at once for Ireland, home of the Geat- wrong story. Anyway…. They finally arrived.
Governayle: How will you get the antidote sir?
Tristam: Don't worry. I have a brilliant plan. I will play songs that these Irish have never heard on my harp, until there king is so impressed, that he invites me to his palace, and gives me the antidote.
Governayle: Brilliant! But… you better not give him your real name!
Tristam: Thats no problem at all! I have carefully chosen a new name, so clever yet intricately connected to my real name that no one could ever possibly realize my real name!
Governayle: What is this system?
Tristam: I will use my name. Spelled… BACKWARDS!
Goverayle: Brilliant Sir!
Narator: This being a classical story and all, Tristam's plan went exactly as he though, but with one tiny unexpected detail. The doctor who was assigned to cure his wound, was in fact, the kings daughter, Iseult the Fair, who was very beautiful, even if her face never launched 1000 ships. So she helped Tristam, who taught her how to play the harp, and Lo and Behold, the two fell deeply in love. However, Sir Palomides loved her as well, and persuaded her father to hold a tournament, the winner would get Iseult.
Sir Palomides: Well, lets see. I beat Gawain, Dodynas, Kay, Gryfllet, Agravanyne, the King of Scotland, and the King of 100 Knights... Wait... does that mean what I think it does? YES! I WI-
Narator: At that exact moment however, a knight on a white horse, in shining armor, charged onto the field to challenge Sir Palomides, and beat him so badly, that he fled in shame and left the field.
This was of course, Sir Tristim, who won the tornament, and forced Sir Palomides to stop courting Iseult the fair, and to give up his weapons for a day and year.
Bei Dai and Shepard Emerson
ReplyDeleteThe Gangsters Torelli and Pellinini
INTRODUCTION
Godfather: It is time for you to find a wife, Art. Have you seen a girl you like?
Art: There is. Gwen, the daughter of Lodacini. She’s bangin’!
Godfather: She most certainly is, but you could do better. She is destined to get with Lance, but if you really want to marry her, I can tell Lodacini for you.
Narrator: Godfather travels to Lodacini’s castle and tells of Art’s wishes.
Godfather: My boy Art wishes to marry your daughter, Gwen.
Lodacini: What do you offer?
Godfather: I have with me three pounds of fine white powder.
Lodacini: Good. I accept.
Narrator: Art and Gwen are wedded and Lodacini gives Art a massive round table as a gift. Godfather then travels the streets looking for suitable mobsters to fill the seats of the table, and finds twenty-eight. After seating all of the mobsters, three places are left blank.
(Later, in Art’s basement)
Vagabond: I have an elephantine request to make. Will you make my son Torelli a mobster?
Art: That most certainly is a large request. Whose wish was it that your son should become a gangster?
Vagabond: I have thirteen sons, and all of them beg with me but Torelli, who refused to. He always practiced with his pistol and shotgun and ran off to watch illegal fight tournaments. He has wanted this his whole life.
Art: I would like to see his brothers first.
Narrator: Torelli’s brothers are sent for, and Art notices that all look like their father but Torelli – he is large, has fine features, and has a fearless expression.
Art: Torelli, do you have a pistol?
Torelli: I do, sire.
Art: Give it to me, kneel down, and request to become a part of this brotherhood.
(Art inducts Torelli, Godfather appears)
Art: Godfather, have I done the right thing?
Godfather: You have, because Torelli is actually Pellinini’s son.
Art: How? This Vagabond claims to be his father. Prove it to me.
Godfather: Send for his mother.
Narrator: Torelli’s mother is sent for and comes in. Godfather asks her about Torelli.
Mother: Before I was married, I went down to the laundromat. A stern mobster came up to me and made love to me, and Torelli was conceived. The mobster took my laundry detergent and told me it would remind him of Torelli.
Vagabond: I wish this was not so, but it explains why Torelli is so different from me and my other sons.
Godfather: Torelli, your real father was an important mob leader. You shall be honored and win fame as a mobster of the Round Table.
WEDDING
ReplyDeleteNarrator: The day of the wedding for Art and Gwen arrives. Gwen is crowned queen by the Archbishop of Canterbury. After the wedding, Art and Gwen return to the Round Table for the reception.
Art: Godfather, why does that chair say “B.A.M.F.” on it?
Godfather: That is the seat reserved for the greatest mobster in the city. Anyone else who sits in the seat will be destroyed.
Narrator: Suddenly, a white Ford Mustang crashes into the hall followed by a truck full of white powder. In an effort to escape, the Mustang runs over a mobster. Angrily, the mobster seizes the driver of the truck and drives out of the hall with the powder.
Escort: Art, sire, please pursue the mobster with all the powder! I need it to function everyday!
Narrator: Just as she finished her plea to Art, a fully armed, obese mobster enters the hall and seizes her by the waist. Then the mobster runs out again and gets into his lowrider, taking the woman with her.
Godfather: Art, you may not ignore the events that just took place.
Art: Fine. Wayne, find the white hart. Torelli, get back the powder and capture or kill the mobster that took it. Pellinini, save the escort from her captor.
QUEST FOR THE WHITE HART
ReplyDeleteNarrator: Wayne was the first to leave. He drove through the hood until he came to a back street and was challenged by another mobster.
Alardyne: You may not chase the white hart without dualing me, Alardyne of the Outer Isles, first!
Narrator: Alardyne takes his lowrider across the river and street races with Wayne. Wayne beats Alardyne handily.
Wayne: I have defeated you. Surrender now!
Alardyne: No, not until we have had a showdown!
Narrator: In one stroke, Wayne pulls his pistol and shoots through Alardyne’s helmet and skull. He then drives off on his quest again. He follows the hart to a castle where his greyhounds make the kill in the hall. When Sir Wayne arrives at the entrance of the hall, a mobster comes out and kills two of his greyhounds.
Wayne: My greyhounds! Fight me now, so I can avenge their deaths.
Blamoure: I accept your challenge.
Narrator: The two fought hard until Sir Wayne shoots the mobster in the chest.
Blamoure: Please, I beg you to be merciful!
Wayne: You killed my greyhounds. You will die.
Narrator: Sir Wayne drags the mobster away and is about to cut off his head when the mobster’s escort jumps in front of him. Sir Wayne had already fired his pistol and kills the escort instead.
Wayne: I spare your life for I have killed your escort.
Blamoure: Your mercy means nothing to me for you have killed my love.
Wayne: It was you I was trying to shoot. Go now, to Art and submit to him as a prisoner of the quest for the white hart. What is your name?
Blamoure: Blamoure of Marysville.
Narrator: Sir Blamoure then straps the two greyhounds he killed to his horse and drives off to Camelot. That night, while Sir Wayne relaxes, four mobsters rushed into the hall and attacked him. Sir Wayne was no match for the mobsters, and they made him a prisoner for the night. In the morning, the mobsters release him on the condition that he should bring the corpse of the escort all the way to Camelot and tell Art all that occurred. Sir Wayne brought the white hart’s head as proof that he had completed the quest.
QUEST FOR THE POWDER
ReplyDeleteNarrator: Meanwhile, Torelli set off to quest for the powder. Not long after he departed, he encountered a dwarf who struck Torelli’s car with a cane.
Torelli: Why did you do that?
Dwarf: You must dual my masters before you may pass.
Torelli: I have no time for this foolishness. Out of my way!
Narrator: The dwarf honks his horn and two mobsters appear. Sir Torelli shoots both and disables them.
Torelli: What are your names?
Mobster One: Phylo of Langtown.
Mobster Two: Petipace of Winchville.
Torelli: Go to Art and tell him you are my prisoners. I must continue my quest.
Dwarf: Before you leave, will you please grant me a wish, kind mobster?
Torelli: Ask and you shall receive.
Dwarf: Will you be my master instead of those two rascals? I know where the powder is and I can lead you to it if you accept.
Torelli: I accept. Lead me to the powder.
Narrator: Sir Torelli and the dwarf drive through the hood and come upon two empty lots. One has a red flag in front, one a white. Torelli dismounts and walks toward the empty lot with the white flag. He sees three escorts asleep on the ground, then looks toward the other empty lot and sees one escort asleep, beside her the white powder. Torelli grabs the powder and runs out of the lot.
Escort: Why are you taking my powder?
Torelli: My mob leader has requested me to take it back to him.
Escort: You be careful. I will be avenged!
Torelli: I am prepared for whatever you will do to me, for I am under the grace of God.
Narrator: Torelli and the Dwarf drive away, and encounter a Hermit. They stay with the Hermit for the night, then leave in the morning. After riding for a little while, they encounter a a fine mobster.
Mobster: Give me my powder back!
Torelli: Who are you?
Mobster: My name is Abel. Now where is my powder?
Torelli: I will never give it to you.
Narrator: The two fight. Torelli eventually wrestles Abel to the ground and pulls a knife on him.
Torelli: Surrender!
Abel: While I am still alive and while you still have my powder, I will never surrender!
Narrator: Suddenly, an escort walks in.
Escort: Grant me a wish in the name of Art!
Torelli: Name it and I’ll think about it.
Escort: Kill this wretched man! He killed my brother, he needs to die! If you don’t do it, I will make sure to bring shame to your name.
Abel: I beg for mercy!
Narrator: Abel started crawling away, but Torelli saw him and shot him dead.
Escort: Thank you. Will you stay with me for the night?
Torelli: I’d love to. Thank you for the hospitality.
Narrator: Torelli stays with the Escort for the night then returns to Camelot three days later. Meanwhile, Pellinini is out on his quest to bring the escort back.
QUEST FOR THE ESCORT
ReplyDeleteNarrator: Pellinini drives through the streets looking for the escort, and comes upon another young lady with a wounded mobster in her arms.
Lady: Help me!
Pellinini: I am too busy. I must go.
Lady: Curse you!
Narrator: A few hours later, the mobster dies in the lady’s arms and the lady shoots herself in grief. Pellinini continues on, and comes upon a storekeeper. He asks if he has seen the mobster with the lady, and finds that he was involved in a dual a few blocks down. Pellinini finds the missing escort and asks her to come back with him, but a mobster interferes.
Mobster: If you want this lady, you will need to fight the other two mobsters fighting over her!
Pellinini: Alright. (to the fighting mobsters) You two! Why are you fighting?
Melini: I am fighting for her because she is my cousin and she has been taken by force!
Outelake: I won her by force, she is mine!
Pellinini: You are a dirty liar. I saw you take her; no one challenged you. Art, my mob ruler, sent me to take her. I challenge you both!
Outelake: I accept!
Narrator: Outelake throws a grenade at Pellinini’s car and blows it up.
Outelake: Now you have no escape route. We can have a fair fight now!
Pellinini: That was my favorite car! You will pay!
Narrator: Pellinini pulls out his pistol and shoots Outelake in the head.
Melini (to Pellinini): Please, don’t kill me! You can have my cousin, but please don’t dishonor her!
Pellinini: I wouldn’t dream of dishonoring her.
Melini: I will give you my car and you can stay at my house tonight.
Pellinini: Thank you. You are very kind.
Narrator: After staying the night, Pellinini departs with the escort. They drive until it is dark out.
Escort: Pellinini, we will never find our way back in this light!
Pellinini: I suppose you are right. Let’s rest at this motel.
Narrator: Suddenly, two men appear.
(Talking amongst eachother)
Man 1: Do you have my sniper? I have been spying on Art, and I am ready to assassinate him.
Man 2: I do. I must warn you, though: beware of the Godfather. He always seems to figure out what is going on.
Man 1: I do not fear him at all. I will complete my task.
Narrator: Pellinini and the escort stay the night, and depart again in the morning. They come upon the dead lady and mobster.
Pellinini: If only I had saved them.
Escort: Why do you say that now?
Pellinini: She was so young. I could have done it, but I wanted to save you more.
Escort: Have them buried. It will clear your conscience.
Narrator: They bury the bodies and go back to Art. After telling his story, Art’s wife asks Pellinini why he did not save the lady.
Pellinini: I regret it. I should have.
Godfather: That lady was your daughter, and the mobster was her husband. They were on their way to serve Art. You are now destined to be deserted by the man you trust most right before your death.
Pellinini: Oh no! What have a done...
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ReplyDeleteEgypt cont.
ReplyDeleteNarrator: The two valiant knights, one a king and the other his squire, clashed in battle. Upon contact, Kosey’s sword cracked and shattered in his hand. Echidna’s plan appeared to be coming to fruition. Excalibur had defeated its own owner on the field of battle. It seemed that Kosey was now doomed to lose and Echidna would get her way. However, in a matter of minutes, Kosey recovered, and just before he was going to slay Gahiji, circumstantially, he requested to see the face of the man he was to kill.
Kosey: Alright, foe, you are now going to meet your destiny. Cans’t I have a look at your battle-worn face before you do.
Narrator: Obliging, and because Kosey would have done it for him anyway, Gahiji peeled back his helm, revealing his face to the king.
Gahiji: Kosey! My liege -- I hadn’t a clue that it was you I was fighting.
Kosey: It is a shame that this had to happen. We must have been tricked, Gahiji. The sword which you grasp is in fact Excalibur. It is the reason why I dealt with such difficulties in fighting you.
Gahiji: We must find whoever is responsible for this trickery! A dwarf told me to come find you. He must have been in on the scheme. I think he scurried into the adobe hut over yonder.
Narrator: The two collected themselves and proceeded to rush to the small village from whence they came. There, they discovered the pair in the hut Gahiji had pointed out.
Kosey: (authoritatively) Who are you, witch? And why have you done this injustice to us? I will have you know that your plan, whatever it was, has failed. And now you must explain your actions or be slain.
Echidna: It would not be a good decision to slay me, for I am but a maiden.
Kosey: Justice will be served, regardless of gender or any other criterion; and how did you learn my name?
Echidna: I know your name, sire, because you are my brother. Now, would you actually consider killing your own sister?
Narrator: Arthur stood stock-still. What had she said?!
THE DOLOROUS DEATHS AND DEPARTING OUY OF THIS WORL OF SIR LAUNCELOT AND QUEEN GWYNEVERE Part 1
ReplyDeleteNarrator: 2 million years in the future, where all life takes place on a giant floating hotel 400,000 miles above the earth's atmosphere, a depressed Queen Gwynevere most commonly known as Gwinny, cut her losses and joined a nail salon.
(Morosely...) After the sad death of Gwinny's husband Art, Gwinny decided that because she had been a traitor to her marriage she must rest in the most kindly of places, and pray for forgiveness. Of course her first thoughts were a nail salon. (Hopefully...) Where else were people so friendly and willing to help? Where else was the hustle and bustle too much to hear your own thoughts when one didn't want to, yet after hours could spend as much time as one pleased begging forgiveness?
Gwinny: I will take FIVE of my finest ladies to join the salon with me as they are looking for only the best for new hire!
Narrator: Down five floors, Lance the once greatest knights in the world, sat drinking with his cousin Bors at the very popular bar Benwick when a letter arrived. Upon opening the letter Arthur learns some terrible news...
Lance: (Grievously..) Oh jeeze Bors a letter from Gawain asking me to help Art on his space war! Gawain is dead and would like me to pray on his tomb! This is all my fault!! I must help Art! His bastard son Mod of the West is leading one hundred thousand ships against him! I should kill the little rat, for Art and because too he tried to make Gwynevere my beloved his wife!
Bors: (slightly drunk) yes.. YES, YES! We must run the three floors up to level Britain and Get Mod of the West! Get him!
Lance: My seven King friends! To me you drunk fools, TO ME!
Narrator: That very day Lance, Bors, the seven King friends, and a whole army of men ran the three floors to level Britain, only to find Art and Mod of the West dead, as well as both their armies destroyed along the corridor. Three Giant battles on foot it took Art and Mod to kill each other and all their men. Lance also heard, word of mouth, the Lady Gwinny had joined a nail salon but one floor higher.
Lance: (devastated) I knew I was too late! How awful it is that I could have caused the death of one such as noble as Gawain (to a random servant) Take me to his to tomb! I must pray.
Narrator: Lance stayed by Gawain's tomb one room away for three days, and on the third day he summoned his friends and told them he would now find Gwinny because she has suffered greatly.
Lance: I beg you, stay in this room for fifteen days, order whatever you like, go to a bar if it pleases you, and if I am not back within those fifteen days, get back on your spaceships and fly home. My journey will be long over by then if that be the case.
Bors: (worriedly) But Lance, don’t you think it is far too dangerous for you to travel across space on your own? Maybe we should come along with you.
Lance: Thanks Bors, but this is something I have to do on my own.
Narrator: So, leaving Bors and the rest of his company behind, Lance makes the trek up to the nail salon where Gwinny is working. Unfortunately for him, he has found her at a bad time. Art’s death has taken a toll on her and she has been a little heavy on the drink...
Gwinny: (seeing Lance at the door) Lance...(passes out)
Narrator: Gwinny’s friends revive her but she tries to stand up too quickly making her faint again. However, her good friends revive her, but this time she bangs her head on the corner of a table and knocks herself out. Annoyed, Gwinny’s friends tell Lance to come over to them instead of making her try to go the distance. This time she wakes up to Lance hovering over her and an awful bump on her head.
Gwinny: (growling) LANCE!!! Because of you, and the stupid things that went on between us, my husband and many of his comrades are now dead. From now on I never want to see your face again! Go back to your friends and leave me in peace!
Part 2
ReplyDeleteLance: (desperately) It pains me that you feel that way. And so you know that I do care, I will forever give up the world of fighting. To prove my loyalty let us kiss and then I will depart for good.
Gwinny: NO! No more kissing! We both know the disasters that come from that!
Narrator: And so, on this sorry note, Lance takes his leave of Gwinny, followed by her friends to make sure he didn’t skulk around. But as soon as he got out of the door he fainted from the sadness of the whole situation.
Gwinny’s Friend: (exasperated) Goodness! How many unconscious people do we have to deal with in one day?!
Narrator: Once Lance wakes up, he leaves the floor and aimlessly rides the hovercraft up and down with no real direction. Eventually getting kicked out by the annoyed driver of the craft. He comes out onto a floor where he sees Arthur’s tomb and one of his good friends Bedivere praying with the Archbishop beside him.
Lance: I am at a loss for what to do. I cannot fight again, for I don’t have the heart to anymore and I promised Gwinny I never would again.
Narrator: Lucky for Lance, it turns out that the Archbishop had just lost a shampoo boy from the small hair care company he ran as a part time job to make his financial ends meet.
Archbishop: I have an idea, why don’t you work for me, my shampoo boys don’t run into any of the fighting that is going on, it will be perfect for you.
Lance: Sounds idyllic! I’ll start right away.
Narrator: And so a new chapter of Lance’s life begins. Meanwhile Bor’s and the rest of Lance’s company was getting anxious not knowing what was happening to Lance. Despite the fact that they said they would go back to the war if he didn’t return, they decided to split up and look for him instead. Within six months, seven of Lance’s most loyal friends found him at his new job, and seeing how much of a changed man he was, decided to join him as fellow shampoo boys.
Six years passed, and they were hardly recognizable from their old selves. Their once muscular appearances faded and they smelled considerably better than ever before. One morning Lance wakes up and tells his friends of a vision he had..
Lance: (disturbed) I just had the most terrible vision! It was that Gwinny is dying and we will get to her too late to ever see her alive again.
Archbishop: Then you should leave now and see if you can beat this vision. Go! Make haste!
(Lance speaking to his friends as they search for Gwinny)
Lance: Alas! In the years we have spent as shampoo boys I’ve forgotten what floor she is on.
Narrator: Gwinny hears that Lance and his friends are searching for her and she prays that she won’t see Lance’s face again before she died. Her final wish is granted, for she passes away soon after.
(Lance has finally found Gwinny’s floor)
Lance: (bursting through the door) Gwinny! Where is Gwinny? I have to see her.
Gwinny: (blubbering) You..you...you’re too late (sob). She died just a half hour ago (wahhhh)
Narrator: Lance returned to the Archbishop and became thoroughly depressed. He quit his post as head shampoo boy and stayed in bed eating nothing, and barely sleeping. One night there is the rare occasion that everyone in the company is asleep at once. But of course, it didn’t stay that way for very long. The Archbishop snorted himself and everyone else awake but Lance because he was laughing hysterically at a dream.
Bors: Boss, what is so great that you had to go and wake us up with your laughing for?
Part 3
ReplyDeleteArchbishop: I just had a dream that Lance was carried up to the Lord by his little hover angels and that he passed on happily to the afterlife.
Bors: (alarmed) But then we should go check on him and see if he is really gone!
Archbishop: Yes, I suppose we should...
Narrator: The men found Lance lying dead in his bed, but with a smile on his face as if he was finally at peace with his life. They wept and were sad, and organized his funeral so that he would be buried in the place he always had wanted, Joyous Gard. However, his body was left in an open casket for 15 days, so that all who knew him could come and pay their respects. One day a man named Ector passed by Joyous Gard and went in to see what all the commotion was about. Bors recognizes Ector as Lance’s brother.
Bors: Have you come to pay your last respects to your brother?
Ector: (confused) What? That is not my brother that lies in the tomb! (looking closer) Or is it? I can now see Lance’s features on this man’s face. Such an awful end to these six years that I have been searching for him!
Bors: Yes this is Lance, your brother who died of a broken heart.
Ector: Oh my dear brother...(faints)
Narrator: Lance is buried and the mourners leave Joyous Gard. Lance’s fellow shampoo boys lived the rest of their days in the same profession. The remaining fighters of Arthur’s legacy went to end Lance’s unfinished task in the space wars, and all died together on Good Friday. And so, here ends the era of Arthur and his Space Soldiers of the Circular Shuttle.
Lancelot and Elaine Adaption
ReplyDeleteAct one: Scene one
The Dude Ranch
Stage Note: Lights open slowly to reveal a wood porch in a hazy morning in Arizona. An older couple sits in two rocking chairs, the woman knits and the man smokes a pipe while polishing a gun.
Lanny: (friendly yell) Hey there! Is that you Uncle Chase? Wow I can hardly recognize you. (Puts down luggage)
Chase: I should say the same for you ma boy! Good to see ya! (Hug and pat on the back)
Jess: Well, hello there Lanny. Did ya have a nice flight?
Lanny: Eh, it was all right, you know how flying is these days, I always feel like I should tip the security guys. (All chuckle).
Chase: Can we getch’a somthin’ to eat or drink ma boy?
Lanny: No, thanks, I’m all set. I’d just like to take a nice nap and freshen up.
Jess: Well sure sure, our girl Ellen can show ya to your room. (Shouts) ELLEN!
Stage Note: Ellen enters stage left.
Ellen: Yes, yes, what is it? (Sees Lanny) Oh, well hello there, are you Lanny?
Lanny: Yes, I am.
Ellen: Ellen (extends hand, two shake and stare into each others eyes)
Chase: Lanny’ll be stayin’ in the west room.
Ellen: Great, follow me.
Stage Note: Lanny and Ellen exit stage left, lights dim.
Act One: Scene Two
The Kitchen
Stage Note: Lights bright, a western-style kitchen, herbs hanging from ceiling beams, big old-fashioned stove, Jess and Ellen cooking. Lanny enters stage right.
Lanny: Smells great in here, what’s it all for?
Stage Note: Betty enters stage right, sweeping past Lanny carrying a pot of food.
Betty: (excitedly) It’s for the round up!
Ellen: This is Betty; she works here too, like me. (Turns to Betty) That’s Lanny, Jess and Chases nephew.
Betty: Hello there, glad to have you.
Lanny: So what’s a “round up” ?
Ellen: It’s a big ranch party, there’s lots of food, drinking, dancing, riding (looks at Lanny suggestively).
Betty: Were expecting about 200
Jess: (holding out a spoon) Lanny com’ere and try this for me will ya? I need a second opinion.
Stage Note: Lanny moves stage left to Aunt Jess. Ellen motions to Betty to the corner of the room, Lights dim and spotlight on Ellen and Betty.
Betty: He’s cuuuuute.
Ellen: I know right, and I really like him, but Chase told me he has a fiancé back in California, so I guess nothing can happen.
Betty: Psssh, they’re not married are they? He’s down here and she’s all the way up there…you never know.
Ellen: Will you help me?
Betty: Of course, and tonight’s the perfect nights, with the party and everything. I’ll get him plastered, that won’t be hard and then…anything can happen. (Two smile and giggle)
Stage Note: Spotlight moves off girls and lights become bright again, focus is moved to Lanny and Jess and the girls leave their huddle.
Lanny: Mmmm that’s delicious Aunt Jess; you always were a great cook. Well looks like you girls have a lot of preparation to finish before tonight, I don’t want to be a distraction.
Ellen: We don’t mind (Betty and Ellen giggle).
Lanny: See you tonight. (Points and winks at Ellen as he exits stage right).
Part Two:
ReplyDeleteAct One: Scene Three
The Round-Up Party
Stage Note: Lights come up on a festive party; outside with a fence and sunset in the background, there are lantern lights, lots of people, and tables with food and drink. Music plays loudly at first and then fades to the background once people start talking. Betty and Ellen are talking stage left.
Ellen: How’s it going?
Betty: Swimmingly, I’ve got him playing drinking games with Dan, Alec, Josh, and Randy. Every time Steve falls off the bull they do a shot.
Stage Note: Lights move from girls to stage right where a group of rowdy men are sitting on crates crowded around a barrels and a bottle labeled “moonshine”.
Dan: All right fellas’, that’s another one. (All take do a shot, and slam glasses down on the barrels).
Stage Note: Lanny stands up drunkenly, stumbling backwards, catching himself on a fence. Slurred speech.
Lanny: I think that’s all for me t’night guys, (other men groan).
Josh: Naaaaaa, c’ome Lan-lan we’s just getting’ started, (hic-up).
Dan: Yeah, ya can’t leave yet, it wern’t no proper round-up ‘less everyone’s sick as a fat ‘ol wild hog all jupped up on stable-sludge and cow-crap.
Lanny: Even so, I think I’ll be off.
Stage Note: Lanny stumbles across stage and exits stage left. Betty runs up to Ellen.
Betty: He just left, I think he’s goin’ off to bed, now’s your chance.
Ellen: (Smiling mischievously), wish me luck.
Act One: Scene Four
The Bedroom
Stage Note: The stage is divided into two parts, on the right a hallway and door, on the left a bedroom set. The Lights are dim and there are fake lights light in the hallway. The door in closed and Ellen is waiting in the bedroom with the lights on milling about, getting “ready”. Lanny stumbles from stage right into the hall and rests against the door. He jiggles the handle but can’t get open it and starts shouting.
Lanny: Come on, let me in. (kicks the door), stupid door. (Jiggles the handle again)
Stage Note: Ellen opens the door from stage left and Lanny falls in.
Lanny: Oh hey there, how’s it goin’? (Hic-up)
Ellen: Are you OK?
Lanny: Oh yeah, sure. Had a couple drinks with the guys, great party by the way. You should be like a pro party planner person instead of working at this dumb place. (Tries to stand up but promptly falls down again.)
Ellen: I think you need to lye down. (Helps Lanny up by the shoulders and walks him to the bed). Here this is good.
Lanny: Come here.
Stage Notes: Lanny lies down on bed, pulling Ellen with him. Lanny starts to kiss Ellen.
Ellen: Wait don’t you have a fiancé?
Lanny: Who?
Stage Note: Continues kissing, lights dim. End act.
Part 3:
ReplyDeleteAct Two: Scene One
Back at Lanny’s House
Stage Note: Lights are bright, it’s a modern day apartment, door closes stage right, Pete enters flushed, holding a cell phone.
Pete: So what’s the problem?
Lanny: Girls.
Pete: Aren’t they always.
Lanny: OK you know that girl I told you about, the one from my Uncle’s ranch over the summer?
Pete: Ellen? Yeah she was hot…
Lanny: Right. Well now she’s coming here.
Pete: Where? Like here here?(Points are floor), why?
Lanny: Because, she’s visiting a friend in L.A. and is staying here.
Pete: She’s staying here? Man, how did you let this happen?
Lanny: I don’t know!
Pete: Well does Ginny know?
Lanny: No, that’s the problem.
Pete: That’s not your only problem.
Stage Note: Knocks at the door, two men turn. Lanny opens the door stage right. Ginny enters.
Lanny: Hi babe, (couple kiss).
Ginny: Hi, Hi Pete. What are you boys up to?
Pete: Nothing, I was just leaving. See you later Lan, I hope. (Exists stage right)
Lanny: Come here babe, I have to tell you something. (Walks over with Ginny and sits her down on the couch. Knock on door. Lanny looks form door to Ginny and then back to the door. Goes over and opens it.)
Ellen:(excitedly) Hiiiii! (Hugs Lanny).
Lanny: (excitedly) hey there, come in.
Stage Notes: Door closes, Ginny stands up to greet Ellen.
Lanny: Ellen this is my fiancé Ginny. Ginny this is my friend Ellen, she works on Uncle Chase’s ranch I think I’ve mentioned her.
Ginny: (sternly) I don’t think so.
Lanny: (pauses apprehensively) well anyways, she’ll be staying here for a few days. (Ginny eyes both Ellen and Lanny).
Ginny: Oh, will she?
Ellen: Nice to meet you, Lanny’s told me so much about you. (Extends hand, the two shake slowly)
Lanny: (addressing Ellen) I thought we’d all go to dinner with my friend Peter tonight.
Ellen: Sounds great.
Lanny: Well your room is right through there, (points to stage left) help yourself to anything in the fridge.
Stage Notes: Ellen nods and smiles and exits stage left. Ginny walks over to Lanny giving him a stern look.
Lanny: I was just about to tell you.
Ginny: You know I’m not happy about this.
Lanny: Jealous are we?
Ginny: Of course! (Yelling) I don’t know anything about this girl, I’ve never even heard of her before she could be your long lost beloved ex-girlfriend for all I know.
Lanny: Well she’s not, I just met her this summer and she’ll only be here for a couple of days.
Ginny: And dinner?
Lanny: Pete will be there we can take her to Arthur’s Artichokes Pizza Palace
Part 4:
ReplyDeleteAct Two: Scene Two
Arthur’s Artichokes Pizza Palace
Stage Note: Dim lights, dinner atmosphere, table for four, looking at menus. Dinner sounds in the background, other tables, costumers and waiters milling about. Spot light focuses and Pete, Lanny, Ginny, and Ellen.
Waiter: So what is everyone getting?
Ginny: I think I’ll get Hawaiian. What about you Hun?
Lanny: I always go with meat-lovers. Ellen, anything look good?
Ellen: It all looks good! But I think I’ll go with the spicy sauce one.
Pete: I’ll just have cheese. (Hands waiter menus, waiter exists stage right).
Ellen: Please excuse me I have to wash my hands. Where are the restrooms?
Lanny: I can show you, not a bad idea to freshen up myself.
Stage Note: Lanny and Ellen move stage left. The lights move off the table and go to Ellen and Lanny. They are stationed Stage left in a small alcove.
Lanny: I hope your having a good time; tomorrow we can do something more fun I promise.
Ellen: Don’t worry, I’m having plenty of fun right here.(Pushes Lanny against wall and plants one on him).
Lanny: (Enraged) what are you doing? I’m engaged!
Ellen: That didn’t stop you before. (Kisses him again).
Lanny: I was drunk, and that was a one-time thing. It can never happen again and Ginny can never know.
Ellen: She wont, (kisses him again, Ginny come in from stage right).
Ginny: (Enraged) what in the name of Jesu is going on here!? (Lanny pushes Ellen off him and turns to Ginny)
Lanny: Mmm, nothing, absolutely nothing, this is not what you think it is!
Ginny: (Still enraged) forget, I knew this would happen the moment you brought that tramp into your house! (Points to Ellen).
Ellen: (Gasps) you think I’m the tramp? It was your fiancé who came on to me back at the ranch!
Ginny:(More enraged) what is she talking about?
Lanny: It was nothing, I was drunk, extremely drunk, I didn’t know what I was doing.
Ellen: Yeah, but you liked it.
Ginny: That’s it- I can’t stand to look at you anymore Lanny!(Storms off stage left, sits back down at table and weeps.)
Stage Note: Infuriated, Lanny strides across stage, grabs jacket off the table and exits quickly stage left.
Act Two: Scene Three
Back at Lanny’s House
Stage Note: Dark lights, Lanny sits alone on his couch twirling his cell phone in his hands. The door opens stage right and Pete enters.
Pete: There you are man; we’ve all been looking for you all night. I called you like 20 times why didn’t you pick up? We were so worried you gone a jumped in front of a bus or something. (Sits next to Lanny on couch. Lights get a little brighter). Look I know you really loved Ginny, but you guys will work this out and get back together. Other guys do stupid stuff all the time; don’t think that you have to be this perfect God or anything that’s better than everyone else we all screw up.
Lanny: I’m just so embarrassed; I don’t think I can face either of them ever again.
Pete: Oh, of course you will. And even if you don’t I’ll never get that pissed you. (Excitedly) you’re my man!
Lanny: Thanks Pete, that’s good to hear
Comment About Emma Piontek's Reader's Theater:
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed reading your readers theater--it was very entertaining and readable. I liked the modern language, and you had very good descriptions and stage notes (although reader's theater does not require stage notes). For example, I liked your description of the wood porch at the house in Arizona. I also thought that "Arthur's Pizza Palace" was very creative.
Comment about Meg and Lucy’s Readers Theater:
ReplyDeleteI really liked your rendition of the tale, it was very funny! Having the setting be a frat house worked well with the plot, and I liked the slang the frat boys and girls used. I also liked when they decided to fight the police, and Arthur said we should, “go medieval on this thing.” You used a lot of good description, such as the narration of the fight scene.
Michaela and Sarah's Reader's Theater:
ReplyDeleteI like the pirate setting you have written this in. It goes very well with the events happening in the real story and makes the story, in my opinion, even more enjoyable. You did a very good job translating parts of the tale into pirate-talk (I.E. "Avenge my death to the bottom of the sea!") and many of the comments the characters make are humorous. I also think you did a good job translating each character into a pirate - the ships were very good replacements for horses.
Comment about Steve’s Readers Theater:
ReplyDeleteThis was a very funny rendition of the story, and your setting fitted the story in the book. I enjoyed the idioms you used like “leapin’ lizard” and “Flippin’ Friend Flippers,” which added humor to the story. I also liked the songs that you incorporated about the Boat and “Cats in the Cradle.”
Meg and Lucy's Reader's Theater:
ReplyDeleteYou guys did a great job translating this into a modern setting. Most modern settings about something that happened in a completely different time period tend to be a little weird because events don't really fit, but I thought that your setting worked well. For example, the "apple shnops" as the actual apples in the story fit perfectly.
Emma B.'s Reader's Theater:
I thought that the setting you put your scene in was very creative, and still stayed true to the story. All the important details, like Merlin getting buried in a cave, were still there, but in an interesting modern setting. I also really like how you had Sir Bagdemagus ski and then win the Olympics to get a seat at the Round Table.
Matt and Cas's Reader's Theater:
The setting for this was inventive, and every detail was worked out so that it fit the setting. I liked how that blow that was supposed to destroy several kingdoms in the actual story was a huge explosion because of a weapons dealer in your setting. It was also nice that you managed to fit in and explain almost every event in the story without the whole scene seeming too long.
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ReplyDeleteSarah and Micaela's:
ReplyDeleteI like the setting a lot and you guys did a nice job making the language "piratey". You guys also made the story move fast which made it interesting to read.
MJ:
I really liked your setting. That seems like it would be a challenging one to do but you did a great job. I liked the Irish soldier because I could imagine him speaking. Also I liked how you opened, it was very dramatic.
Lucy and Meg:
Funny setting. You guys kept it constant and made everything fit in a college setting. I thought you had a good message at the end about not taking a drink if you don't know where it's been. I could really follow the story and I could picture where they were in my mind's eye.
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ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteI evaluate scripts based on five criteria:
ReplyDelete1. Accuracy, events;
2. Accuracy, characterization;
3. Diction;
4. Proofread/Refined;
5. Appropriate for Reader's Theater
Michaela and Sarah:
The script follows the text, with events and characterization being accurate. Diction is also appropriate for the setting. It is furthermore well proofread and appropriate for a Reader's Theater context. Well done.
Steve:
The author's script does not follow the events of the text, assuming that that this script is adapted from the Tale of the Sangreal. Neither does it follow the text's characters and characterization; new characters are invented and characterization is greatly different from that of the original text. Diction is overly informal; use of words like "chick," "high five," "dibbs,"chill-axe," among numerous others, lends to the adaptation a juvenile tone which is greatly skewed from the original intent. Mechanically the adaptation is acceptable, assuming that the "ooooooo"'s and "nooooooo"'s and "iiiiiiiiiin"'s are deliberate; however, note that such language does not add to the quality of the adaptation. This adaptation can be read in Reader's Theater, however it can certainly be improved.
Graham:
Overall, this script is a condensed version of the original; the events and characters are very accurate to the original. Diction is more colloquial than that of the text, however it is nonetheless appropriate. This script could be greatly improved with proofreading; there are numerous typoes and issues with capitalization, omitted letters, incorrect spelling, grammatical errors, and misplaced spacing. The lines are also crammed into a very large block of text, which makes the adaptation difficult to read. Because of the mechanical errors and formatting, this is not yet appropriate for a Reader's Theater; however, making it so is a simple matter of proofreading.
Same thing with the second part.
ReplyDeleteHere it is:
Echidna: I have it here. As well, I have your scabbard.
Kosey: (thankfully) Your work here today is greatly appreciated. Now, for the sake of my friends Kontar and Gahiji, I must go fight the knight to whom you refer.
Echidna: The knight stands in the flat beyond this closest sand dune. He is prepared to fight you. Do be careful, and best of luck!
Arthur: Thank you for your wise words, fair maiden. Alas, with Excalibur, I am indomitable.
Maiden: (malevolently and to herself) You will need luck, for it is neither Excalibur nor your scabbard that you possess.
Narrator: Simultaneously, Gahiji woke a little ways away, hidden under a dune of substantial breadth. Confused, he saw a plump dwarf standing by his side, eyeing him curiously.
Gahiji: Sayyed, please, where am I?
Tsekani: You fell from your camel. An evil knight snatched your friends from their rests. He desires to meet you in battle. He will be here soon. You must be ready to face him, or he will vanquish your friends. I have brought you the necessary armor. I can but wish you the best of luck. The knight is strong, but you must defeat him if you wish to see your friends alive again.
Narrator: The knight saw the armor in a heap nearby. The sword, whose handle was etched with intricate hieroglyphs, glimmered in the desert sun.
Gahiji: In all my days, I have never seen such a sword, except, of course, for Excalibur.
Narrator: As Gahiji prepared for the impending battle, Tsekani scampered into the woods, where he reunited with Echidna.
Echidna: (mischievously) Have you done as I asked, ustaaz?
Tsekani: Indeed I have, my lady. They haven’t a clue that they are going up against one another.
Narrator: The two knights, in the middle of a sandy plain, met. They exchanged epithets and charged each other.
Kosey and Gahiji, collectively: Hurrah! Have at you!
I thought Michaela's piece was very well done. I could tell from the get-go what tale she was mirroring, and I thought she did a tremendous job catering the plot, context, and setting to her adaptation of it. Additionally, it was well-written and coherent throughout. At times, it seemed more dense that the original tale, but that is not necessarily a bad component of it, just something I noticed.
ReplyDeleteI think Fritz effectively synthesized his tale with the story from the book. However, per usual, his lack of consistently correct grammar clouded somewhat my ability to follow along with the plot. Also, it just read too much like a simple summary or retelling of events. It needed to be more active and less passive and actually focus in on what happened rather than simply allude to it. Like I said, I think all the elements of a good story are there but not just as well put together as they might be.
Finally, Matt and Cas' piece works for reader's theatre. That's one of the many things I extracted from my first read of it. I can imagine reading/performing it in class and being very engrossed in it. So, on that front, A+. While it was somewhat evident which tale Matt and Cas were mimicking from the beginning, the opening scene left me a little bit soured. I would just find it hard to see that scene panning out the way you described it. Despite Balin's propensity for outbursts in Le Morte, I can't see him proclaiming his innocence in such a fashion as you had him do. The aura of the trial, as you state, is of efficiency and authority. I think Balin's outburst and Pendragon's blasé release of Balin counteract that atmosphere.
For what it's worth, I wholeheartedly agree with Lucy about doing this on Google Docs. Having Blogspot say that my post has been published when in fact it hasn't is a real nuisance. Just my 2¢.
All of these adaptations were good, and well written, but I feel like Emma P's, Michaela's, and Meg's all had really inventive settings, which was what stood out to me the most.
ReplyDeleteComment on Meg's:
Meg's story was really quite a modern adaptation, taking out all the violence and replacing it with college sports tensions was really great, and fun to read. Overall, I felt like it really fit the definition of "adapting" it into a play.
Comment on Michaela's:
You really captured the voice of the pirates in yours. It was an original setting, and you sold it by your script, and I even found myself laughing at a few parts, which is hard, because generally these reader's theater things are funny in a stupid kind of way. But I found yours to be legitimately funny, enjoyable, and really quite well done.
Comment on Emma P's:
This was very very good. You made the narrator's lines generally dramatic, as they should be, and also, like I said above, this was one of the most original settings and adaptations I read, which made it stand out to me instantly. From the first sentence I immediately felt like I was there. It was done particularly well.
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ReplyDeletematt,
ReplyDeletesteve and i did it together. it was the tale of the castle carbonek. It followed the events in the text. It's on page 420 if you want to read it. also saying something does't add to the quality of the adaptation is a matter of opinion. don't say it as a fact.
I laughed really hard when I read Matt's post about our adaptation because it's based on the Castle of Carbonek, not Sangreal, but good try to shut me down, bud. I think you should change up the tone a bit; me and Christian worked hard on that adaptation so you should consider being a bit more positive and a little less condescending. Or if you want to be condescending then at least get your facts.
ReplyDeleteAnyway,
I read Shepard's tale and I thought it was pretty good. The tale is very well adapted; almost all the events are there, all major characters are present and it is well written. However, I did struggle understanding what the setting was. If the setting was meant to be "Mobsters", then I don't think it blends well with the plot; it just adds more confusion to a already very confusing tale. Other than that, good job, I laughed several times too.
Sarah's and Michaela's was really good, the setting was pretty creative as well as the context. I agree with Cas that this adaptation was funny in a good way, not in a "I'm laughing because this is really dumb" funny. I could totally picture the pirates in my head, too.
Fritz's tale was almost the exact opposite of Sarah's tale because most of the jokes in it were either involved violence or were really flat out and dry. This humor in this adaptation really reminded me of movies like "Meet the Spartans", "Epic Movie" and "Vampire's Suck". I have to say I did laugh though. As with Sarah's tale, I can't really judge the actual context because I haven't read the tale itself, but Fritz's adaptation did have some spelling and grammar mistakes.
Overall, I really enjoyed reading these tales. Good Job Everyone!
I liked how Michaela and Lucy/Meg's scripts conveyed the accents and the types of language characters in their settings used. It really gets me into the setting and will probably be super fun to read. I especially liked how Lucy/Meg's script brought out how hilarious Arthur's cluelessness is. Matt's adaptation and its setting were very unique, but the vocabulary was a bit traditional for Korean War officers. Even though officers are supposed to be formal, I doubt they used words like "behest". Steve/Christian's adaptation was funny, but some parts were a bit questionable. Stereotyping gays could be problematic although comedians do it all the time. I liked this line though. "(soup nazi-esque) NO SWORD FO YOU!!!" It reminded me of my mom. JK.
ReplyDelete-I loved Michaela and Sarah's Script! It was clever, never got boring, and had a really good theme of pirates. I could follow the plot of the story without getting confused and I enjoyed it.
ReplyDelete-also Steve and Christian's was really funny and entertaining to read. I loved the song
-Mj and Cas' was really good. I would love to read it in class, and it is easy flowing and almost professional. Nicely done
Emma Piontek- I loved reading your Reader's Theater! You had some really great humor and good details. The stage notes definitely helped me visualize everything that was happening. The best part in my opinion was how completely your story was adapted into the new setting. There were no awkward halfway bits. The whole story was very clear, and I'll try not to take the use of the name Ellen for the "tramp" too personally!
ReplyDeleteSteve and Christian- My favorite part of your Reader's Theater was the hilarious exclamations Lancelot used. You had the perfect amount of awkwardness to make everything very funny, but you still conveyed the plot very well. Your story is one that was made to be read aloud.
Matt Jin- Your story was excellently detailed. I could picture everything that was happening very vividly, you also showed all of your character's emotions very well. Overall, your tale was organized, engaging and followed the plot very well!
oh sorry Matt Jin and Cas
ReplyDeleteMichaela Helble- I liked the theme, and the way it is pulled off. The idea of King Arther and the Knights of the Round Table is good one. I thought that idea of them fighting with pistols instead of swords was a good one, and my one little thought is that this might work better for a graphic novel, or actual onstage adaptation.
ReplyDeleteEmma- I like the idea for the setting of the story, and the diologe. I think it was a pretty clever twist on that part of it, and I like how it turns a very small thing in the book, into a slightly longer tale. A few points are kind of awkward, for example, if Arther is the king, why are policemen coming after them, and why can't Nyneve use magic on them. Asside from that, I like it.
Gabe- I know which story your doing from the very begguining, despite the fact that about half your story isn't actually there. I think its a pretty good interpertation, and I like the change in theme, but I also think that it might not be changed enough, from what we did in class. So, you convery the story well, but in some ways it read exactly like our readers theater.
For what it's worth, blogspot doesn't work well for this. May I suggest Tumblr?
Emma:
ReplyDeleteYour reader's theater had a very creative setting and was rather enjoyable to read. Your piece was easy to follow but did follow the plot quite well along with a very original adaptation. Well Done
Steve and Christian:
Very creative characters such as the "soup nazi-esque" and the word choice was especially entertaining. You followed the general plot along with adding your own original adaptation. Good Job.
MJ:
As usual your adaptation came with wonderful detail that was easy to picture. The setting was amusing and creative. I loved some of the character's such as the Irish soldier. All in all your adaptation was dramatic, creative and funny. Good Job
Michaela and Sarah– I really liked the pirate theme you used and your scrappy language, and I think the setting fit really well with the tale.
ReplyDeleteEmma – I love your ski resort setting, it is very creative and funny. I also really like your voice tone words like (Disingenuously), (edgily) and (abashed). They really add to the play and help the reader better recreate the scenario.
Steve- Your song was really funny, along with your word choice and language (ex. Leapin’ Lizard). I also like your word choice and some added elements of your tale like Jesus.
General comment: I think next time we should all share our tales with everybody on google docs
Steve's Reader's Theatre:
ReplyDeleteAs expected, this was a very funny adaptation. The story and plot read well and it made sense throughout. I'd love to see this read aloud--especially the Lonely Island's "I'm On A Boat". Though it wasn't necessarily needed, it was very inventive, creative and entertaining.
Matt and Cas's Reader's Theatre:
You guys did a really good job. It was actually pretty intense, as well. It was really detailed yet you managed to keep the script moving without it dragging on. You also had a really interesting and different setting.
Sarah and Michaela's Reader's Theatre:
I loved that you stayed true to your setting throughout, especially with the pirate lingo/jargon. I found the story to be entertaining and funny and did a great job of portraying the story and events. I'd love to hear this one lead aloud--all the pirate commentary would be very entertaining
Michaela and Sara: I really enjoyed the setting; I thought it fit the plot very well and found your script truly amusing.
ReplyDeleteMeg and Lucy: Yours was really fun to read and it felt really modern. I liked the use of sports instead of fighting, cause in a way that is fighting; It was a really good adaptation.
Gabe and Tornike: Well done. Your adaptation as easy to follow and fun to read, I like how you changed the story but not to much.
Gabe and Tornike: Fabulous job! I really enjoyed reading yours. As Emma said, it is easy to follow and read, and I also liked the plot setting and the change of names.
ReplyDeleteEmma: Great job! Yours was entertaining and fun to read. I liked the setting.
MJ: Yours was not only amusing to read, but you made what could have been a very confusing plot easy to follow.
Meg/Lucy: The setting of a frat house added some very good humor to your adaptation of the tale. The words were very well translated from the more formal english to less formal, slangy words often used in a setting such as a frat house. The way you re-made the fights/competitions was also very well done.
ReplyDeleteGabe/Tornike: Your tale was easy to follow and is very well-written. It was a good read and was a bit different than many of the other tales in that the setting and plot was not changed that much. Nice job.
Emma B.-I really liked how you fit the story of the five kings to fit a ski trip. You also conveyed Nyneve's character really well (out for the magic, not the love)!
ReplyDeleteLucy and Meg- I really enjoyed this piece as well. You did a great job transposing the story to modern times. It was also very humorous ("talk to the hand!") yet you didn't lose the core elements of the story.
Emma P.-The use of the "southern" talk and the slight change in the characters names ("Lanny" and "Ellen" vs. Launcelot and Elaine) put an interesting twist on the tale. Just make sure that you don't stray too far from the actual tale itself (although I believe you did do okay, since you got all the major details down).
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ReplyDeleteNarrator:
ReplyDeleteGallahad says okay.
Gallahad:
okay
Narrator:
Sadly, Gallahad turns to Lancelot and tells him he must go.
Gallhad:
Father dearest, I must now leave you and see whither I fare to find my destiny as I search for a cup. I luh you.
Lancelot:
Just remember son, with great power comes great responsibility...and always use protection.
Narrator:
Lancelot, having given Gallahad an excellent piece of advice gives his son a high five. Gallahad departs.
Gallahad:
I’m departing
Narrator:
As soon a Gallahad leaves, Lancelot’s ship is mysteriously blown out to sea.
Lancelot:
Flippin’ Fried Flippers! How can it be that a ship with no sails and no oars has taken flight?
Narrator:
Incredibly happy with his alliteration, Lancelot is fine with a boat with a dead lady that moves on it’s own. He sailed for four months, every night praying that he may get a glimpse of the Holy Grail for he too decided it would be his quest. One night Lacelot’s ship crashes ashore, and he wakes up, from a dream about Cindy Crawford. He peaks his head over the rail of the boat and sees a castle guarded by two sassy lions dressed in matching batman outfits.
Sassy Lion 1:
(in a family guy-esque voice) Alright sir, I call dibbs on the next one. mmmmm that knight looks tasty. But i did it a rather large questin’ beast today.
Sassy Lion 2:
What? You are sooooo skinny.
Lion 1:
I wanna lose three pounds by the end of this week. I’ve been on the south beach diet for almost 2 months now it working so well!
Lion 2:
Ooooo yes. I’m on Atkins myself! It’s workin’ like a charm.
Narrator:
As Lancelot approaches the doors the lions are too caught up in their conversation to care! But then a mysterious force stops them.
Lion 2:
ooooooo nooooo. Lancelot got iiiiin!
Narrator:
Suddenly, a dwarf appears!
Dwarf:
(to narrator) EH-HEM!...I prefer Wee-Man
Narrator:
Pardon, a Wee-Man appears out of nowhere and bitch slaps the sword out of Lancelot’s hand.
Wee-Man:
(soup nazi-esque) NO SWORD FO YOU!!!
Narrator:
Lancelot is intimidated by the wee-man and immediately sheaths his sword, and wee-man let’s him enter the castle. As Lancelot passes through the gates Wee-man says a comment to the lions.
Wee-man:
I hate seeing him leave....but I love watching him go.
Narrator: Lancelot walks through the castle, it is completely empty. The only sound is the Dracula music being played by an organ on the upper level of the castle. Finally he arrives at a large wooden door that is sealed tight. He gets down on his knees and begins to pray.
Lancelot:
(in a deep southern accent for some unexplainable reason) Dear Lord Baby Jesus....
Narrator: (interrupts)
Why would you start it like that? You know Jesus is a grown up; he has beard and chest hair now. Probably even a family man up in Heaven, with a wife and several children.
Lancelot:
I’ll say it the way I want Narrator! Why don’t you get a body or something.
Lancelot:
(still in his southern accent) “Dear Eight Pound, Six Ounce, Newborn Baby Jesus, in your golden, fleece diapers, with your curled-up, fat, balled-up little fists pawin' at the air, we thank you so much for this bountiful harvest of Dominos, KFC, and the always delicious Taco Bell. I just want to take time to say thank you for my family. My three sons, Walker, and Texas Ranger, or TR as we call him, and Gallahad. And of course my red hot smokin' wife-ish Guenevere, who is a stone cold fox. Anyway, please show me what is inside this door.
Narrator:
A voice says he is not allowed to go inside so Lancelot peeeeeaks through the doors and sees a priest, next to him stands the holy grail.
Lancelot:
Look a priest!
Narrator:
ReplyDeleteThe power of the holy grail was so awesome that Lancelot could not with stand it and fainted. He wakes up and is introduced to King Pelle, the king of the castle.
Pelle:
Hey
Lancelot:
Hey
Narrator:
The two new acquaintances chill-axe and Lancelot stays in his castle for a few days. Turns out, the dead chick on the boat was Pelle’s daughter.
Lancelot:
I think your daughter was on my boat.
Pelle:
Cool.
Lancelot:
She was kind of bangin’.
Pelle:
Cool.
Narrator:
Sadly, the time comes when Lancelot must leave. Just as Lancelot is about to leave there is a knock at the door.
knocking sound
Pelle:
(inquisitive high pitched voice) Who is iiiit?
Sir Ector:
It’s sir Ector, Lancelot’s brother.
Pelle:
OO! Lancelot’s here!
Ector:
So...can I come in.
Pelle:
mmmmm nope.
Narrator:
Sir Ector then turns his trusy steed Maurice, and gallops on down the lane. Lancelot, now armed and ready to go bids his friend Pelle adieu:
Lancelot:
g2g. ttyl (gee-too-gee. tee-tee-why-elle).
Narrator:
Lancelot travels to an abbey where he meets monks, looks at tombstones, and learns to crochet.
Lancelot:
(distraught) Jesus Christ on a cracker I dropped a stitch!
Jesus:
(Angrily) Hey!
Lancelot:
Sorry.
Monks:
(mumble mumble mumble)
Narrator:
He sees a tombstone he recognizes.
Lancelot:
Well butter my butt and call me a biscuit but it’s the tomb of Sir Badgemagus! He made delicious scallops wrapped in bacon.
Narrator:
Lancelot then travels back home to Camelot where he tells Arthur and Guenevere of all his adventures and they make him a kid’s cuisine. They lived happily ever after.
All:
THE END!
Steve and Christian
Characters (in order of appearance)
ReplyDeleteNarrator
Lancelot
The “Voice”
Dead Chick (Sir Percivale’s sister)
Gallahad
Black Knight
Dwarf/Wee-Man
Sassy Lion
Sassy Lion 2
King Pelle
Sir Ector
Monks
The Castle of Carbonek
Plot Summary:
Lancelot, a knight of Camelot washes up onto the shores of a foreign land. He is extremely tired and decideds to sleep for a a but when suddenly a mysterious voice tells him to board the next ship that he sees. He boards an eerie ship that has no sails or oars on which he finds Sir Percivale’s sister lieing dead on the floor. For a month he lived on the ship living of god’s good grace when when one day he encounters his son, Gallahad, in the nearby woods. They rejoice but soon a knight a random knight arrives to recruit Gallahad for the quest to find the Holy Grail. Lancelot agrees to go and father and son seperate. Mysteriously, Lancelot’s ship sets out to see and after a month arrives at the foot of a castle. Lancelot enters and sees the holy grail but faints on account of some mysterious power. He wakes, and King Pelle, the king of the castle introduces himself. They spend four days together in the castle before Lancelot departs. Before he leaves however their is a knock at the door. It is Sir Ector, Lancelot’s brother but King Pelle turns him away in order to protect the grail. Ector departs and soon there after so does Lancelot. Lancelot travels to an abbey where he sees the tombs of one of his fellow knight’s of the round table and decides it is time that he returns home. He returns to Camelot where he tells Arthur and Guenevere of his adventures.
Narrator:
A tired, scared Lancelot comes to the shores of the Morayse.
Lancelot:
O golly, I’m so tired.
Narrator:
Suddenly, Lancelot hears a voice.
Voice:
Sir Lancelot, wake up, arm yourself and get onto the first ship that you see.
Lancelot:
Okay.
Narrator:
Scared and confused, Lancelot walks briskly, with a girlish trudge, toward the marina, and aspies a ship. A ship that has no oars or sails.
Lancelot:
(confused but happy-ish) Well slap my butt and call me Aunt Susie, this ship has no oars or sails, yet it is the best ship I’ve ever seen.(sniffs). And it smells like roses too! My favorite!
Narrator:
Lancelot boards the ship and begins to sing!
Lancelot:
(Lonely Island’s “I’m On A Boat!” begins to play)
I'm on a boat
I'm on a boat
Everybody look at me 'cause I'm sailing on a boat
I'm on a boat
I'm on a boat
Take a good hard look at the motherflipping boat
Narrator:
Suddenly, Lancelot notices something...
Lancelot:
Holy tamoli! There’s a dead chick on board........O WELL!
Narrator: He looks at the body one more time.
Lancelot: Well I’ll be dammed, that’s Sir Percivale’s sister! Noooo way!
Narrator:
For a month, Lancelot lives ON A BOAT! with the dead chick. One day, he decides to go for a stroll for he had just peed in his armor and needed a second to regain himself. While walking, Lancelot pauses and hears galloping. He prances daintily back to his boat. The knight (who was responsible for the galloping) also boards the ship. Turns out, the new knight was Lancelot’s son.
Lancelot: Leapin’ Lizard! That’s my son, Sir Galahad!
Narrator: Lancelot and his little boy sing a rendition of Harry Chapin’s timeless classic “Cats In the Cradle and the Silver spoon”, have a good cry, and live together ON A MOTHER FLIPPIN’ BOAT for six months.
Gallahad:
I love you daddy! I’m so glad we reestablished our relationship!
Lancelot:
I love you too my boy!
Narrator:
Suddenly they hear more hoofs and another knight rides up. The Knight tells Gallahad he has to go with him to find the holy grail. The knight is black.
Black Knight:
(with a heavy chi-town accent) yo dawg you gotta go wit me n’ find tha holy grizz-ail biznitch!